Are they all yours?

2011-09-29T22:34:00.004+01:00

I thought I'd post a nice update with some photos tonight. As I mentioned in a previous entry me and the girls have been having riding lessons and are loving it. I ride a horse called Morris and I love him. So much so I even find myself feeling jealous when I take Sophie up there for her lessons and see someone else on him.

Sophie loves riding Misty and Ellie loves Mini Murphy.

Our dream now is to own our own pony which at the moment isn't something that I can afford to do so I'm looking into loaning a pony. Finger crossed......

2011-09-25T23:58:00.002+01:00

I suppose blogs are the modern day equivalent of paper diaries, the main difference being that by putting it online you know other people will read it. However, just like the “secret diaries” of old, if you go reading someone else’s and you see something about yourself that you don’t like then it serves you right for being nosey (unless the writer specifically asked you to read it).

Blogs and diaries are a place for the writer to vent if they need to. I will write whatever I like about whoever I like. If I want to vent about someone or something then I will. There are only a handful of people who were invited to read my blog, and there are a few friends who have come to the blog in other ways and you are all welcome. Maybe you’ve found the blog by accident? Then you’re welcome here too. But maybe you are one of the few who have found the blog and read it simply to find out what I am saying, and to find out if I’m writing about them. You (and you know exactly who you are) are not welcome here. Just like listening in to a private conversation you might hear things you don’t like and if you do, well, you shouldn’t have been earwigging so you have no right to go running back to anyone crying that “Lucie said this about me, boo hoo, isn’t she horrible???”

Nor do you have any right to go bringing up things from my blog from the past that have nothing to do with you.

Now, if you’re reading this and wondering what the hell I’m on about then you can be safe in the knowledge I’m not talking about you. If you’re reading this and you do know exactly what I’m talking about then you read on at your peril.

I split up with my ex nearly 2 years ago. Things hadn’t been going well for a long time and we were both unhappy long before I told him it was over. Things were very unpleasant at first. Despite the effort to be civil to each other for the sake of the children the tension and nastiness didn’t always stay under the surface and we both said stuff to hurt and upset the other. And we both said stuff to other people about the other that wasn’t nice. He told some really awful lies about me in emails etc to the various women he was in contact with last year such as that I had had affairs and wasn’t to be trusted to look after my own children. All total and utter rubbish but he said them because he wanted to hurt me.

However things have improved massively and I think we can both now say we are genuinely friends with the other. The nastiness is behind us. We’ve closed the door on it and moved on as we are both adults. It’s nothing to do with anyone else and it’s not something that either of us are going to bring up and most certainly not use it as ammunition in an argument which would be incredibly childish of us wouldn’t it? And it would be incredibly childish and totally inappropriate of someone else to bring it up wouldn’t it?????

Both of us have moved on in our lives. We’ve both had other relationships. He has been seeing someone for about a year now and I have never had a problem with that. There have been a number of things that I could have kicked up a fuss about but I never have because I haven’t wanted to cause trouble.

Despite the fact that we are no longer together the biggest thing that we both agree on and are both adamant about is that the children are our number one priority. They come first. They come before anything or anyone else. New partners included!! And as part of that, to ensure they are happy and to help them accept the situation, he and I are determined to stay on the best terms we can. That means we are friends. We’ll chat, we’re there for each other if one of us is ill or needs help or whatever. We went for a meal for my birthday the other week.

We were together for 18 years, you can’t be together for that long and not care about each other. Not in any way other than as friends. You care about your friends don’t you? It doesn’t mean you want to sleep with them does it? It means nothing other than you care about them.

Unfortunately a certain person doesn’t like this. She doesn’t like me and C being friends. She doesn’t care about our children’s feelings or their welfare. She doesn’t care that the best thing for them is that their parents are friends. She doesn’t like that they come first to their father. If she didn’t have a child of her own you could maybe understand her not being able to see that children are the priority but she does have a child herself - although from what I can gather she spends very little time with him and is quite happy to dump him off on other people so she can do her own thing - so maybe doesn’t have that maternal instinct that most other women have.

C added me as a friend on facebook. Now I may be wrong but surely he has the right to be friends with whoever he likes on there including his ex? Obviously not, judging by the fuss that kicked off which got even worse when C and I became neighbours in the Sims game on there. Now I have to admit I’m not really into games so wouldn’t normally have started playing something on Facebook but the children were desperate for me to play something with them and I couldn’t work out how to play Horse Academy so The Sims it was. I’m going to assume that you know the game and that you go and visit your neighbours and become friends with them and send them items they need etc etc all as part of the game.

So, I’m playing it and all is quiet until C tells me there has been an almighty row over me sending him a request in the game. Apparently it means I want to get back together with him. Does the fact I am “dating” my 8 year old daughter in the game mean I want an incestuous relationship with her??? No!! Of course it doesn’t. and I sent the same request to my 15 year old son. Again does it mean anything more than just being part of a facebook game??? No.

Notice I keep mentioning the word “game” over and again. This person obviously spends so much time on her computer that she cannot tell the difference between a game (which isn’t real) and the big wide world outside her bedroom which is real. She’s obviously very immature mentally because she spends so much time playing games and she is in her 40’s (I’m not sure exactly how old but judging from what I have seen of her I would say mid to late 40s). Most women have more important things to do than playing computer games don’t they? Real life means there is washing and housework, shopping and cooking etc to do. Mind you, she still lives with her parents which is quite worrying as well at that age. C hasn't said much to me about it but from what he has said I think she has some serious mental issues which make me concerned about the safety of my children.

So, for a quiet life C leaves the game and unfriends me again. How ridiculous is that? That he can’t be friends with who he likes or play a game he wants to play because of her immaturity and jealousy. And yet she claimed that she doesn’t have a problem with him being friends or talking to whoever he likes….. Er, yeah, whatever love.

Now surely that should have been the end of it? Ohhh no. She then decides to slag me off on her facebook account which I would probably have been totally oblivious to had it not been for the fact she was friends with my children on facebook and one of them had left the computer logged into her facebook account and it was there in the middle of the screen in her news feed.

Now, by all means slag me off on facebook but NOT where my children can see it. What kind of a person does something like that??? She has already upset them loads with stuff she has posted on there. I've had enough of seeing them upset by her. Whatever problem you have with someone you keep it away from their children. Again, it shows how immature and insensitive she is.

All this time I’ve kept quiet. I’d told C how ridiculous I thought she was being over the game, but seeing her post on FB was the final straw so I put something on my FB that she would only see if she was snooping around looking at my profile as it was set to private until that point and I made this particular post public. And yes, she was of course snooping around. What did I say at the start of this post about being nosey?? You’ll likely hear or see something about yourself that you don’t like. And off she goes, kicking off again.

So C has a go at her about it, tells her not to go looking at my profile and to stop trying to cause trouble. He has got health issues at the moment and asked her to keep things calm for him at the moment because the last thing he needs is her having a go at him over pathetic things.

Many years ago he had a big fall out with his parents which resulted in him not speaking to them or having any contact with him. I’d always said that if he decided he did want to get back in touch then he should do and I would be 100% behind him but he never wanted to. He changed his mind last year and has seen them a few times and recently decided he wanted to introduce the children to them. I said I would like to go along as well as it would be nice to see them again and also because it would be a major thing for the children to meet their grandparents for the first time as they didn’t know they even existed.

Guess who didn’t like this??? Yep. For some reason she seems to think she had some right to be there instead. I really cannot see why she should. They’re not her children, and they’re not her in-laws.

So, off we went on Saturday to see them. It was a lovely day. It was really nice to see my in-laws again after all these years and it was nice to see the children meeting them for the first time as well. During the day I posted on FB something along the lines of “having a lovely day with C, the children and their grandparents in Scarborough”. When we got back my mother-in-law and I became friends on FB and the following day she posted a load of photos from the day, some of which I commented on.

You know what’s coming next don’t you???? Yep. Madam goes ballistic. Apparently I posted that update on FB to wind her up. Erm, I posted it on MY wall, for MY friends to read. YOU’VE been told NOT to look at my profile so why are you doing it again?????? Apparently I’m playing games and she accused me of playing happy families….

Ok, lets spell this one out. C is my husband as we are still legally married. So we are still family. The children will always be my children and C’s children. We ARE a family. His parents are my in-law’s and because of the children I will always be part of their family through the children. It WAS a family day out. And it was a happy day out. There was no “playing happy families”. She is nothing to C’s parents and she is nothing to the children. She can’t claim to be part of C’s family in any legal or blood way at all. So why should she have been there???? I’m part of the family. She is not.

She didn’t like the photos that were posted because they had me in them and of course I only commented on them saying I liked them to cause trouble. Oh grow up you silly cow.

By now I have had enough of this. I’ve had enough of her going running to C telling tales and whining like a 5 year old. He doesn’t need the stress of it anyway, especially not at the moment. I cannot believe that a woman of her age is acting like this. She’s older than me yet she’s behaving like a child. Even my children say she’s childish and pathetic for making such a fuss about me being friends with C on facebook and about us being friends.

So I insisted on speaking to her about it. She started coming out with a load of crap about how she made an effort with me. Erm? Yeah, right. Who was it that completely snubbed my invitiation to one of the girl’s birthday party?? Not only did she not bother to turn up she didn’t even have the courtesy to decline the invitation. She could have asked C to make an excuse for her if she didn’t want to come but she didn’t even have the basic manners to do that.

Then she had the nerve to bring up stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with her from the past. Don’t the experts always say you should never bring up stuff from the past in an argument? That’s bad enough but when you bring up something from someone else’s past that is none of your business that is way out of order.

I’d had enough of the total crap and bollocks she was spouting so I told her what I think of her. I don’t take back what I said. She IS fat. She IS ugly. And she IS a bitch. Then she hung up on me and threw the phone at C.

As I said earlier, I have never had a problem with C having a relationship with her. I have never tried to cause trouble between them and I have never tried to split them up. I’ve always just let them get on with it.

I understand her feeling threatened by me. I look after myself. I like to make sure I look nice, I wear nice clothes and shoes (ok, not every single day, some days I like to wear jeans and my converse and not bother with my contact lenses), I wear make-up, I’ve lost loads of weight and am determined to maintain it, I have my hair and nails done. I make an effort over my appearance. Maybe if she put as much effort into how she looks as she has done in trying to cause trouble between me and C then she’d feel better about herself. If she lost some weight, did something about her hair, wore a bit of make-up and wore better clothes she might feel more confident. I know she’s heading for her 50s but she doesn’t have to dress and look like she’s already there.

She accuses me of trying to split them up but I have never done anything to try that. And the way she is behaving she is doing an excellent job of causing it to happen herself. We’ve both moved on.

However, she has pissed me off enough now to find out just what happens when you piss off and annoy the ex. The phone call. This post. Had she just acted like an adult and kept her big mouth shut (not easy when it’s even bigger than your arse, especially when you’re hiding behind a computer screen I accept) then all would have been fine and quiet. Those who know me know that I’m a lovely person but deep inside there is a bitch who will come out when necessary to protect my family. You’ve now seen her.

Madam now needs to take several steps back, stop giving C grief, leave him alone on the subject of me, leave me alone and accept that if she wants a future with him then that involves me being in his life and she has to stop rocking the boat. She has to accept that his children come over and above her and always will do. The highest she will ever be in his eyes is number 9. And she is going to have to stop looking through his facebook messages, phone logs etc because she might just find something she doesn’t want to see.

I know this isn’t the end of it all. I don’t need to have psychic powers to know that she is bound to kick off again over Christmas. Neither C or I want to spend Christmas without the children and neither of us will. She claims Christmas is a time for family yet she kicked off last year because he spent the day with his children. Surely if family are so important to her then she could have no problem with that??? Oh no. She and her family were pissed off he didn’t spend the day with them. Once again the hypocrite comes out….. Her family are not his family so why would he spend the day with them and not his own children who ARE his family????

As long as peace reigns these are my final words on the matter. If she stirs up the shit again then I won’t stay quiet. Just sayin’.

2011-09-14T01:54:00.002+01:00

The children went back to school last week. The holidays were a bit strange this year as the children stayed with their dad for a week, then with me for a week and back to their dad's etc etc. It was really hard going for a whole week without them so I am really glad that things have gone back to normal. It didn't feel like 6 weeks but then it never does.

Millie has so far settled really well into her new school. The school has decided not to get her statemented, not to supply her with a one-to-one carer and to disregard the advice her previous school supplied them with for dealing with her when she has her meltdowns. I suspect she'll only need to have 2 or 3 before they change their mind!!!!

The school run has become interesting now though. I used to drop off at the secondary school on the way to the primary school and we'd leave the house at half eight. Now I have to leave at eight, and the secondary and primary school children get dropped off for breakfast club at their schools so I can get Millie to school in the opposite direction on time. This involves almost driving back past the house on the way to M's school. Sometimes home education seems very appealing!!!!!!!!!!

I was thinking of putting Amos into pre-school after Christmas when he's almost 3 but the one I would want him to go to is in yet another village. Unless I can find one in the village M goes to school in....

Back in July I did something I'd always wanted to do but hadn't been brave enough - I had my belly button pierced. It's not something I'll be putting on show - 8 babies and fluctuating weight over the years has not been kind to my stomach so I won't be offending the eyes of the world by putting it on display - but I like it and it's nice having a little secret (a bit like knowing you're wearing really nice underwear, lol)

Hopefully I'll soon be able to start posting photos again. Sorry my posts are a bit boring - I always like looking at photos on other people's blogs.

2011-09-14T01:37:00.002+01:00

Being September and a new year in a way - new school year anyway - I often find myself thinking about new starts, things I'd like to achieve and sometimes even about the past.

As part of the journey through life you make friends and then often you outgrow the friendship and move on. Maybe that's what has happened here in the case I'm about to talk about.

I became friends with a really lovely lady I met online on a parenting forum. She lived closeish to me and we used to email a lot and met up a few times (but not often enough). I'm not going to mention names but if she still reads my blog then she will know who I mean when I say she is due to have her 6th baby very soon and last year moved much closer to where I live and her husband is involved with horses.

I don't know what happened. I don't know if I did or said something to upset or offend her but she stopped replying to my emails. If you are reading this and I did upset or offend you then I am truly sorry. I think about you often and wonder how you all are. And I miss you. I hope everything goes well with the new baby and if there is anything I can do, well, you know how to contact me. Please do. :-)

Maybe it was just time for her to move on from our friendship. That's fine. If you recognise who I am talking about and you're in contact with her please let her know I am thinking of her.

2011-09-04T01:14:00.002+01:00

Once again it's my favourite time of year, September and the beginning of Autumn. And once again it's been months since I last wrote anything.

I do have a good excuse this time though, honest!! Back in June one of the children knocked a glass of water over on the coffee table on which was sitting my laptop. No prizes for guessing what happened next!! Fortunately I'm covered on my house insurance for accidental damage so my laptop went off to be looked at, was declared to be FUBAR and for the cost of my excess I have got a new laptop. Eventually. I was told it would arrive within 7-10 days but 4 weeks later I still hadn't received it. Turned out the courier had lost it so another one was despatched and it finally arrived on Thursday.

I used to spend an inordinate amount of time on my laptop, checking facebook, reading the many blogs I followed, on eBay etc etc but nearly 3 months without has meant I've kind of done cold turkey and I have hardly touched the new one. I can't remember the names of most of the blogs I followed either. I also have a bit of a problem typing. I've got so used to using the keypad on my BlackBerry (and the way it auto corrects my words and adds commas and full stops for me automatically) I'm struggling slightly to get used to proper typing again, lol

I'm still loving my "new" car. Every time I look out of the window at it I feel a real sense of pride about it.

I've been in the house for over a year now. I still love it here, although I kind of wish I owned it so I could decorate it and make a few changes to it.

I've taken up a new hobby as well. As a child I always wanted to learn to horse ride and to have my own horse. About 13 years ago I finally started having riding lessons and really enjoyed it until one day the horse I was on was spooked by something and took off down the sand school at a gallop with me hanging on for dear life. I was still trying to master canter at that stage so galloping was a bit too fast. I had one more lesson after that but hated it so much I never went back.

Ellie has always had a love of horses (she was a few months old when I had those lessons back then) and always wanted to learn to ride. She'd had a couple of lessons on holiday at Center Parcs and had done an "own a pony" day at a local riding school but her dream of having regular lessons didn't come true until last year when her school started up a riding club on a Monday night at a local equestrian centre. She's loved it and got several rosettes and a certificate for being the most improved rider in the club.

I've been a bit jealous, wishing I could have some lessons again too. Back in April or May I promised her and Sophie riding lessons in the summer holidays. A couple of weeks ago I realised that the holidays were nearly over and I couldn't break my promise so I got them booked in. Ellie said she was scared about having a lesson all by herself so I said I'd do it with her....

I've had two lessons and absolutely loved it!! It was so good to be back on a horse again after all that time. I wasn't at all nervous about it either. So we're going to have regular lessons. Sadly because of the cost they wont be as regular as we would like but anything is better than nothing. Sophie had never been on a horse before but was declared a natural and has spoken about nothing else since. So that's three of us that are now horse mad!!

One of our neighbours has some stables being built on part of their land behind my house and I asked if they would be renting any of them out when they are finished. She said they may do.... To get to the stables you have to go through our garden so it wouldn't be far to go. At the moment it's just a dream but one that could possibly come true.

I've also got something very exciting happening in November. I start an OU course in History! I really can't wait, I want to get started right now. It's given me a boost to start reading again which is good as I do miss reading. To further help this I've joined a local book club as well - it's a good way of meeting new people and getting me out of the house.

Another bit of news, and good news at that, is that we finally, after so many years of fighting, have got a diagnosis for Millie. It's not autism or aspergers which in some ways is a relief, it's attachment disorder. Are you asking yourself "what's attachment disorder?" That is possibly going to be a problem when it comes to getting her further help at school. The psychologist said that Millie needs to be statemented asap and she needs to have a one to one assistant with her all day at school. I just hope we don't have to fight too hard to get it for her (I know, I know, with budgets the way they are it's unlikely it's going to be easy or even possible). Attachment disorder doesn't sound very serious does it? But when you have to live with it you realise it actually is.

So, that's my quick update.

2011-05-17T21:56:00.001+01:00

Another long gap between postings. So, what’s the latest?

I have got a new car. When I moved out because my Picasso wasn’t big enough for all the children C and I shared cars. Whichever one of us had the children had his Previa and the one without the children had my Picasso. Neither of us liked this arrangement, it was a real nuisance but until I could get mine sold and buy a new one we didn’t have a lot of choice.

Well, a couple of weeks ago I found a potential candidate on eBay, got in touch with the dealer, went to see it, came to an agreement over part exchange etc and I drove away with a very nice Ford Galaxy Zetec. So far I love it. Yes, it’s a bit scratched (but what difference does that make to how a car runs?) and it smelt of cigarette smoke (which an air freshener has sorted out) but it’s mine, all mine. I don’t have to share it, I can get the children in it and it’s given me a big boost to my confidence knowing that I sorted it all out by myself.

Being independent has been something that I have gotten used to now and I am loving it. To the extent that I really hate it when people offer to do things for me. Even if it’s something I’m really struggling with. It took me nearly a week to work out how to put Amos’s toddler bed together. For some reason I just couldn’t get the screws to go in and I couldn’t for the life of me work out why. Eventually I managed it but there was no way I was taking up the offer of help with it. I’ve built bunk beds, wardrobes, drawers and double beds all by myself so there was no way a simple toddler bed was going to defeat me!!

I’m also loving the time on my own when the children aren’t here. It’s so nice to be able to relax in the evening with a DVD or whatever I feel like doing. I’m kind of seeing someone, it’s a very casual thing, but it really suits me. We see each other maybe once or twice a week and go away together from time to time but the rest of the time is my own. I really couldn’t be doing with someone wanting to be with me all the time. I like my own company too much now - not that I get to spend much time on my own. I tend to be out and about all day and into the evening. I can see myself being single forever.

In a couple of weeks I’m going to be a witness at my best friends wedding. I can’t wait. I think I’m nearly as excited as the bride herself. I’ve been involved in the planning right from the start so I really feel part of it. I was so chuffed when she asked me to be her witness. I’m thinking more of a Pippa Middleton role though!! When we went to the shop so she could try dresses on back in January I couldn’t resist trying one myself. It was absolutely gorgeous!!

Last week for her hen night we went for a fish pedicure. Oh my goodness!! It was really weird at first and I didn’t like it. We were booked in for 15 minutes each but I ended up having half an hour because I ended up enjoying it so much. Definitely going again for another one!!

2011-03-21T16:36:00.000Z

I haven’t written anything for absolutely ages again. Not that there has been a great amount to tell really.

There has been progress with getting a diagnosis for Millie. She’s being statemented and is going to be re-assessed later in the year. She’s going to the school we hoped she would get into which is smaller than the other option and has a very good SEN provision. So things are positive on that front.

All the other children are fine. Amos is now 2 - it’s gone by so quickly. He’s such a sweet little thing most of the time (yes, he has his moments!!) and is getting really chatty. He loves In The Night Garden, and would sit and watch it all day if he could. He loves his books as well which is really cute.

Jack (6) was assessed recently and has a reading age of an 11.5 year old. Alfie and Sophie are both ahead of where they should be too which is fantastic.

We’ve really settled into the “new” house now as well which is nice. At the moment I’m thinking we’re going to be here for a good few years.

Last week I went up to Manchester for a few days which was a nice break. I stayed in a really nice apartment just off Deansgate so nice and close to the centre of the city. I met up with my best friend from school. We havent seen each other for 17 years, and fell out back then over something or other. We got back in touch a couple of years ago through Friends Reunited and finally met up again last week.

I met her in a Starbucks and when she walked in neither of us spoke, we just gave each other a massive hug and burst into tears. Most of the day was spent with us hugging, crying and saying “I can’t believe it”. It was lovely, and we have vowed that it won’t be another 17 years before we get together again. It didn’t feel like 17 years, we sat and just chatted easily as if it had only been last week that we’d last seen each other.

2011-01-01T23:45:00.001Z

Well, what a year!!

I’ve just read the postings for January 2010, before everything changed, and I really had no idea just what a massive year it was going to be for my life.

It’s been amazing. It’s been tough at times too, but I don’t regret my decision. I’m looking forward to 2011 and hope it’s going to be even better.

Christmas was good - C came over for the day and it was a lovely day for everyone I hope. No fighting or arguing, just a really nice family day.

I hope your 2011 is a good one and I will try and blog at least semi-regularly!!

Dressember

2010-11-27T17:36:00.002Z

There's a group of us taking part in a challenge called Dressember. The idea is to wear a dress (or skirt) every day in December. If you'd like to find out more, or better still join us, have a look here: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dressember/125734977487362

I've set up another blog to chart my progress in the challenge as well as to post about other clothes, shoes etc (basically girly stuff) in the future. You can find it here: http://tuesdayshoesday.blogspot.com/

2010-11-15T00:49:00.003Z

When I moved out of the marital home we were really surprised at how well Millie had taken it all. I’d expected her to react badly to the changes but she seemed to be absolutely fine. And when she went back to school all seemed well too.

Of course, it didn’t last! Her behaviour has got worse and worse. Her meltdowns became more frequent and I was seeing a lot more of her “behaviours” at home. Meltdowns are starting first thing in the morning and she is spending a lot of time out of the classroom because she can’t cope with being in there. It’s awful to see her the way she’s gone. School are fantastic, she has a one to one who spends a lot of time with her and they have a table set up in the corridor outside the classroom for her with colouring, pens, plasticine etc for her. But it’s getting to the point where they can’t cope either and she’s coming home at lunchtime when her one to one goes home.

I took her to the doctors to ask them to refer her again to try and get a diagnosis. The school wrote a letter to back up the request as well. We have an appointment on 1st December and the one to one is going to come with us as well to explain what happens at school which I obviously don’t see.

She’s also got the ed psych going into school to see her to give his opinion. Someone from Autism Outreach saw her at school - she had said that she wasn’t able to offer any help until Millie had a diagnosis but then Millie had one of her meltdowns and she said that she would unofficially help out because it was obvious she had autism.

So, at the moment things are looking positive. Hopefully this time we will get a diagnosis. We’re also going to look at a potential secondary school for her next week - its smaller than the one she would normally go to (where my others go) and has a SEN unit that will hopefully be good for her as she wouldn’t cope in a normal sized secondary school.

In other news, I had a very minor car accident the other day. Not my fault, the other driver was in front of me and moved over to the other side of the road so I went to pass him and he suddenly started reversing and hit the side of me wrecking the side of my car. As it happened on the road I used to live I got C to drive me back home and as we were on our way we passed the man again and he did exactly the same thing - pulled over then suddenly reversed. He obviously doesn’t bother to look. Fortunately he missed us - can you imagine ringing the insurance company to tell them that the same bloke had hit me in exactly the same way just in a different car!!

The insurance company has provided me with a replacement until mine is fixed - a top of the range Landrover Discovery. Oh. My. God. It is amazing!!!! I love it and don’t want to give it back. I’ve had compliments on it wherever I’ve been. The kids love it too. I decided to have a look online to see how much one would be second hand. Now, I knew it would be out of my price range but I was totally shocked when I discovered it would be nearly £50k!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope my car takes months to get sorted out!

2010-10-24T21:30:00.001+01:00

I’m sorry, I’m terrible at keeping this blog thing up to date aren’t I? I wish I was more disciplined and could write more often. It’s not as if I don’t often think of things to post but never get round to writing them.

So, what’s been happening since I last wrote? We’ve settled in to the new house really well. There are things I still have to buy. I was hoping to get beds for the children who need them this month (some of them are sleeping on airbeds at the moment) but once again they’ve had to go on hold as I’m going to have to buy oil for the heating instead, next month the car needs MOT-ing and taxing, then it’s Christmas…. This budgeting lark isn’t easy. I’m determined not to use any credit for anything so things have to wait, and it’s quite hard. Yes, I’m finally learning to live in the real world!!

It’s not easy this single parenthood lark. Some days it all gets a bit overwhelming, being totally responsible for everything and everyone. It would be so nice to be able to delegate some of it to someone else. To be able to pass some of the weight of it all over to someone else. I have a couple of very good friends that I can talk to, one who has been through a very similar situation and the other is just a very good friend who is always full of good advice and ready with a hug when I need one.

Most of the time though I love it, I love the independence and the possibilities that my life now has ahead of me. I don’t ever regret my decision - sometimes I think maybe I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known how hard it was when I’m having a bad day and feeling the pressure, but then I really don’t want my old life back either so I‘m glad I didn’t know. I don’t want to go back to constantly feeling the way I always did, or being married to someone who looks like a tramp and takes absolutely no care in how he looks (which I always felt was disrespectful).

I enjoy being single, and all the fun that comes from going out and enjoying myself. In some ways I’ve been given the chance to have the youth that I missed out on back as I was only 19 when I had my first child.

In other news - Millie is at the forefront of my mind at the moment. I’m trying again to get a diagnosis for her so we can access the help that’s available out there for her. I have had to apply for her secondary school place and it’s not been an easy decision like it was with the others. Her current school don’t think she will cope well in a mainstream secondary school (and I certainly don’t think she will) so I’m applying to a smaller school that has a SEN unit that I hope she will be able to achieve her potential. No, home education isn’t an option. End of.

I’m still going to the gym lots and still really enjoying it. I train with my personal trainer twice a week and am hoping to reach my target of being a size 8 before Christmas. I lost my focus with the diet when I moved and it’s taken me until last week to get it back but I am so determined I am going to do it that I will hopefully be posting here very soon that I reached my goal.

A blog I love

2010-09-12T18:08:00.002+01:00

I used to read lots of blogs but over time I've stopped reading many of them. This is one of my favourites though: http://andyinamsterdam.com/?p=778 I love the way he writes, he almost always makes me laugh (except when he is being serious), I would love to meet him for an evening of knitting. If I ever go back to Amsterdam I am definately going to find out which knitting group he goes to and go along. And if you're reading this Andy, I promise I'm not a crazy mad stalker!! :-)

2010-08-29T22:32:00.001+01:00

For a while now I have alluded to something going on in my life that I couldn’t really talk about then. But now I can.

I’ve said before about blogs only showing the side of the writers life that they want you to see and that while the reader may be imagining a wonderfully rosy life where everything is perfect (and wishing theirs was so) I’m sure that often it isn’t as shiny as it seems.

I have no idea what kind of image my blog portrays of my life, it’s hard to know when you’re the one writing, but if any of you readers has thought my life is wonderful and perfect with all my lovely children then you’re mistaken.

In February I split up with my husband. Yes, after 17 years of marriage I couldn’t live as unhappily as I was any longer and I told him it was over. We lived in the same house until about 3 weeks ago when I moved out into my own place. I am loving the new pad, I love being able to relax, to live life the way I want to and not have to worry about anyone else (apart from the children of course).

The children love the new house too. We have a huge garden for them to run round in and there are horses in the field behind the house which has delighted the girls no end. They keep asking me to make friends with the owners in the hopes they will be allowed to stroke them.

It’s not all been easy. There has been an awful lot for me to sort out all by myself which was a daunting task at first but as I have done each thing I have felt a mounting sense of pride and achievement (who knew that sorting out house insurance all by yourself could be so exciting???) Sometimes it has felt that it would be so much easier not to move, to just let things carry on the way they were, but with the encouragement and help of a special friend I have done it and am so glad I have.

So, I am now a single mother of 8 and looking forward to the next chapter of my life.

And in case you’re wondering, things are pretty amicable between me and the ex. Yes, we have our flare ups but on the whole things are good and I hope they stay that way, for the sake of the children if nothing else. I hope we can remain friends as it will make life so much more pleasant.

2010-07-22T18:51:00.001+01:00

As part of the clear out I have back issues of The Mother magazine from issue 2 to the present for sale. I would prefer to sell them as one lot. Please email me if you’re interested (or leave a comment on here if you don’t have my email address and I’ll contact you). Also back issues of Juno magazine from issue 1 onwards.

2010-07-13T19:58:00.003+01:00

My last posting was about shoes, it made me laugh because today I bought another gorgeous pair of shoes. I don’t think I will be able to walk far in them. While I was trying them on a voice said “they’re not going to be much use in the gym!” I looked up to see one of the receptionists next to me and I joked about wearing them on the treadmill. Then she said “are you going to save them for the bedroom??” A bit of a loaded question really all things considered.

Killer heels or what? I’m wondering if another rather rude term would apply to them too? If you are a Sex and The City fan you will probably know which one I mean!!

I love them and they were a bargain - should have been £89 but in the sale they were only £29. I really need cheering up at the moment. A lot is going on in my life and not good. Things are getting to a point where I cannot see a way out of my situation and it is very hard, but if a pair of shoes can make me feel a little bit better then it was £29 well worth spending.

I am hoping that my next post will have some good news in it and that I will then be able to share with you what is going on at the moment. Please cross everything.

I kept promising a fabric/sewing stuff/craft stuff clear out didn’t I? Well, I finally listed some of the stuff. There is still loads to go but I got to the point where I was losing the will to live with it all. Unlisted is Killington flannel, burley knit terry, loads of flannels in different colours and prints, loads of PRR, just generally loads of fabrics so if there is something you are particularly after please email me at foreverj2@yahoo.co.uk I also have loads of craft stuff - mostly scrap booking, again if there is anything you’re after let me know and I will see if I have it. I do intend to get it listed at some point but it may be a few weeks. I also have a dressmakers dummy still for sale, £30. Again, let me know if you’d like it. The link to what did get listed is here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/31415256@N00/

Please email me about anything you want - please don’t leave comments on the photos. I haven’t got the time to keep checking through them. Sorry to be blunt. I will also only take paypal and payment must be within 24 hours, again, sorry to be blunt but I desperately need the money asap (it will become clear why soon, when I feel I can post about it). Don’t waste my time by asking for stuff, a postage price (I have to gather it all together, pack it then weigh it) and then change your mind. Again I don’t have the time to be messing around.

2010-06-03T22:07:00.000+01:00

Sometimes a girl just has to treat herself to a new pair of shoes and these arrived today. They are a lot higher than they look but really comfortable (from the 5 minutes I had them on for when they arrived. I may wish to retract that comment after 4 hours on the dance floor!!) I can’t wait to have an excuse to wear them!!!

2010-05-31T13:19:00.003+01:00

Argh!!!!!!! I normally write my blog posts in a word document and then cut and paste it here to avoid losing my work as happened with my first ever blog posting. Typically last night I sat and wrote a longish post straight into Blogger and what happened? Yep, my laptop crashed and I lost it all.

I can't be arsed writing it all again, partly through sheer laziness and partly through feeling slightly worse for wear after a very good night out last night - it was one of those nights out where you really don't want to go but you drag yourself out anyway and then have a fantastic time. We were meant to be going to the cinema but ended up gatecrashing a BBQ (it was my friend's uncles BBQ and she had been there all day but we decided to go back there instead of seeing the film) and then we ended up going back to her cousins house for more drinks.

Anyway, the post was about how I have been a Pet Shop Boys fan since I was a teenager and how they always had a song that could have been written just for me. The soundtrack of my life would be mainly PSB songs. Even those days sat in my bedroom feeling depressed had a song that described my life to a T.

I recently got a new iPod and have put all the PSB albums on it and was amazed to find there was even a song for something that is going on in my life right now. I'm not going to share it here, as one of the lines says, "the world won't understand" but if you're that interested feel free to email me and I'll tell you.

If my laptop crashes before I post this I am going to cry. I wonder if they have a song about that????

2010-05-24T20:42:00.001+01:00

I’ve recently started going out on a Saturday night with a friend. I really enjoy these (drunken!!) nights out, it’s great to get out and have a dance and just enjoy myself. My friend knows everyone it seems so we can’t go anywhere without her being stopped by someone - it’s like being out with a celeb!!

I went out on Saturday with her and was surprised to see the sky starting to get light behind us as we drove home (or rather, were driven home, I don’t drink and drive!!!) and it’s rekindled my thing about wanting to watch the sun rise again (if you’re a long time reader of this blog you may remember I had a thing about wanting to drive to Skegness to watch the sun rise over the sea). One day I will do it - maybe next time I’m out I’ll just not go home until after it’s risen.

If you know me then you’ll be most surprised to learn I sat out in the garden yesterday. I hate sitting in the garden, it’s really not my thing. I hate it when I go to friends houses and they want to sit outside. But, there I was, sunbathing, and getting a bit of colour. Ok, a bit too much colour…. I wont share any pics with you but just imagine a lobster wearing a white vest and you’ll get the idea!!!

But I actually enjoyed it and plan to do it more often. So much so that I bought a bikini today. Now, you will never ever see me in a bikini. As much weight as I have lost my legs and bottom are horrible and I will never let anyone see them. Hopefully they will tone up a bit more but the cellulite is pretty horrendous so I will keep it hidden in public!! I would like to sit in the garden in them and get a bit of a tan - and yes, I will be using sun cream from now on too. Bought a huge bottle of it today (and a bit bottle of after sun for my currently sore bits!!!)

We even sat outside and had dinner which was nice - we have bats living somewhere near us so it was lovely to watch them flitting about and listening to the birds getting ready to settle down for the night.

Five years ago we split our back garden in half so we could keep chickens. We didn’t mind too much losing the space as we have another garden down the side of the house for the children but as the chickens don’t actually need so much room (we only have three now) and because they don’t even stay in their pen anyway, they roam free, we decided to pull up the fencing and give them a much smaller pen and reclaim the lawn. It’s made the garden seem three times the size and it’s lovely to have it all back again. The children’s playhouse has gone on the concrete slab the chicken house was on (that’s moved into the far corner of the garden) and we have the whole patio back.

Hopefully this year I’ll spend more time out there and hopefully I’ll be a lovely shade of brown and not milk bottle white (or lobster red!!!!!)

I’ve got a tough week at the gym this week - my personal trainer is away so I have no one to motivate or push me (or sit and have a coffee and chat with either but I probably shouldn’t admit that bit, lol) I really enjoy my training sessions (I’m sure I’ve said it before). No matter how tough the workout is I still laugh most of the way through it. Hopefully I wont gain any weight this week as I’m changing my diet again. I was doing high protein/no carbs but I was getting to the point where I knew I was becoming scared of eating carbs ever again, they are too evil, so I’ve decided to reintroduce them and just watch the calories.

Did I mention last year we made our own wine? I finally tried some the other day - the pear one. Oh my goodness! It was gorgeous but very very strong. There will definitely be another dozen or so bottles made of that one again this year!!!

2010-05-20T19:20:00.001+01:00

This week looked to be another normal quiet week on Monday. Amos had been coughing over the weekend but I didn’t think too much of it. I’m not one of those mothers who takes her kids to the docs at the first sniffle. My lot have to be really poorly before I’ll take them up there however by about 9pm I was really worried about his breathing as he seemed to be struggling so I decided to take him up to A&E. I thought he might have a chest infection or maybe asthma as he sounded like I did when I ended up in hospital when I was pregnant with him. Several hours in A&E and an x-ray later it was decided he just had croup and we were admitted to the children’s ward at 2am so they could keep an eye on him.

He was discharged in the morning and we were given some steroids to take home in case it happened again - we did need to give him a dose as he got bad again, but now he seems fine. He still has a nasty cough but he’s breathing ok. I am wondering if it’s asthma related as it happens at night more than during the day but that could also be because the phlegm is collecting in his chest because he’s lying down.

So that was our bit of excitement this week.

Not a lot else has been happening really. I know my last few posts have been really down, but I am so much happier this week. I woke up on Saturday morning feeling so much more positive about everything and the mood has lasted almost the whole time since (apart from when I was really tired after hardly any sleep on Monday night). Stuff is still going on here, things are still confusing, but I’m not as down about it all as I was.

Because I’ve lost so much weight I’ve bought myself some new gym gear - it’s really nice to go from wearing big baggy trousers and t-shirts to close fitting clothes and not feel like I look totally horrendous in them. I’m still not quite where I want to be but I’m getting there with the help of my personal trainer. I really enjoy the sessions training with him (although today I was begging him not to make me do any more and to let me spend the rest of the session recovering on the sofa. He said no.) and the results I’m getting are well worth the pain. No matter how much I’m hating the exercises I still find myself laughing all the way through it so I leave feeling positive (if knackered!!). It’s been great on those days where I’ve felt really stressed and miserable - I don’t have time to brood over whatever is going on so by the time I’ve finished I feel really relaxed and distressed.

I will post those photos one day. And I will get round to sorting out the craft stuff and fabric etc as well (I probably shouldn’t have posted anything about it until I’d actually done it should I????)

2010-05-14T19:58:00.001+01:00

My last post said I was going to be listing all my fabrics etc soon didn’t it? I know, I just haven’t got round to it. Partly because there is so much I can’t face it. If you’re waiting for me to list stuff and you have an idea of what you want then please contact me at foreverj2 at aoldotcom (I’m sure you can work out what you need to put in the address box!?)

I have flannels, knits, velour, fleece, linen, loads of stuff. Also the dressmakers dummy is in need of a new home. As far as I can tell it has never been used and I never got round to using it but now it’s too big for me as I have lost a lot of weight this last few weeks through stress and the high protein diet. Also, snap press, snaps (hundreds of snaps!!), threads, zips, etc etc The sewing machine and over locker will be listed when I get round to it too.

I’m also selling my craft stuff and I have so much of that again I just can’t face it. I have a bind-it-all and loads of accessories that I would like to sell as a set, a dreamkuts, a Big Shot as well as a couple of alphabets and other dies for it, most of it is hardly used. Lots of other bits and pieces as well, lots of K&Co stuff so if you’re after anything from that range let me know and I’ll see if I have it.

One day I might be able to face up to getting it all out and photographing it but not at the moment. If there is anything you’re looking for just ask and I might have it.

2010-05-03T14:07:00.000+01:00

I can’t believe I didn’t post all of last month. I had an entry half written that I kept going back to and not being able to finish. I deleted it and am starting again.

My new job is going well. I can’t remember if I mentioned it in my last post? It’s in a lovely coffee shop and deli in town. It’s only 12 hours a week but that’s just what I want, not too much so I can spend more time with the children.

I’m still going to the gym and losing weight. I’ve still got about another stone to go and then maybe I will post my before, during and after pictures - or maybe not. The first one is really embarrassing, I can’t believe I looked so awful.

I know I’ve said before about blogs often only showing the nice side of peoples lives and not the not so nice side. Maybe the reason I haven’t posted is because of what’s been going on at home, its been hard to be positive and smiley.

I’m not going to publicly announce it at the moment. I have no idea who is reading this. But I suspect this maybe one of my last posts on this blog for sometime now.

Remember the dressmakers dummy I bought a while ago? It’s now too big for me because I’ve lost so much weight. Would anyone like to buy it? £30 plus postage if you need it sent to you (would probably be around £10.50 via parcel force). I could really do with the space.

As I said before, I am having a massive clearout soon. I still haven’t got round to listing everything yet. I need the money and I need to get rid of almost everything I own for personal reasons. Please help me when I finally get round to listing it by taking it off my hands.

2010-04-10T13:35:00.001+01:00

Heads up for you - I will be having another big clear out of my fabric/craft stuff this week. I will of course post here when it all gets uploaded so watch this space! :-)

2010-03-21T15:31:00.002Z

I wrote the first bit of this last Sunday:

It’s been ages since I wrote anything. Sorry!!!

So, what’s happened since last time? Well, Starbucks closed down. We went in the following day to pack everything that was going to other stores or being put into storage and to throw away everything else. We all got to take a few souvenirs from the bin pile - mugs for example. The hoover, the scales, the desk chair and a fridge were all rehomed by ex staff.

It was an odd feeling being in the unit with it blocked off from the Tesco store and the big equipment having gone to other stores. Everything piled up in a corner waiting for the skip to arrive, including all the signage which I now wish I’d had at least a few letters of.

The following day we had our induction to the new company. We were also given our rota for training for the following three weeks. I was in Lincoln with the three lads I work with for the training period, and I have to say we had a great time. I’d usually do the driving up to Lincoln and we’d stop off at MacDonalds for coffee on the way there. The journey was usually hilarious however I won’t repeat the jokes here. I’m going to miss our morning coffee stop. I think it gave us a chance to really bond as a team as well.

I also had a trip to Leeds to train at Costa Coffee up there which was good. I’m now qualified to make their coffee which is something else to add to the CV. The least said about the rest of my Leeds trip the better as it involves me getting a bit drunk.

We’re now in the unit and are opening on Tuesday which is really exciting. I’m sure we’ll be ready by Tuesday morning but I suspect tomorrow (Monday) is going to be a stressful and busy day. I’ll be glad when it’s about two weeks from now, we’re all settled, we all know what we’re doing and we’ve got into a routine.

I do have a bit of good news as well - I’ve been made Team Leader which is their term for Assistant Manager. I’m really chuffed as I wanted a bit of responsibility.
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I’m now writing this, a week later, again on a Sunday, and, well, lets just say things have changed slightly. The café opened on Tuesday, I handed in my notice on Thursday. Yes, it was that awful. I hated it so much I couldn’t stand to be there a moment longer. So, I am now unemployed but very very relieved.

I hardly saw the children, the hours were so long, in fact on Thursday night I saw them for the first time in two days when Craig brought them in to have something to eat.

There is possibly something else on the horizon so please cross your fingers for me! J

Other than that I haven’t had time for anything else. I did try and finish the Caterpillar quilt but my sewing machine kept playing up so it’s still sitting there waiting for me to give it another go. I will finish it. One day!

I am still going to the gym lots though and enjoying it. I’ve set myself a 6 week challenge to get myself into my size 10 jeans. I think I can do it with my new exercise programme. The gym has become my social life recently which is nice. Much as I love my friends with children it’s nice to talk to people that I have something different in common with and who in some cases don’t even know I have children at all. It’s nice to just put my ipod on full blast and just run or whatever it is I’m doing with no distractions.

So, that’s my update for now. No doubt it will be another few weeks before I write again. Before I go though, does anyone want to buy a dressmakers dummy? It’s a larger sized one and I don’t think it has ever been used (remember the one I got ages ago? Well, it’s that one but it’s going to be too big for me when I’m a size 8/10 again) £35 plus postage if you’re not close enough to collect.

Ciao for now! ;-)

2010-02-19T22:43:00.002Z

I’ve been slack again haven’t I? Sorry.

Since I last wrote we have had Ellie’s 12th birthday. She was most annoyed that she had to go to school but as it was the last day of term off she went.

I did my last shift at work on Sunday - it seemed quite strange (and sad) walking into work knowing it was the last time for that company. I’m going in for a couple of hours on the last day (not to work, just to be there) and then we’re all in on Monday to pack everything up ready for it to be taken away.

On Tuesday we’re back again for a day with the new company. I have no idea what we’ll be doing but they want us there 9 till 5, maybe it’s some sort of induction?

We’ve had a meeting with the new company and met our new manager. He seems like a nice bloke, and hopefully will be easy going and a good laugh and not too scary to work for. I feel more positive about the whole thing now anyway.

I’ve been at the gym all week as usual. Last week I did some running to start my training for Race for Life and my knee really hurt halfway through and was really painful the following day (the previous - and first - time I tried running I had the same problem). My PT advised me to go to The Lincolnshire Runner, a shop (for runners strangely enough!!) in Lincoln to get fitted for some proper running shoes as my trainers were not only old but also not supportive enough for exercise. The man in the shop diagnosed my problem very quickly and I soon walked out with a nice new pair of running shoes. If you’re after running shoes and want excellent service then I highly recommend them. They know what they are talking about and have shoes for all budgets. I will be going back when I need to replace this pair.

The difference has been immediate - I’ve run a few times since getting them and had no problems with my knee, plus running seems so much easier as well. So, I am really getting into the training. Worryingly I am getting quite addicted to it which is quite amazing for someone who up until now has hated running and was always the one who got a lift back with the teacher during cross country PE lessons (and was always last in races at school). I had planned to do a run two or three times a week but at the moment I am wanting to run every day.

I also decided to splash out on a new pair of trainers for aerobics and other non-running exercise (running shoes support your feet in a different way to non-running shoes) and got myself a pair of Reebok easy tone shoes - supposedly they help tone up your leg and bum muscles as you walk. They are definitely weird to walk in at first and I can’t drive in them, so we shall see. Mind you, they’re not something I would wear when I’m not going to the gym so I may not get the full benefit of them.

I am really taking this whole exercise thing seriously which I like, and people are seeing the difference in me which is also nice too - I’ve lost 2.5 stone since September and have another 1.5 stone to go, possibly a bit more or less depending on when I get back into my size 8’s.

I also have a new project to keep me busy for a few days anyway - I am going to tile and paint the kitchen. When we had the kitchen done over 6 years ago we didn’t get it tiled partly for financial reasons, but there are a few places that really need doing so I have finally chosen some tiles, got some paint and just need to get on with it.

I may post photos when I have finished - if I ever get it started!! Being a master procrastinator I have found other things to do instead, including getting on with finishing The Quilt. Except there was a tangle of thread underneath it when I had almost finished so it’s currently still sat in the sewing machine waiting for me to go back to it.

I plan to devote some of Sunday to it otherwise it will never get done (I started decorating the breakfast room a few years ago and never finished it and had to throw away the tin of gloss paint the other day as it had solidified).

Half term has flown by, we haven’t managed to do much all week. We did go to the new Pets at Home store that opened today - I think half of Boston was there as well as it took ages to get a parking space and then ages to get out again, we ended up popping into MacDonalds for an ice-cream (for the children, black coffee for me) while we waited for the traffic to clear up a bit.

Ellie is desperate for a Leopard Gecko or a Bearded Dragon - now, I have to say I do like these types of reptiles (my fave is an iguana) and being hairless I wouldn’t be allergic to them, but they are blooming expensive, and I just know that the novelty would soon wear off and it would all be down to me to look after them, or something awful would happen and they’d die.

Sophie was almost in tears begging us for a rabbit when she spotted one she fell in love with. Have I shared with you the story of the birthday rabbit we got for Ellie 4 years ago? No? Let’s just say, it was the gift that kept on giving, within weeks one rabbit became 6 and a few months later another load appeared. We will never ever be getting a rabbit again, they’re worse than me for having babies!!

Cut the boys hair as well today at long last - Amos really needs a haircut too as it’s getting really long but all I could bring myself to do was trim it a bit in front of his ears. Even just that tiny bit made him look grown up, I’m not touching the rest and certainly not his spike, it would be like cutting what’s-his-name’s hair (my mind has gone completely blank and I cannot for the life of me remember the name of the bloke who lost his powers when his hair was cut, come on, remind me).

That’s my quick update for the week. Have a good weekend whatever you’re doing.

2010-02-10T20:51:00.001Z

Today is Amos’s first birthday. I’m not going to say the usual about the time going so fast. You know it does.

I was at work most of the day so he had his presents when everyone was home from school and then his cake. Obviously he didn’t have a clue what was going on or why daddy had hidden a book and some toys in play silks (decided it would be easier for him to open and less hassle for us). When he opened the caterpillar Pjs Alfie shouted “they’re mine!!!!!!!!!!!” and took them away to put in his drawer. I have warned everyone he is not to eat anything while wearing them to try and keep them nice for as long as possible.

Then.....

And now....

I had to go to my spinning class at 5 so we did the birthday cake before I went out - again he didn’t have a clue that all the singing was for him, but he did enjoy the cake.

My night out on Monday was good - I had checked out the menu in advance to decide what to have but of course once I was there my good intentions went out of the window and we ended up sharing a starter between us, I had chips with my main course and then shared a big dessert. It was really really nice though!!

Yesterday I started work at 7.30am which wasn’t too bad but the tiredness soon kicked in again and I ended up taking advantage of the coffee on tap to keep me awake. Went to the gym in the evening and did spinning, abs and then a few weights.

2010-02-08T17:09:00.002Z

As it’s Amos’s birthday on Wednesday and we have only got him a very cute Paul Frank Julius the monkey set with a bottle (shock horror!), dummy (double shock horror!!!!!), bib and something else that I can’t remember in it we decided to have a quick trip over to Peterborough to get him a Piggy Bank toy that I’d seen and though he might like from Toys R Us, then nipped into the Queensgate centre to spend my £10 John Lewis voucher on half a pair of Very Hungry Caterpillar Pjs for him (I had to pay for the other half as said Pjs were not cheap!!). Typically they didn’t have a small enough pair for him so we cunningly went for the 3-4 years size thinking that Alfie can wear them first and then we would get our money’s worth (we did consider buying the even bigger size so we could get three children’s worth of wear out of them but we just know that Jack wouldn’t be seen dead in them and anyway by the time Amos got them they’d be wrecked.)

If Alfie refuses to wear them then they will just have to go away for him - I don’t need a crystal ball to predict that in about 6 years time we will come across them during a big clear out and go “oh, no, we forgot to get these out for Amos when he was three” and put them away for a grandchild (only for our adult grandchildren to be clearing out the house after we have gone and wonder why on earth their grandparents had an unworn pair of Caterpillar Pjs stashed away in their house.)

So, he has a couple of nice things to open from us, hopefully I will remember to get him one of those “That’s not my ……” books too as he likes a couple of the ones we have.

I was going to go to the gym after we got home but I am soooo tired I decided not to go - really, can’t keep my eyes open tired. I’m being picked up for a works night out in less than two hours so a sleep is out of the question. It’s our leaving do so I should go really. Hopefully it will be a good night. And hopefully not too late as I am at work at 7.30 tomorrow morning (thank god the coffee is on tap!!)

The idea is that I can have a drink - I might have one but no more than that. I am not risking doing anything that has everyone saying “do you remember when Lucie ……. on that meal we went to???” for years to come.

I will make up for my slackness by going to the gym on Saturday instead (I was actually going to go first thing this morning and was all ready to go but then we decided on the Peterborough trip instead. Is this the first sign that my dedication may be waning???)

2010-02-07T14:24:00.001Z

Sorry I’ve been so slack at writing again. Some days I wonder if I should write about even the more boring mundane days of my life as well as the slightly more interesting stuff. Do you want to hear about the mundane stuff??

I have a busy week at work coming up. I’m doing 29 hours instead of my usual 12 because we’re getting more short staffed. Two people have left since New Year and one person is on holiday. I’m not complaining, the money will be nice. Next Sunday is my final shift there - I’m on holiday the following week and then we close.

I’m hoping to find something else soon, but there isn’t a lot out there, especially not for someone with as little experience as me - people go on about how being a mother is the most important job in the world yet it counts for absolutely zilch in the real world of employment, in fact, it counts against you when you’re trying to get back to work.

I’m really enjoying going to the gym five days a week. I’m doing lots of classes and having a session with a PT once a week too (not costing me anything so I’d be mad to decline). I am starting to actually feel a difference now - when I put my hands on my hips there is less to hold on to and I can feel my hip bones. I’ve also developed muscles in my arms which I’m very proud of - they’re still barely noticeable to most people but I can see them, lol

I’ve set myself a target for reaching my final goal - the end of April - so I am totally focussed on reaching it at the moment. I’m starting to make friends at the gym as well which is nice - it’s a bit depressing to go somewhere like that and see other people chatting away and not having anyone to even say hello to. But now I see at least one person to at least say hello to when I go. And there’s usually someone to chat to, or have a coffee with after a class. I also spotted one of the mums from school the other day too which was nice, especially as her daughter is friends with one of mine.

Amos is almost a year old already! He’s such a lovely little baby, and doing really well. He is still commando crawling everywhere but can get on his knees to reach higher up things. He’s just started pointing to what he wants or where he wants to go which is really cute.

He wasn’t well last week, his temps went up to over 104 a few times and he still has a cough lingering. I might take him to the doctors this week if he is still coughing as I’m a bit worried about it - he’ll have big coughing fits and it sounds quite wet IYSWIM? Amusingly, he has a spike of hair that goes flat when he’s not well and then perks up again when he’s feeling better.

I’m working all day on his birthday which is a shame but I’m sure he won’t care or notice. We’ll have a cake though and a little tea party. Then on Friday we’ll be having a tea party and cake all over again for Eleanor who is going to be 12.

I’m looking forward to having half term week at home with the children. I think we’re going to have to organise some day trips out somewhere and actually do something. We usually end up staying at home and doing nothing in the school holidays which must get boring for the children. I think there are quite a few places we could go that are free.

I’m also hoping to get the caterpillar quilt finished soon as well. I keep saying I’ll do it when the tidying is done, I will finish it soon though and then it’s not gathering dust on the back of my chair anymore, making me feel guilty!!!

Hope you’ve had a good weekend, whatever you’ve been doing.

2010-02-04T23:36:00.002Z

Sorry I haven't written anything for ages. I've got loads to write, it's just finding the time to actually do it.

I'm going to the gym lots which is great and I'm really seeing and feeling the benefits now. I love it.

Until I get round to writing more, have you seen the fish at the bottom of the page? Scroll right down to see them and hover your mouse over them.

2010-01-28T22:28:00.002Z

I'm going to rant now I'm afraid. Why why why when I offer things for sale do people say they want things and then not bother to contact me again. Or they change their mind but don't bother to let you know so a week or so later you're waiting for their payment and email them to remind them and they go "oh I'm sorry, I don't want it anymore" (usually using some stupid excuse). I am sooooooooooo fed up with it keep happening. I'm sure it's not just me it happens to. Why are people so bloody rude and such time wasters??

Seriously, if someone offers something for sale and you've said you want it then keep up your side of the bargain and pay for it. Don't mess them around, it really pisses people off. Especially if they've done what I do which is find packaging for the item so I can see what the weight will be and then I usually leave it in the envelope or box until the payment arrives and then I can just quickly seal it, address it and then post it.

Can you tell I am really angry about this?? It's happened to me a number of times over the past few weeks alone. I have piles of stuff cluttering the place up waiting to be paid for.

I've tried chasing a couple of people up but had no reply so it's going back in the box and they can forget it (worse still, one of the items was free for postage so I was doing them a favour).

You really are rude and annoying when you waste people's time like this.

And while I'm at it - if the person who owes me £10 is reading this, I hope you're proud of yourself for ripping me off and stealing from me (as well as the other person you ripped off at the same time from the same forum).

All I can say is I hope karma bites these people on the arse big time.

2010-01-20T20:29:00.001Z

Encouraged by another blog I read, I had my colours done today. I’ve wanted to have it done for years and never got round to it but before Christmas I enquired with a local Colour Me Beautiful Consultant about booking a session and well, today I had it.

I have to admit to being a bit nervous - was she going to take one look at me and announce my hair is totally the wrong colour for me and my clothes made me look washed out?? What do you wear to one of these sessions??

Helen was really lovely. She has a room dedicated to her job and it was so relaxing and beautifully decorated - I want a room just like it. My hair (which is getting redder and redder with each hairdressers appointment) is a great colour apparently, but needs to be a warmer red if possible. So that was a relief. I think my top was the wrong colour too but never mind (and I can always wear a scarf with it).

I now know all the colours which suit me - and it was amazing to see just what a difference the right colour made to my face as opposed to the wrong colour. Yes, there are some disappointment - I absolutely love bright pink and it’s a no no for me. But I can still wear bright red which is great. Some of the colours I didn’t like but they made me look really well, so I am going to have to be brave and get some.

Helen also went through my make-up and sorted it into two piles - one that suits me and one that doesn’t. The no pile was bigger than the yes, and typically the items I use every day were in the no pile. But it is such a relief to know what will look good on me, and even a relief to have so much less make-up too. It was taking up 2 shelves in my bathroom cupboard, now it fits into one make-up bag.

I do have a (small!!) shopping list of a few bits I could do with getting which I will treat myself to one day.

If you’re in Lincolnshire and fancy having a session then I highly recommend Helen. She also does style makeovers (which I am going to have when I have finished losing the weight), will go shopping with you and is even a therapist and does reflexology. Her website is: http://www.helenmajor.co.uk/

Since September I’ve lost 2 stone in weight which I’m really pleased about although I do have about another two stone to go. I had my hair cut off and coloured - I’d love to be brave enough to go the same colour as Jane Goldman (Mrs Jonathan Ross), maybe one day I will!! Another boost to my confidence was getting my job. I’m loving going to the gym as well - I surprised myself tonight when I found that I was at the front of the class, by choice and not because everyone else had beaten me to the back. I can’t wait until I’ve lost the rest of my weight as I know it will be another boost to my confidence.

Yum!

2010-01-19T21:25:00.002Z

One of the blogs I like reading is called Border Stories. The lady who writes it posts some lovely recipes - she's into the same sort of "weird" food as I am so I love reading about her latest things and the info she posts. The raw chocolate fudge thing I make is one of her recipes and I also tried making kimchi: http://mamauktalesfromwales.blogspot.com/2010/01/kimchi.html

Now it's a bit of a faff to make but oh my goodness!! I am supposed to be leaving it to sit for a week before I can eat it. All I can say is it's a good job I made 2 jars of it because I keep going back to it for another mouthful - the last one had a lot of chilli in it so that's made me a bit more wary of eating it too quickly. I can't wait for it to be ready although I'm not sure what to do with it once it is.

And I have another batch of the raw chocolate in the fridge right now - my last lot was a disaster after I tried making it without the recipe in front of me so I am looking forward to this one being set.

2010-01-18T22:41:00.000Z

The quilt still isn’t finished. I’m not to blame though - I ordered new thread and was sent the wrong stuff but the place I ordered from seems to be ignoring my emails now so I am NOT happy!!!

I’m back into the gym in a big way again. I’m going 5 times a week and doing 2 classes or a class and a session in the gym, or if I’m too late for a class then just a session in the gym. I prefer classes as I am sure I work a lot harder than I do when I’m on my own. Is it a sign you’re addicted that when you leave you want to turn round and go back to do some more??? If so, then it’s an addiction I’m happy to have.

I’m still eating my high raw wheat free diet. We sell wheat free chocolate cake at work so I decided to try one to see if I reacted to it or not and I did. I don’t know if it’s the sugar in it or something else, but I felt quite ill for hours afterwards and like I had a bowling ball in my stomach. I only ate half of it as well.

It’s going well though, and I feel good on it which probably is what makes my reactions to other things so much worse, because I am so aware of how good I can feel.

I’m currently looking for a new job. We’re closing at the end of next month so I need something else. I’ve applied for a few things and heard nothing back, but hopefully something will come up soon. Fingers crossed!!!

We have an appointment this week about Millie so hopefully something will get moving as everything seemed to have come to a standstill over Christmas. Cross your fingers for that too please! :-)

2010-01-10T18:45:00.003Z

Ok, the secret project - it wasn’t a secret really, but here it is anyway.

I got the fabric a while ago (if you go back through my blog entries you’ll see it when it arrived) and then spurred on by a discussion on Facebook about Hungry Caterpillar quilts I decided to make a start on mine. I made it up as I went along but then looking online at what other people had done it seems that I made it the same as most people.

I would have liked to have had more colours for the sashing but that was what was available from the co-op so I had to make do but I am pleased with it.

I didn’t know how to quilt it - I felt that just stitching in the ditch or doing squares would be boring but I had never tried freehand quilting and was a bit scared of it. I decided to give it a go anyway and couldn’t believe just how easy it is. Ok, more experienced quilters would laugh at my attempt but I’m happy with it.

What I wasn’t so happy about was running out of quilting thread halfway through. I’m hoping eBay will come to the rescue. If not, well, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I’ve used transparent thread for the top and primary variegated in the bobbin. The coloured thread comes through in a few places but I can live with that. Once the quilting is done I can bind it and then it’s finished. Already small battles are breaking out as to who gets it. It’s not for any one person, it’s for everyone to share.

2010-01-08T23:09:00.004Z

Today it has snowed, and I have sewed!! Yes, really. I have actually made something, but it's not finished yet so you'll have to wait until tomorrow for photos.

It snowed very heavily here - I managed to persuade Alfie that he really did want to go to playschool this morning but by the time we had got into the car it was blizzarding down so we went back indoors. When we got back into the house I looked outside and the car was completely white again. I think it was a good choice!!

This afternoon was lovely though, very cold, but bright, so I went for a nice walk around the village and ended up chatting to an old man outside his house for nearly an hour. He was lovely, but very lonely and I felt really sorry for him. He's 91 and his wife died 8 years ago and since then he's just been desperate to die so he can be with her again. He goes to the crematorium every day no matter what the weather to see her and every night says "I love you" to her photo. They were her last words to him and he hopes they can be his last words too.

He did have some village gossip though some of which was slightly disappointing. The old man who lives next door to us is always having visits from an old lady, or he's always at her house or driving her somewhere. We call her Elsie and were convinced she was his girlfriend. Sadly not, she's his sister-in-law. No idea if she's really called Elsie though - I would laugh if she is!!

Then there was a discussion about something on Facebook that led to me being inspired enough to start on my own version. I have almost finished the main part of it and will almost certainly get it done tomorrow, especially as I'm not going in to work.

It's gone 11pm and I actually don't want to go to bed yet - I want to keep on sewing which can only be a good sign, and I am planning to get more projects done this weekend. One of them has been sitting in the cupboard for over 6 years. Ok, it's not going to be quite what was planned originally - it was going to be a strippy quilt (yes, strippy, not stripey) but it's now just going to be a simple square patchwork.

Anyway, that's your sneak preview of tomorrow's post. No photos, but if you just imagine lots of white, you'll be there.

2010-01-06T15:51:00.002Z

I forgot to mention the other day that I have found a home for my treadle sewing machine. Normally we have the dining table in front of the window in the dining room - it leaves loads of floor space for the children to play and makes the room look huge (it is a big room but it has so much furniture in it it looks smaller than it really is). At Christmas we move the table so it’s lengthways down the room and the tree goes in front of the window. We lose a lot of floor space so I prefer the table by the window.

However, I’ve decided to leave the table where it is and put the sewing machine in front of the window instead as we don’t really have anywhere else for it to live. It’s better in the dining room too as there is more chance of me actually using it (new belt is on order from eBay so I will finally be able to try it very soon!!)

As you can see in the photo it has become a really handy place to have my laptop. The power lead has become loose and it only needs to be looked at to fall out and switch my computer off (we took the battery pack out a while ago because it was causing it to switch off all the time). On the table it stays in, the laptop stays cool and it also means I can do my computer stuff in peace as it’s nice and quiet in here.

So, even if I never use the sewing machine for sewing, it does make a nice desk for me!!

Here’s a photo of the view from here as well. It’s a bit white at the moment, but when the sun is starting to set the sky goes a lovely colour and it’s nice to just sit and look at it.

Sometimes when you read other peoples blogs you get the false impression that their life is wonderful and they don’t have problems, and their children are little angels. Let me tell you, that isn’t always the case!!! My children had got into the habit of not going to sleep until after midnight and then not getting up until midday. At 2.30am the other morning after going up countless times to Jack and Alfie to nicely ask them to get back into bed I ended up screaming at them to GET INTO BED AND GO TO SLEEP NOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW. Funnily enough it worked, although Jack slept until 1pm. Poor Alfie had to get up early for his first day at playschool (which went really well, hopefully his next session will do too) I suspect they will be asleep and stay asleep fairly quickly tonight as it’s the first day back.

Unlike what seems to be the entire rest of the country we don’t have deep snow. In fact we barely have any. I am hoping we get some very soon, I love it when it snows. But it is really cold at the moment, so much so that even my new sheepskin slippers (I know, I said I wasn’t buying anything this year but I needed them) aren’t keeping my feet as warm as I would like. I think I’m going to have to move one of the portable heaters in here.

And talking of slippers, aren’t these cute. Yes, I know, but Amos does need something to keep his feet warm too. They are so gorgeously soft that I am very jealous mine weren’t as strokable!!

2010-01-04T22:27:00.001Z

Ok, this may just end up being a bit of a ramble so I apologise in advance.

Christmas was a nice day. We did our usual Christmas thing - the children had stockings on their beds to open before they woke us up. To avoid any nasty incidents involving the Thomas the Tank Engine bubble bath that Jack and Alfie had in their stockings we, I mean, Santa, put their stockings on Ellie’s bed so she could supervise them opening everything. The children had their traditional Terry’s chocolate orange or bag of chocolate coins in their stockings as well as lots of other bits and pieces.

This meant we got to sleep until about half eight before we could stand the visits to our room to see if the other presents could be opened no longer. The children sorted their presents into piles and took it in turns to open one each - those who had lots of cheaper items took longer to open than the ones who had few more expensive things but they understand that everyone had the same amount spent on them (apart from poor Amos who got one present but took nearly half an hour to get it open).

We didn’t go mad on things for them. Because of the family situation we’re the only people who buy things for our children so they’re not inundated with piles and piles of stuff like some children are. I think they were all really pleased with what they got though, Jack especially as he has an obsession with level crossings and traffic lights and he got both in his pile.

After presents we have breakfast - the traditional croissants and what may be a new tradition, bagels. Both were eaten as quickly as possible by the children and off they went to play again.

As they were all busy I took the opportunity to start sorting through my books to cull some of them to be listed on Amazon. It’s one of those things I do in stages - usually taking two or three things off the shelves at a time to add to the “selling” pile. My intention is to get rid of most of my books this year (hopefully reading them first). I’m not a book hoarder (I’m not really an anything hoarder!!) once I’ve read a book if I know I’m not going to refer back to it or read it again then it gets listed on Amazon. There are a couple of books I can’t get rid of such as the Miriam Stoppard pregnancy book I bought when pregnant with Robbie back in 1995. It was my bible throughout many of my pregnancies so I will keep it for sentimental reasons. I’ve got a lot of fiction I want to get read this year and it’s one of my intentions that I will read at least one a month.

Dinner was the traditional turkey roast and was lovely. We also had beef and pork (which I don’t like as I think it smells too piggy). I decided a while ago that I was going to eat whatever I liked on Christmas day and get back to the raw afterwards.

All in all it was a lovely day. I do feel a bit sad that we don’t have a family to come round and join us for Christmas but that’s the situation and we have to put up with it. And it does mean we can sit in our Pjs all day and not have to worry about keeping other people entertained or fed etc.

I worked on Boxing Day and was surprised to see how busy it was.

We didn’t do anything for New Year this year. We usually invite someone round but we decided we couldn’t be bothered this year - I know, we’re really unsociable!!

I’ve gradually got back into eating high raw again. It’s been hard, some days I just haven’t managed to eat raw at all, other days I’ve eaten 100% raw all day until dinner time then I’ve had something awful like pie and chips (which doesn’t help my wheat intolerance!!)

However, the last two days have been 100% raw which is really good. I feel that I need a few days to get rid of all the wheat and stuff from my system and then I can go back to high raw. I do have a bit of a problem with raw chocolate at the moment though. I can’t get enough of it. I feel that it can’t really be good for you, but it’s lovely. I bought some before Christmas and it was supposed to last me for a few months. I ate what I thought was the last bar this morning and was very pleased to find another one hidden away at the back of my drawer!!

I’ve just made some raw fudgey stuff that I found a recipe for on a forum I’m occasionally go on. I had the ingredients and decided to give it a go - oh my goodness!! It is sooo gorgeous but quite oily so I couldn’t manage much at a time. It won’t last long mind you, lol I think I will have to cut it into very small squares and limit myself to one a day.

As you know I am having a big clear out - I think this is just the first wave, and once I have got rid of most of what I’m trying to sell at the moment I will probably do another sweep of my stuff to see what else can go (keep on checking my for sale pages in case I list something you're after!!). I have a bit of a thing about “stuff”. I would love to do without it, just have the barest minimum of things but find it hard to let go of some things. My fabric for instance. Although I’m getting rid of loads, there is still lots more up there which will probably never get used. A lot of it I think “well, I might use that for something” but I probably never will.

I really want to declutter in a big way this year and be very brutal about it. I think part of my hating clutter and hoarding comes from when we took over our first house. The wardrobes in the master bedroom were full of shit. There were clothes hanging up in there that were put away dirty and they must have been there for years. There was a pile of coat hangers in a corner and the carpet under them was a different colour to the rest of it so they must have been there forever. There were tablets that were 20 years old, make up that was probably about the same age. It took me a couple of dozen bin liners to clear it all out.

We had the loft cleared out by a company as well. It took them TWO huge removal lorries to take it all away. It was only a standard size loft, not a huge mansion. There were empty cardboard boxes, broken chairs, and absolutely nothing worth keeping. I’m surprised the ceilings didn’t collapse on us under the weight of it all!!

Mind you, the people living there before were filthy filthy people. No cleaning had been done for years and years, it was disgusting.

Anyway, I digress. That’s one of my goals, to declutter. I’m also going to buy as little as I possibly can this year. I really want to pay off my credit card as quickly as possible so that’s another goal. I’m not going to promise to buy nothing because I don’t know if I can stick to it, but I am certainly going to think twice about everything I want to buy. And definitely no craft stuff, no fabric, no wool. At least not until I have used up everything I have and only if I have a definite project for it.

One of my things is beauty products - I have managed to stop myself buying them the way I used to and didn’t actually need to buy any shower gel in 2009 and what is still left will probably do me for most of 2010 (and bear in mind, I have a shower every morning so you can imagine how much I had stashed away!!!) I do like my premium brand products though so I will still buy them, but only as and when I need them. No stockpiling allowed. I’ve stopped my make-up buying habit as well which was hard at first. In fact, I think I will be doing another cull of what is left from the last clear-out (my 11 year old has the most fab make-up collection in her school I think, lol)

I know everyone wants to lose weight at New Year (or most people anyway) but that’s another one of my goals this year, to lose the final bit of baby weight gained when I was pregnant with Amos. My aim is to lose it by Easter which I believe is doable. I’m also going to get back into going to the gym as I was awful in November and December. I think I went about twice. It’s hard when it’s cold out though isn’t it? I need to just get changed and go and forget how cold it is outside. I was going to go tonight, even wrote it on the calendar and ended up messing about online all evening instead.

I am looking forward to posting my before and after photos here when I have reached my target.

I’ll be getting a new employer this year. We were told at work the other day that we’re closing at the end of next month. Whoever comes in will have to take us on if we want to stay so depending on who it is I’ll either still be working in the same place for a new company, or I’ll be looking for a job elsewhere. I’m not too worried, I know that the right job will come along at the right time.

I have other big stuff planned too. I don’t want to say too much at the moment, but I can feel big changes happening or at least starting to happen in 2010.

I hope your year is a good one. What are you hoping to achieve this year?

Talk to you again soon.

2010-01-03T00:50:00.001Z

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged for a while. I have lots to write, and will get round to it very soon, I promise.

In the meantime though, I’ve been having a big clear-out and have listed a load of stuff for sale here I suspect this is only going to be the first of several sweep throughs of the house. There’s a lot of fabric listed if you’re after some, nappy patterns, craft stuff, Waldorfy stuff, all sorts. If you would like anything then please email me - I’m on AOL and the first part of my email address is . I’m sure you can work out the rest (clue @aol.com)

I have more news for you when I get round to writing it down. Hope you had a lovely Christmas and that 2010 is a great year for you.

2009-12-25T00:18:00.001Z

Happy Christmas! I hope you have/had a lovely day and remember, if something didnt get done, or got forgotten, will it matter this time next month? In 6 months time? This time next year? Probably not.

2009-12-19T17:45:00.006Z

Well, you wanted photos, so here are a few to keep you happy (and if you’re the person who voted no, then I apologise for this photo heavy posting).

If you read lots of blogs then you’re probably fed up of people’s snow pictures, but if you’re not then here’s a few more. I took them about 3pm and you can see the sun is starting to set - we get some fantastic sunsets out at the front of our house here. I’ve even considered taking a photo of the sunset every day to post.

Chicken prints in the snow. The poor old girls are not impressed with all this cold and have been spending a lot of time in their house.

Hopefully this will be our indoor Christmas tree in a couple of years!

The chicken house and a glimpse of the view out to the back of the house. We only get to see it in the Winter when all the leaves and other greenery have gone.

Snowman.

Out to the side of the house. Notice our neighbours lovely pristine snow. How I would love to run around on it!

Taken at the front of the house.

Another one out to the front, the sun starting to set.

Top one taken out to the side of the house, the one below was taken between our house and next doors, towards the back.

The front of the house. The bit with the front door is a later addition to the original part of the house just behind it (originally built in 1802)

Another one of the front of the house

Up and down our lane. You can see how icy the road is.

Our dining room looks out to the front and sometimes I think about having it as our lounge instead to take advantage of the beautiful views but there isn’t a fireplace in here. Maybe we should have it as our summer lounge and move back to the other one for the Winter??

If you read my entry yesterday you may recall I said (again!) I’m fed up of sewing. What I am about to say next doesn’t change that, but I am very excited about this:

It was offered up on Freecycle today and I would have missed it had I not spotted the word “sewing” in the title of an email that Craig had just deleted. I made him open it to see what it said and there was this machine being offered. It has been given to someone months ago but they didn’t turn up to collect it so it was being re-offered. I have wanted an old treadle machine for years, mainly just for decorative purposes, I don’t know if I would ever use it. So, it’s now sitting in my dining room awaiting a spot somewhere safe.

I’ve done a bit of research on it and have pinned it down to being a Singer 66K, the serial number was allocated on September 27 1934 in the Kilbowie factory in Clydebank.

The top of it needs some restoration but the actual machine seems to be in perfect condition apart from needing a new belt as the one that came with it has snapped. It even had the manual which is in an envelope sent in 1973 - I’m wondering if the machine was sold or given to someone and they had to send the manual on later on. It’s soaked in machine oil so not easy to read but seems in pretty good condition otherwise. Better still, I have found a copy of the instructions on the Singer website for it so I can download them and not have to risk damaging the original.

There are a couple of the accessories missing such as the under-braider but the feet that are there are useful - a hemmer is very handy as I hate doing hems and to have something that does it for you is great!!

2009-12-18T22:07:00.001Z

I couldn’t blog today without mentioning the snow could I? It took me over an hour to do the school run this morning (more like a crawl today!!!). It usually takes me 20 minutes. The snow was really thick and heavy and driving was not much fun.

Our lane was very slippery as I discovered when I tried to stop to let a car past a van that was parked by the side of the road. I had a moment of panic as the car didn’t stop and I just had to try and guide it through the gap between the van and the oncoming car without hitting either.

On the way home I nipped into the shop to buy a couple of bits and also a packet of cigarettes as part of my work Secret Santa present - I was most chuffed when I got asked for ID. The poor woman was really embarrassed when she discovered how old I am but I told her she had made my week.

Beth’s school closed early so we had to go and get her. Work had phoned to see if I could go in earlier than I was meant to so we decided we’d pick up Beth and then go on to Tesco. It took nearly an hour to get halfway to the school (it takes 10 minutes to get there normally) and the weather was getting worse so I rang and said I wouldn’t be in at all.

Craig dropped us off at home and went off to get the primary school children early as he didn’t want to have to go out later if it was really bad. Typically the snow had stopped by then and it seemed to be starting to thaw but it did snow again a bit later.

I did some sewing this afternoon - Millie has several “sheeties” that she has had since she was born. We got them from Baby Gap and they’re made from 2 pieces of gorgeously soft interlock with a binding edge and have various different designs on them. They have been snuggled so much over the last 9.5 years that they are starting to fall apart. The binding on the edge of Giraffe sheetie had come away and it all needed sewing back together. I think I did an ok job, at least it will last a while longer anyway.

I also cut off the waistband on my favourite Julius the Monkey Pjs and remade it, replacing the elastic so they will now fit me (lets just say they had no trouble fitting me when I was very pregnant but now I’m not pregnant and have lost 2 stone they just wouldn’t stay up).

Then there were three stockings to make - a lovely online friend of mine embroiders the latest addition to the family’s name on a stocking every time I have another baby and this year I got her to do one each for me and Craig. So they’re now all sewn up and ready to hang on Christmas eve.

It was all very simple stuff, no need to even really think about what I was doing yet I very quickly got a headache, sore shoulders and back from being so tense and was really stressed, snapping at anyone who came in the room. I definitely don’t enjoy sewing anymore. I’ll keep my machines as they’re handy in case of needing to mend things or make a costume for something, but I suspect 2010 will be the year I get rid of all most, if not all of my fabric and other stuff. We could really use the space it all takes up, and the money I will hopefully get for it.

Wednesday night was school play night. Sophie and Jack’s was good. Sophie was a teacher and was a bit too good at being bossy, lol Jack was a toy soldier and did really well. He was so cute, especially when he was signing the songs (all the songs were signed by the children). It wasn’t too long either so it didn’t matter too much that I didn’t have a clue what was happening.
Millie’s though was another matter. It was waaaaayyyyyyyyy too long, it didn’t make sense and was not a pleasant experience to sit through. It went on (and on!) for over 90 minutes and I have to admit I got to the point where I couldn’t stand it any longer and had to leave. It could have done with being a lot shorter and I wasn’t the only person who was willing it to end. A lot of the audience were fidgeting, chatting and looking at the clock.

I also had a slightly unpleasant experience when one of the people I, to put it bluntly, hate, decided to try and talk to me. She was telling the children how well they had done and I decided to ignore it and hope she went away but then she kept saying “Lucie, Lucie, Lucie” trying to talk to me. I gave her a look and ignored her and she did go away. But then at the end she came over again and started talking to me again. This time I told her not to speak to me or my children ever again and she walked off saying how sad it was. I wish I’d told her that it was her own fault for deciding she would rather be friends with that stuck up, fake, patronising bitch but I didn’t and I don’t suppose I will get the chance again. Ah well, at least she is aware that I do not wish to ever speak to her ever again. Ever. Or any of the rest of them. After what they did to me I have no interest in them. They showed just what they are like when they basically just dumped me and we don’t do the forgive and forget thing in this house - as Craig’s family will confirm over 16 years since they last saw or spoke to us.

Life is too short to spend with people who think so little of you that they upset you, betray you, piss you off, dump you or whatever, or to spend getting stressed and upset about whatever it is they’ve done. Don’t waste any more time on them. They’re the ones who suffer in the end. Don’t want to grow old having never seen your 8 grandchildren, or even knowing that they exist, what their names are etc etc? Be very careful how you treat your children and their spouse then.

Rant over, lol. I used to have another blog on our website (which we no longer have as we didn’t bother to renew the subscription for the name when it ran out last year and if the email address you have for me is linked to that website you may have discovered it no longer works for that very reason) that I used to vent my feelings on. Someone told me they had found it and they couldn’t believe how strong it was. I had to laugh as it was an incredibly toned down version of what I wanted to say. A good old rant is good for the soul sometimes isn’t it??

Anyway, hope everyone has a nice weekend planned (unless you are someone I don’t like in which case I hope you have a crap weekend) - I must sort out some homemade wine for one of my lovely real-life friends, get the new bedroom arrangements sorted out (the children are moving around) and make my final batch of mince pies. Might do a bit more sewing as well.

Ciao for now.

2009-12-15T23:05:00.001Z

We have had more steps forward this week. In fact things have suddenly progressed at a fast pace.

I had a call this afternoon from a family support worker who has been assigned to us. I know her from the children’s previous school and she is a really nice person. She’s going to send us a form to fill in and is going to do an assessment of us to see how she can help us and the school. An organisation called Autism Outreach have been called in as well as several other agencies plus the educational psychiatrist.

The FSW mentioned special schools as well - now, I have no problems with Millie going to a school that specialises in children like her, in fact I am thinking it might be a good idea. Funnily enough, just half an hour before the phone call (which I wasn’t expecting) we had been talking about considering taking her out of school and either home educating her or seeing if we could get her into a specialist school.

I think she might do better at home again, so am beginning to think about how we’ll do it if we do go down that route.

I have waited for things to get to this stage for so long now, so why was I so upset afterwards??

Anyway, in other news, I’m finding the healthy eating is going well. It’s amazing how changing my way of thinking has made it so much easier. If I eat something cooked or just not something that I “should” I don’t think “oh, I’ve failed, I give up”, it’s fine, it’s no big deal. I’m finding that I really don’t want to eat cooked food or wheat etc as well. I had made the decision to eat our traditional Christmas foods on Christmas Day (croissants, turkey dinner, Christmas Pudding, mince pies, Christmas cake etc etc) but the closer it gets the less I want to. But, if I do I am not going to stress about it. It’s only one day.

2009-12-13T18:49:00.003Z

I can’t quite believe it’s only 12 days to go til Christmas! Both the trees are up and decorated - the one in the dining room was done first but it took several days to get round to decorating the tree in the lounge. That may have been a slight advantage as the children came home on Friday after school and their little faces were so sweet when they saw it had been done.

I’m a bit of a control freak when it comes to decorating the trees but this year I let the children do the dining room one themselves - the whole lot apart from the lights. It looks lovely. I did the lounge one though and it’s colour co-ordinated with pink and purple decorations. I got the boys to put the chocolate decorations on it and amazingly they didn’t realise that they are edible - I wonder how long that will last???

I also have this lovely wreath made by a lovely friend of mine - isn’t it gorgeous??? I thought it was too nice to put on the front door where no one but us and the postman would see it so I put it up in the kitchen. Unfortunately it started to wilt a bit so it is now on the front door and it has perked up again.

My new diet is going well. I’m eating mainly raw food but I am having the odd bit of cooked - today for example we went into town for the Christmas market and the children wanted chips from the chip shop on the way back to the car. They smelled so gorgeous that I had to have a couple but they didn’t taste as good as they smelt so that was all I had (I have to say they are really nice chips, it’s one of the best shops in town, and normally I’d have had loads of them but I concentrated on the taste and whether or not I really wanted to eat them and the answer was no).

I’ve meant to take photos of the things I’ve been eating but have either forgotten or in the case of last nights dinner have eaten it before I could get the camera out. I do have this photo which doesn’t do the food justice but it’s avocado, broccoli and dulse in a hemp seed oil, lemon and chilli dressing. Really really nice. I’ve had it twice - the first time I was a bit uncertain if I liked it but then I craved it for a couple of days so had it again and loved it.

Last night I had nori rolls from Kate Magic Wood’s book Raw Magic. While I was making them I thought they were going to be horrible but they were sooo gorgeous I was really disappointed when I realised I’d eaten the whole lot. I’m having them for dinner again tonight.

I also received this in the post this week:

I ordered it from a US co-op months and months ago (May or June I think) and it finally arrived. I am really inspired to make a quilt with it for Alfie but I’m trying to work out where to use which fabric. I have a panel for the centre of it and only plan to do something very simple. I did think about making him a quilt cover and pillowcase set but I think a proper quilt might be nicer. It’s the first time I’ve felt really inspired so I hope it doesn’t wear off before I actually get round to it!!

Mind you, I have no excuse as my sewing desk is pretty much clear and the dining table is fairly clear as well. Hopefully I will find an afternoon very soon to sit down and sew. Or maybe I will start going to a local sewing group that has recently begun at the same place as I go to knitting group then I will have no excuse not to do some sewing!!

Is that light at the end of the tunnel we see??

2009-12-11T23:32:00.003Z

Craig was a little late getting the children to school this morning. The Head stopped him and told him she was trying to write a letter to us but didn't know how to word it. She's written it twice already but still wasn't sure what to say. Basically she wanted us to sign a referral form so Millie can be assessed by the ed psych. She had gone over the head of the person who refused to see Millie because she wasn't extreme enough and the more senior person has agreed she can be assessed. Yay!!

The Head was relieved that we're so supportive and that we're not the kind of parents who refuse to accept there is a problem with their child. We've made it very clear that we are fully aware of the problems and that we're desperate for her to be looked at.

I'm now thinking that she needs a brain scan - after we were told she would be severely brain damaged when she was ill after she was born I am convinced 100% that there is some damage there somewhere.

Fingers crossed we start getting somewhere now!

Frustration!!!

2009-12-09T21:30:00.003Z

We were really pleased when school wanted to refer Millie to the ed psyc to get her assessed and if necessary diagnosed. But, because she isn't violent or falling behind in her work they are refusing to even look at her.

She is disruptive. She has these stupid tantrums which must disturb the rest of the class. How can that not be enough of a concern to be looked at? When she is possibly causing the other children to have their education disrupted she is a problem. I know I wouldn't be happy if my child had a disruptive child in their class who was making such a noise.

I had to go in and get her tonight after school as she was refusing to come out. I found her in the corridor crying and screaming because she wasn't allowed to do the advent calendar (she'd already had her turn which is fair enough). She refused to come out with me, screaming even more when I walked to the door. But the baby was in the car on his own and I couldn't be so far away from the car for so long so I left her and went to check he was ok. I went back for her and she was being marched out by two of the staff, still screaming and crying.

I am convinced they were probably talking about me afterwards, how awful I am for shouting at her and for walking out and leaving her. Hey ho. Next time I will be lovely mummy to her and give her a big hug and see if that makes any difference.

2009-12-06T23:08:00.001Z

I’ve been slack again haven’t I???

I’ve had lots of ideas of things to write but haven’t been at a computer when I’ve thought of them. Anyway, here’s a quick summary of the past week or so.

I made the first batch of mince pies of the year at the beginning of the week. They went down so well that I have no photos to share with you.

I was going to post one of my lovely new polka dot cake tins. I love red and white polka dots, I’m thinking of transforming my kitchen into a polka dot fiesta, lol They’re not quite as lovely as they were when I bought them - Robbie dropped one on the floor and swore blind it wasn’t dented. No, it wasn’t dented, it was squashed into a very unround shape.

I took a tin full to my knitting group thinking that I’d bring most of the home again - they were so popular that I came home with about 4.

I absolutely love my homemade mince pies. The pastry is gorgeous and very short - I use Delia’s recipes for my Christmas baking. Unfortunately I can’t eat them anymore.

I hadn’t eaten wheat for about two weeks until I ate a couple after I’d baked them. I’ve always suspected I’m sensitive to wheat - I won’t claim to be allergic to it, but I do react after eating it - and the mince pies seemed to confirm it. I got the familiar itching in my throat, nose and ears I always get when I eat something with wheat in and had stomach cramps and I could feel the wind moving through my intestines. I went wheat free again for a few more days and then tried again - same symptoms. So I am finally going to do something about it. Ie cut out wheat from my diet.

It’s not going to be easy, but I am determined to stick to it. I’ve had an interest in raw food for many years now and have “gone raw” numerous times but it never lasts for more than a few days before I’m back on cooked food again. I think my mistake has been that I’m an all or nothing sort of girl and so always vow to be 100% raw, fail one day and then decide to forget it. So, I am going to go “high raw” this time. If I eat something cooked then that’s ok, but the majority of my diet is going to be raw, and I’m going to include lots of raw super foods such as maca, lucuma, purple corn extract etc etc.

I got all my raw books out last night to get some ideas and I managed to get quite a lot of the ingredients from the health food shop in town (considering how behind the rest of the country Lincolnshire seems to be this particular shop is amazing, and sells all sorts of things you wouldn’t expect them to have even heard of let along stock). I’m going to have to put an order in to one of my fave raw food sites Raw Living for some other bits and pieces and I suspect a bar or two of their amazing chocolate will find it’s way into my shopping basket!!! I just wish I lived near Brighton still so I could go and try one of their delicious sounding raw cakes.

Updated to add - I had some cheesecake yesterday and felt really ill before even finishing the slice. However, I had some chocolate tonight and didn’t react so I can still eat that - phew!!
A bit of big news here is that we’ve decided to try Alfie at playgroup again after Christmas. The last attempt was September last year and he hated it, but we feel he needs to get used to being away from us with other people before he starts school next year. He’ll be the fourth one of our children to go to this group so we know he’ll be well looked after. I took him for a look round yesterday and he seemed to like it - until the end when he wanted to take the picture he had been doing home with us, but the little girl who was helping him wanted to keep it as well…. There was a bit of a tug of war and tears (from Alfie) until one of the ladies managed to get the picture back for him.

Amos is now crawling quite well - I say crawling, it’s more of a dragging himself along but he can get himself to wherever he wants to be. Usually the plug sockets. It’s so cute!!

On Thursday I went to my knitting group - I didn’t bother with any make-up, didn’t do my hair, wore a scruffy cardigan and didn’t bother with my contact lenses. It’s only knitting group after all isn’t it?? Guess who was chosen to present a cheque to the lady from a local hospice?? They decided that they needed to dispel the myth that knitting groups are all old ladies and that the youngest person there should do the presentation and have their photo taken for the local paper. Grrrrr.

The Christmas present shopping is going well. I think there are only a few more bits to get. I have to admit that Craig has done most of it again. He’s so good at it. Once again I am in charge of the stockings. I’m also meant to be making a few bits for the children too. I really ought to get on with it!!!

How could I forget???

2009-11-22T20:58:00.003Z

Aside from meeting up with Liz and Alison, the highlight of my Harrogate trip was getting several compliments on the Amy Butler changing bag I made (I took it with me for all my shopping). Having strangers comment on it made me feel really proud.

2009-11-22T19:39:00.003Z

Yesterday I went to the Knitting and Stitching show at Harrogate. It’s the third or fourth time I’ve been and I usually meet up with friends from a group I’m on (we started off as sewing buddies years ago but most of us no longer have very much time for it, many of us now knit but we do have time to chat and chat. Even though I have only met most of the members once or twice, and some not at all yet, I think of them as being some of my best friends).

There were four halls of knitting, stitching and the usual unrelated stands that always seem to be at these events - fudge, miracle cleaning products, scarves etc etc. Heaven for a fan of anything to do with textile crafts. I did my usual walk round once to see what there is, decide what I want to go back for a proper look at and check out of prices. Then spent the rest of the day going back and forth from hall to hall and yes, I did spend some money.

It was lovely to meet up with my friends Liz and Alison as well - I haven’t actually met up with Alison before so it was nice to be able to put a face to the name now.

So, what did I buy???

I bought this doll kit and also another book to make some different dolls from AK Traditions They are gorgeous!! The book on the right comes from the kit - the box doesn’t really show you much.

This yarn and the shawl pin are to make a cardigan for me that appears in issue 5 of The Knitter magazine.

This pile of goodies from Oliver Twists. Now, I am ashamed to admit that I bought a bag of goodies from them a couple of years ago and I still haven’t used it….. But, I have lots of plans for this little lot (ask me this time next year how much of it I’ve used!!!!) There are silk tops, silk laps, experimental packs with all sorts of bits and pieces, felt, thread and a bag of mixed bits and pieces that I have had some ideas about dyeing. Unfortunately the colours in the photo aren't great and you can't see the real colours - the felt is different shades of pink for example, not the odd red orangey colour on the screen.

I also have to show you my charity shop bargain - I never have any luck getting bargains and am always really jealous to read about other people’s fantastic luck at finding things, so I was really chuffed to notice this in one of the charity shops in town as we happened to be passing. It’s brand new and was £30. I’ve wanted one for ages and ages but they always go for loads on eBay (if I never use it I can always sell it on there!!)

2009-11-21T21:40:00.001Z

Just got back from Harrogate. Got loads to post about (and some photos) but am far too tired tonight. However, I will share that one of these days I am going to learn a certain lesson that I am being taught at the moment. Coffee. Glove compartment cup holder. Roundabout. I shall say no more......

2009-11-20T21:33:00.001Z

What a week!! It took me until tonight to post the entry I started on Sunday (and didn’t quite finish but hey ho).

On Sunday night Alfie was sick several times. Then Sophie started. We thought it was just over excitement or too much party food but kept Sophie off school on Monday. Unfortunately, by Monday morning she wasn’t the only one not well so we had all but one of the children at home.

Sophie had a lovely birthday, she loved her presents especially her “in a line skates”. Normally the children open their presents when they get home from school if their birthday is a school day. The reason for this? Because we’re useless parents and usually only get round to wrapping their presents up just before we go to collect them from school. This has obviously not gone unnoticed by the children and several times through the morning Sophie asked if we had wrapped her presents yet….

Being even more useless parents we decided on an even easier option and wrapped them in play silks instead. She didn’t mind fortunately.

At school all the children (all 60-odd of them) are into either Match Attax football cards or Gogo crazy bones, umm, thingies. Sophie strangely likes the football cards and got this years folder and several packs of cards to go in it (after searching everywhere for them for days both Craig and I found them and bought her 10 packs only to discover that the other one had got some too…) We think it’s hilarious that she calls all the players by their first names - her favourite is Tim.

So, Tuesday I went into work and felt fine until after I got home when I started being sick too. I didn’t get much chance to rest as Craig had an op on Wednesday so I had to be up to take him there for 8 and then look after the children - all of them were at home ill (they had gone back to school on Tuesday).

Fortunately Craig recovered really quickly so I didn’t have to look after him too much. I’m not much of a nurse at the best of times, let alone when I’m ill.

I was meant to be going to a Knitting and Stitching show in Harrogate today but have decided to go tomorrow. I’ve actually got a list of things to be looking out for this time - normally I go to these things without one and regret it, so I am prepared!!

Want a laugh? When I left work on Tuesday I got a drink to take home with me - a grande black coffee (Xmas blend - gorgeous, get it while you can!) - and sat it in the cup holder in my car. You open the glove compartment and the cup holder is in the flap. On the first roundabout I went round the bloody thing fell over and tipped into the glove compartment completely soaking everything in there (including all my important car documents) and now my car smells of coffee but not in a pleasant way. Argh!!

I’m sure more happened this week. I’m still feeling off my food which is no bad thing - I’ve lost about 6lbs as well which I am not going to complain about.

Posted 5 days late.....

2009-11-20T21:05:00.000Z

When you have lots of children some things don’t get much of a reaction beyond “oh dear, chicken pox again, hey ho”, however some things are still exciting and new - Amos has finally worked out how to move forwards and I think he is just the cleverest baby on the planet (just as they all were when they finally worked out how to move). I hesitate to call it a crawl - he doesn’t get up onto his hands and knees yet, he only uses one leg and drags the other one behind him, almost as if he’s got a limp. Combined with rolling he can now get to wherever he wants to be (especially the plugs under the TV unit) It’s hilarious to watch, but don’t worry, I won’t inflict a video of him doing it on you, lol

Tomorrow we have another birthday, this time Sophie’s. We invited her friend from her old school to come over for the day and she had her birthday tea today. I got home from work just in time to see her blowing out the candles on her cake which I was glad about. I’m working again tomorrow so I won’t see much of her before she goes to bed.

I’m really enjoying the job. It’s nice to get out of the house and dare I admit that when I’m there I don’t think about the children (unless somebody asks me a question about them). It’s so nice not to be “muumuum” for a few hours and I think it probably doesn’t even occur to many of the customers that I have children (and certainly not 8 of them!!) I did get asked today if I have to do all the cleaning at home - here’s another terrible confession for you. I probably do more cleaning at work than I do at home.

Did I mention my electric blanket? If you haven’t got one then I highly recommend it. To get into a lovely (very) warm bed is just bliss. I can’t believe it’s taken us so long to get one. I think we’re going to have to get the children one each now.

Thank you to everyone for the comments on my last post and also for the ones on my post about depression. Unfortunately they disappeared when I changed the comments moderation settings but I did read them all. One thing I forgot to mention on that post was that when you have one of those bad days sometimes it can help to think “oh dear, I’m having a bad day today” rather than “oh no, my depression has come back, I’m so low, how long am I going to feel like this”? If you can accept that some days will be bad but not necessarily all of them sometimes it can help (I know sometimes even thinking positive doesn’t help, and sometimes you just cannot think positively at all no matter how hard you try). If you’ve been lucky enough not to have ever been depressed please believe me when I say it’s not as simple as “pulling yourself together”, if it was then there would be no need for psychiatrists and psychiatric units. The lowest depths of depression are not where we choose to be, honestly.

Changing the subject entirely, does anyone want some nappy patterns? I can’t remember exactly what I’ve got but there’s a Cuddlebuns, Poochies, Poopockets (2), Honeyboy home and some more that I have forgotten off the top of my head. £20 or reasonable offer for all of them. Email me if you’d like them.

Who are you?

2009-11-12T23:44:00.002Z

I occasionally look at the live traffic feed for this blog to see who is visiting (and where from, and also where they've gone once they've visited) and there seems to be a lot of people from all over the place, so, who are you? :-) I would love it if you said "hello" and told me who you are, where you're from and if you have your own blog leave the address.

I was particularly interested to see a reader from Braintree in Essex had visited - we used to live there many years ago, it's where Craig is from and the two oldest children were born there, so please let me know who you are, I'd love to say hello and see if we know the same people etc.

It's lovely to think so many people read my witterings, lol

I'd also be interested to know if the traffic feed is actually accurate - one blog I go to has one and it says I'm from all sorts of different places around the country, but never actually where I am from. Very strange!

Anyway, come and share a virtual cup of coffee with me again soon.

2009-11-12T23:29:00.001Z

Typical! I started blogging a bit more regularly and then had a problem with my laptop. I couldn’t use it for a couple of days and yesterday it had loads of virus checks etc done on it but now it seems to be working ok. One of the problems was the typing was really really slow. I’d type a sentence and half an hour later it was still slowly appearing on the screen. The slightly bizarre answer was to remove the battery. Might be a useful bit of info to squirrel away in your mind in case it happens to you!

One thing I was going to blog about was my rekindled love of New Order. I really got into them way back in the 80s. No one else as school was into that kind of music (I was also a massive Pet Shop Boys fan and it was due to them that my life ended up going the way it has) the other girls were mainly into whichever boy-band was big at the time, Bros, New Kids on the Block, remember them? I hated boy bands although I did go in for the grolsch bottle tops on my shoes look.

I grew up in a smallish town just outside of Manchester so was there for the “Madchester” thing. I wasn’t really into all that kind of music though, I much preferred electronic dance music. I recall buying New Order 12” singles from the second hand record stall in Afflecks Palace. Of course I went to the Hacienda as well (all the while hoping to catch a glimpse of Barney and co but I never did). I’d listen to my New Order (and PSB) Cds on the bus to college as well as in my room all the time.

I’ve had a couple of the newer NO Cds in the car for a while now but hadn’t listened to the old ones for years, however I googled Bernard Sumner to see what he’s up to now and discovered loads of New Order videos on You Tube which made me get the old Cds out and listen to them again.

Bernard, by the way, is in a new band called Bad Lieutenant, and in case you’re wondering, no, it’s not a coincidence that one of my fave singers shares a name with my youngest babe.

I started writing this a few days ago, lost half of it (which I couldn’t be bothered to write again so you’ve got the short version) and then didn’t have time to finish it. Since then we’ve had to take the car in to the dealers to be fixed - exhaust and brakes - so we’ve only got one car at the moment (they didn’t have a courtesy car available, they never do when we need one!) Luckily the older three all get buses to and from school, but typically the one day that they really needed to be on the bus the blooming thing broke down and they needed picking up.

Today while I was at work I saw something so stupid I couldn’t really believe what I was seeing. Our store is in a Tesco and we’re next to the checkouts. At one of them was a man holding a little boy of about 2 years, and to entertain him (I’m assuming) he had put a carrier bag onto his (own) head, right over his face. What kind of idiot does something like that???? Does he not realise that children copy what they see??

No news otherwise. It’s Sophie’s birthday on Monday and I’m working. I just hope I don’t miss her blowing out her candles. I think we’ll let her open her presents before she goes to school so I don’t miss that.

That will do for now I think. Hope your week is going well and that you have a good weekend.

2009-11-07T22:46:00.001Z

I’ve suffered from depression for a looooong time. I can’t pinpoint exactly when it started but I am sure I was a child, maybe even as young as 7 (or possibly even younger). Was it inherited? Or was it my childhood? Or a bit of both? I guess I will never know, but whatever it is that caused it it’s blighted my life since. Having babies hasn’t helped it and I have had PND to varying degrees after most of my children.

After Ellie I was in a real mess and was suicidal, then after losing a baby in 2003 I was severely depressed right through until the end of 2006. I will never forget kissing my 18 week old baby goodbye as I decided I was going to sit at the end of my road until a lorry came thundering past and I was going to pull out in front of it. Of course, I didn’t, I was stopped before I could but I really was going to do it.

Looking back I am obviously very glad I didn’t. I never want to get to that point again, and I hope I never will.

The point of this isn’t to depress you, it’s to give you hope if you’re suffering at the moment. I’m not going to say “I know how you feel”. I don’t. Just as no one else knows how I felt. I believe that everyone’s depression is different, no one else can know what it’s like for someone else, other than it’s hell. I know a lot of people are anti anti-depressants but you know, if they make you feel better and get you through the lowest times what’s the problem?

When the HV was here to do the children’s checks the other day she asked me to fill in one of those PND forms. She’s kept a close eye on me since she’s known me because of my depression and has been really supportive. She was amazed and really pleased that for the first time I got the lowest score possible (in the past I’ve had the highest score possible). Life is good at the moment. It’s not perfect. Far from it. There’s upheaval ahead but you know, things could be worse.

There is light at the end of that tunnel if you’re able to accept the help out there. Reach out and take it. If not for yourself, do it for your children.

A turning point for me was standing in the shower one day getting upset about a friend who almost died during a routine operation. I cried for her little girl who was almost left without her mummy. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks - that was exactly what I was planning to do to my own children. Wow, what a slap in the face that was!! I know that when you are at the lowest point you cannot see that anyone would b bothered if you died, but you would be very surprised just how many people would be upset outside your own family, and think what it would do to your children and other half (if you have them).

2009-11-07T00:33:00.001Z

Do you ever get the need for an overhaul of life? An urge to get rid of all the clutter not only within the home but also in your life - the commitments you’ve made that actually you don’t want to be tied to anymore because your family is more important or because you’re not so interested anymore, the people in your life (or on your Facebook page, lol) that you don’t get so much pleasure out of being with, that you go away from meeting feeling negative, all that kind of stuff?

I’m having one of those phases at the moment. A couple of years ago I weeded out the people in my life that I don’t want to spend time with anymore. I only spend time with people I like, that leave me feeling positive, that I enjoy the company of. I have periodic culls of my Facebook friends list (could do with another one, there are still people on there that I have no idea where I know them from). I recently deleted a load of blogs from my feed list that I don’t want to read anymore (I’m sure I have been deleted from other people’s lists of feeds too, and you know, that’s fine. Seriously, life is too short to read a blog you’re no longer interested in).

I no longer take on commitments such as joining committees etc - I’ve done it too often in the past, and ended up with too much on my plate. I quite like not having to go to meetings anymore. I’m seriously hoping my children don’t announce to their teachers “my mum can sew” when it comes to school play costume making time in a few weeks……

I’m feeling the need for a big overhaul of my diet at the moment too. I know it’s not healthy at the moment. I’m doing Weightwatchers and I love the fact you can eat what you like. But, I am tending to eat really unhealthily. Some days I haven’t managed to have enough points so I end up having biscuits or cake or whatever to make it up. I keep a food diary and looking through it there is so little fruit and veg it’s awful (and embarrassing when my trainer at the gym looks at it!!) I also think wheat and sugar are causing me problems as my stomach just doesn’t seem to be shrinking and I can feel myself bloating when I eat them, but it’s hard to find other things to eat instead. I need to spend some time sitting down and making some meal plans or just coming up with some new ideas. Working in a coffee shop doesn’t help much though as it’s so easy to grab a muffin or a sandwich on my break (we do have things like houmous with veg sticks that I could have instead of course but cakes are so much nicer aren’t they???) And having access to as many toffee nut lattes as I can drink in 6 hours isn’t helping much at the moment either, lol (it’s not helping with my sleep either as I discovered last night when I was still awake at gone three am!!!)

I’ve been drawn to the raw food diet for years now - I give it a go for a few weeks then drift away from it for a few months before going back to it again. I’m finding myself wanting to go back there at the moment, or some sort of version of it anyway. I love juices as well, but not so much the hassle of cleaning the juicer afterwards (which admittedly isn’t that much hassle really). I think I’m going to give it another go soon, cut out the sugar etc (anyone know if maple syrup is ok to have instead?) Coffee is a hard one to cut out mind you. When we empty the drip machines at work (they’re emptied and fresh coffee is brewed every hour) I always grab a cup and “catch some of that instead of wasting it” and I get laughed at “oh, you and your coffee!!” How will I go without my coffee fix???

I really need to do something about my diet. I’ve lost almost a stone with WW (we went to Frankie and Benny’s today though so I’ve probably put some of that back on!!) and I’m going to the gym but I’m just not seeing the results I want as quickly as I want. I know it took me months to put the weight on so it’s going to take months to get rid of it and I know it’s not healthy to lose it all very quickly, so I’m not looking to drop the remaining weight overnight, but I want slightly faster results than I’m getting and I want to be doing it healthily and not topping myself up with cakes, biscuits and nachos.

I suspect if I could get the problem foods out of my diet my stomach would look less huge than it does, it’s just working out what they are and finding alternatives where necessary. One thing I did cut out of my diet a couple of months ago was Pepsi Max. We were drinking at least a 2 litre bottle a night between us and I haven’t missed it - Craig’s got a glass at the moment and I’ve had some of it and now have a weird burning sensation in my stomach. If it has no calories and no fat what the hell is in it???? (Rhetorical question by the way, I don’t need to know).

Ok, I’m rambling now. Any book recommendations, hints, tips etc for overhauling my diet and eating really well would be most appreciated. Thank you J

I want to have another big declutter and get rid of even more stuff. I’m sure I will do before Christmas.

In other news - hmm, well, not a lot to report. Sophie and Jack are going to be in their Christmas play. I have no idea what it is, but Sophie is a teacher and Jack is going to be a teddy bear (aww, so cute). Robbie and Ellie finally got their school bus passes and got the bus home for the first time last night. Theirs arrived at the stop at the same time as Bethany’s (they come from opposite directions) so they all walked home together. It’s going to make life a bit easier if we don’t have to pick them up as we have to sit and wait for 20 minutes for them. We’ll still drop them off as it’s on the way to the primary school.

Because we went to Spalding this afternoon we ended up getting to school really late for the pick up, and we were in my car so not enough room for everyone. Craig dropped me at the school and went home to swap cars while I walked with the children down to the shop for their Friday treat. It was so lovely being able to walk with them. Yes, it’s a blooming busy road but when there was a lull in the traffic you could hear the sheep baa-ing in one of the fields, and we got to stop and say hello to a mother horse and her foal that we drive past every day. I am now wishing we lived close enough to school to be able to walk every day.

Today was Takeover Day. Robbie applied to be a teacher at his school and for one day only he was an English teacher. He seemed to enjoy it, but found it a bit nerve-wracking. What a great opportunity for all the children who were able to take part all over the country.

May I have a small boast? Hey, its my blog I’ll boast if I want to, lol We got the termly reports from Robbie and Ellie’s school today - Ellie is way above where she should be in art - she’s meeting the targets of a year 9 pupil, not bad for her first term in year 7 (for those of us too old to understand all this year 9 nonsense, year 7 is what we know as first year, year 9 is third year). Robbie hasn’t inherited the IT skills gene mind you much to Craig’s shame, lol

Amos had his 8 month check on Wednesday - he’s 18lb now, still only on the 25th centile for weight, but above the 50th for length. Hopefully he’s going to be lucky and always be tall and skinny. Alfie, on the other hand is the opposite - on the 25th centile for height and up on the 91st for weight. Poor kid. He’s way ahead of where he should be developmentally - he can already write his name and “Jack” and “mum”, writes numbers, knows most letters, all the colours etc. The HV was very impressed with him. We don’t sit him down and teach him stuff, he’s done it all by himself, probably helped by watching the others writing and drawing. He does sometimes get the letters the wrong way round “Alife” instead of “Alfie” and I don’t know whether to correct him and risk putting him off if he’s enjoying doing it (which he obviously is if he’s choosing to write) or whether to leave it and let him correct himself when he’s a bit older.

Can’t think of anything else at the moment. Craft wise I’ve done nothing more than a few rows of my sock. I did buy a pot of embossing powder today after a child that I suspect may just be Alfie tipped 4 pots of it out on the dining room carpet the other night. I was not impressed! I also bought a pack of brads that I couldn’t resist. I did manage to resist buying the most gorgeous scrap booking papers and embellish on The Snowman theme (the Raymond Briggs Snowman). They are just so lovely and I soooo want them but I just don’t know when or if I would actually use them. I really want to do some scrap booking….. Maybe on Sunday when the dining room is tidy enough for me to get my bits out.

I really hope my crafting mojo is coming back!!

2009-11-04T21:59:00.002Z

I'm a rubbish mummy sometimes. Yesterday was Jack's 5th birthday (or if you asked him how old he was going to be "one hundred and zero") and I managed to not see him all day. I hadn't managed to get to sleep until the early hours so Craig got up with the children and took them to school leaving me to get a bit of sleep, then I went to work and was asked to stay later to help get all the Christmas stuff out and set up. I didn't realise how long it would take us so by the time I got home he was in bed.

I missed him opening his presents, his "party" (with as many children as I have you don't need to invite anyone else round, lol) and him blowing out his candles. Apparently he loved all his birthday presents and was delighted with everything.

I won't be making that mistake again.

November already??!!

2009-11-02T22:33:00.004Z

Last week was half term. It flew by, not helped by me working on several days of it. We did virtually nothing. I had planned to make Christmas cards with the children but didn’t get round to it. Again. This is the third year I haven’t got round to it. Maybe we will one weekend.

My dad came to stay for a couple of days. It was hard work and to be honest I don’t want to say too much about it. The only word to describe it I think is: hmmmm.

Do you get the feeling I am not my usual self? I’m not. I’m not depressed, I’m just a bit blah about things. Had some bad news last week which I will share at some point soon, but not just yet.

I did carve the pumpkin for Halloween. Could he be any friendlier?

A wouldn’t go near him and kept telling me he was scary. I think he’s sweet and his candles have been lit every night since and will be until he starts to go a bit soft. I made soup from the insides - it was a bit (very!) bland so I added curry powder to it. J decided he wanted to plant the seeds so off he went with a bowlful of them - I wonder if any will actually grow?

I’ve been going to the gym lots - the weight is coming off slowly. Too slowly for my impatient self, but I keep reminding myself it didn’t go on overnight so it won’t come off overnight. I managed to fall over in the gym today - very embarrassing. There is a definite difference though - the belt on my jeans used to fasten on the second hole, now I can fasten it on the fifth (and without cutting off my air supply!)

Couldn't resist posting this photo of the baby taken by J.

I had some other stuff I wanted to write but of course I can’t remember it now.

Have you ever thought that you had things sorted out, that you were on your way to achieve a plan and then the rug gets pulled from under your feet and you have to rethink things? That’s where I am right now.

Tomorrow is J’s birthday - he is adamant he is going to be “a hundred and zero”. I had to write it on the calendar instead of “5”. I love his sense of humour. S is going to be 7 in two weeks. I’m not going to say the obvious about time. She is going to be a very happy little girl when she opens one of her presents although I’m not so sure we’ll be quite as pleased about it, lol

Anyway, I am going to take my miserable self off to bed and get some sleep. Hope you had a good weekend and have a good week or so until I write again.

Take care.

2009-10-19T22:25:00.002+01:00

I had to share my Christmas cooking with you. The mincemeat is in jars, the puddings are steamed and stored away and the cake is currently cooling down. It smells gorgeous and I am regretting making a round cake - if it was a square one we could have cut off a bit to eat now and no one would ever know!!

Delia recommends feeding the cake weekly with brandy - I’m not sure I have enough left to do that and we’re not going to buy any more. Plus, I need to remember to keep a bit for setting fire to the pudding.

I feel really pleased with myself for getting it done this year. I can’t remember the last year that we did this, it was definitely before we moved here. I don’t remember doing it when we lived in Wiltshire, and it was possibly before we moved to Amsterdam in which case it would have been Christmas ‘96. So it was a tradition for 5 years and then for one reason or another it just didn’t happen (new babies, depression, whatever). I really want to get back into the tradition of making them from now on. I’ve enjoyed it, it wasn’t as much hassle as I recalled, and well, it makes me feel like a better housewife in a small way.

Mind you, I may not be saying that after the 10th batch of mince pies - I vaguely recall making about 144 mince pies last time. Not all eaten by me - they’re handy to take to friends houses when going round for coffee, Craig used to take them into work with him and there’s always something going on where they appreciate some home baked goodies. I just hope my friends like mince pies!!

Did I mention the Mermaid socks I’m making? The second one went slightly wrong, not sure what happened, but it got thrown into a corner in disgrace. I just couldn’t face picking it back up again and fixing it, but tonight I did. I’ve ended up undoing almost all of it - I decided it was easier to do that than get frustrated at trying to fix it. So, off I go with it again. It’s fairly quick to do so it won’t take too long to get back to where I was and then hopefully it will behave itself when I turn the heel.

I’ve got lots of knitting projects I want to get going with but I like to only have one WIP at a time. I’ve got two at the moment so really shouldn’t start anything else. But maybe just one more….

I’m hoping I’ve got my exercise mojo back. Last week I really could not be bothered and the diet went out of the window - it doesn’t help working with lots of gorgeous cakes and Panini’s either. But this week I’m back on track, totally motivated and while I probably will have the odd cake at work I will be figuring it into my daily allowance. I’ve upped my step target to 9,000 a day which does usually mean jogging on the spot through the nightly CSI advert breaks but it’s good for me. Isn’t it?

I think we may have the start of something going round the children at the moment. Poor Ellie has a high temp and Alfie seems to be developing one. Hopefully it will pass through quickly!

2009-10-17T20:41:00.001+01:00

We finally bought the ingredients for the Christmas baking yesterday. I’m hoping to get it started tonight - the fruit for the cake needs soaking overnight, the mix for the pudding needs to sit overnight and the mincemeat is best left to sit overnight too.

The wine is coming on ok. We strained it yesterday to get rid of the sediment and they smell lovely, although the apple and elderberry has a very slight vinegar smell so that may end up being given away as a nice gift of homemade vinegar, lol I have discovered that muslins are excellent for straining - at last, a use for them!!

Is anyone else finding it getting really cold? We had the heating on for an hour last night just to take the chill off. Brrrr! Actually, now I’ve written that I’m thinking of putting it on again just to warm me up slightly.

I bought Jack and Alfie those fleecy suits you put on them over their Pjs. They love them and the other children have decided they want them too. I think I will do some stash busting and make them for them with the metres of fleece under the stairs. I might even make myself one too, lol Has anyone seen a pattern for them anywhere?

Talking of Alfie - I put in his school admission application in the other night. It seems way too early, he’s only 3 and not really ready yet. I know a year is a long time in the life of a child, so maybe by next year he will be more ready for it.

Robbie recently applied to become a teacher at his school’s “Take Over Day” where the pupils and staff swap places for the day. He got accepted and is going to be an English teacher which he is really looking forward to. I am really proud of him. He wrote the application himself and I was surprised at just how good it was (if I was recruiting staff and I got his letter then I would definitely give him an interview). I’m not just saying that because I’m his mum, I genuinely was impressed.

I started writing this about two hours ago, and it’s now half eight so I’m guessing the Christmas stuff will just have to wait until tomorrow because I’m about to eat my dinner.

Hope you have a good rest of the weekend whatever you’re doing, and if not, then {{{{hugs}}}} if you need them.

2009-10-14T20:54:00.001+01:00

Is it just us or do other people try and keep their central heating off for as long as possible?? I have to admit that if Craig didn’t work from home I would probably switch it on much earlier than we end up doing. I think last year we were aiming for the 1st November but had turned it on by now. I can’t see us lasting another two weeks but we’ll see (mind you, I am sat here writing this in short sleeves so maybe we won’t give in).

Work is going well. I am now able to use the tills which is great as I now feel more useful. I’m really enjoying it and starting to get to know some of the regulars

Not a huge amount is happening at home beyond the usual. The baby is fairly mobile now, he can roll and turn himself round when he’s on his tummy. We have a multi plug thingy under the TV and I said the other day it will have to move as he’ll be straight in there when he can work out how to get there - today was the day. It’s surprising just what we have at his level that isn’t safe for him. None of the others were this mobile this early apart from the eldest so we didn’t really need to worry. Once they could get about they were old enough to know that the TV and DVD player were out of bounds.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who isn’t very good at getting the Christmas baking done early. Some years I’ve been so lax that it hasn’t been done at all. I made the shopping list for the mincemeat, cake and pudding about a month ago but we still haven’t got round to getting it. I have to admit I don’t even know where the list is now…

After talking about people from the past in my last post I found an old friend via her son on Facebook. I’m so pleased to be back in touch with her. It’s been about 12 years since I saw her and her son was only about 5 or 6 so I did wonder if she would remember me but she does and was really pleased to hear from me. I remember loads of people from our days in Braintree but think that most of them probably don’t remember me. Maybe I’m wrong.

Someone else from my past very kindly sent me a photo she took about 20 years ago. Now that was really embarrassing. I’m not sharing it here (it’s that bad, lol). How on earth could I walk around looking like that????? Wouldn’t it be great to be able to have the benefit of hindsight when you get dressed in the morning?? To be able to flash-forward 20 years to the future to see if you think you look as good then as you think you do now if you see what I mean?

I think we’re going to get rid of the chickens. Not by way of cooking them, but maybe sell the chicken house and include the birds with it. I couldn’t eat them. Not because they are pets but just because having seen them wandering around the garden etc I just couldn’t bring myself to eat them. I know that the chicken you get from the supermarket is exactly the same thing but you can pretend it isn’t when it comes frozen in a bag can’t you? I really should be a vegetarian. When I actually think about what meat is I don’t want to eat it anymore but then I forget. I was vegetarian for a few years (I go through phases of it on and off) but then during one of my pregnancies I really wanted a steak sandwich….

I’ve almost finished Amos’s blanket. I decided to do some crochet round it - one row of treble crochet looked really nice but as I have so much wool left I thought I’d keep going but now it looks a bit frilly and girly (not helped by the amount of pink in it). I can’t decide whether to keep going or to pull it back to just one row of treble. If I do that what will I do with the leftover wool? There’s not enough to do anything with and I don’t like have odd balls in my stash.

We also had a result today - I made Jack a lovely jumper last year (I think the photos are here on the blog somewhere) but he refused to wear it. Alfie refused to wear it too. But today he did wear it - he loves stripes - and when I told him I had made it specially for him he said “oh, I do love you mummy”. How sweet!

Anyway, that’s it for now. Hope your week is good so far.

2009-10-11T23:37:00.001+01:00

I know I’ve been slack at keeping this up but things are just so busy right now. I’m still surprised by just how much working a few hours a week knocks the rest of the week out of kilter for me. Will it get better?

Despite being busy there isn’t a lot to report. Life is moving on at a fast pace, we’re already nearly at half term.

The internet is an amazing thing isn’t it? I’m part of several groups of women (that makes us all sound old, which I guess we are to our children but I bet we all still feel really young) who would never have known each other without the internet. Some of us have never met, and maybe never will, some of us have met only once or twice yet we call each other friends, we’re there to support each other, will do anything we can to help each other, feel each others pain and joy and share it with each other.

Sometimes I’m amazed at just what you can find out fairly quickly if you know where to look. Information about people from the past who you may never see again, old friends that you’ve moved away from. “I wonder what so and so is up to nowadays”. Where people live, how much they bought and sold their houses for, where they work, what looks like evidence they are involved in yet another con, what they look like now, what they’ve been doing. It’s all out there. Despite moving house at lot over the past 16 years and changing our names we’ve never made any effort to hide ourselves on the internet. Anyone from our past could very easily find out where we are now, who we are now, what we’re up to now. Who knows, they may even be reading this right now - why not leave a comment to say hello?? I don’t for a minute think that we’re immune from being searched for and having the details of our life pored over. If we wanted to disappear we could, if we could be bothered. I’m not stupid, seriously, I may not be a high flyer, I may not have a high powered job, I may have spent the last 16 and a bit years “just” being a wife and mother, but I’m not nearly as thick as some may believe me to be.

What am I getting at here? I don’t put anything on here that I don’t want everyone to know. Nothing you read is worthy of getting excited about discovering if you’re just looking for info on me and the family. But, y’know, if you have looked me up because you remember me, please do leave a comment with some way of contacting you as I’m always happy to hear from people I used to know. I've set comments to moderated status so if you want to leave your email address but don't want the world to be able to see it, don't worry, I won't publish it to the blog.

Ok, I’ve rambled enough. I sound like I’ve been drinking don’t I?? lol I havent. Sometimes if you just let your fingers do the talking you get some rubbish out of them. Normal service will resume very soon. I promise.

2009-10-03T19:52:00.001+01:00

I’ve now done three days at work. Today, instead of working through my training manual at work I got stuck in to doing practical stuff such as actually making drinks, clearing the tables etc and not waiting to be told what to do. Hopefully I did a good job. I really enjoyed myself, the six hours flew by and I feel like I learnt loads. Dare I say I think I have the knack of frothing the milk perfectly??

I’ve hardly been to the gym this week. I’ve been so tired and just not in the mood. I suspect the motivation may be waning slightly so I am going to be really strict with myself next week and make sure I go every day. I’ve got back into the bad habit of going to bed at midnight too so that needs to be addressed again.

I have nothing else to report really. Yesterday it was the harvest festival at school and they also did an auction of all the food donated. One of the local veg growers donated loads and loads of veggies and we bought a big bag of potatoes, a big pumpkin and a box of broccoli and caulis for about £10. Bargain!!

The wine is still bubbling away nicely. The pear and apple both need straining again to get rid of the sediment. The elderberry is coming close to being ready to bottle which is quite exciting.

Craft wise I have done almost nothing. I’m knitting a cot blanket for Amos from lovely soft merino yarn which is about half finished. Sadly there isn’t enough wool to make one big enough for my bed, lol My socks are hiding in the corner after I threw them in a temper when they went horribly wrong and I haven’t been able to fix them. More undoing is in order but I cannot face it at the moment.

I am loving Autumn at the moment too. The trees are changing colour now, the days are getting shorter and there is that lovely chill in the air. The Uggs are back in service (did I ever say how much I love my Ugg boots????) and I don’t feel so daft wearing my scarves now either. We have a large bag of conkers and pine cones waiting to be put into their baskets and played with for the next year until we can replace all the ones that will go missing or get squashed.

2009-09-30T21:11:00.001+01:00

I started work yesterday. At the moment I’m training - there’s a lot to learn and it’s a bit scary. I’ve had two days there and still haven’t started learning about the main part of the job. But, I am enjoying it. The other staff are great, easy to chat to, friendly. I think I’m going to like it there.

I have 4 more training sessions over the next 10 days and after that I’m not sure.

Last night I couldn’t sleep with all the info going round in my head and a bit too much coffee(!!) I got 2 hours sleep down to that and being up and down to the boys most of the night (including making choc spread sandwiches at 3am).

I haven’t been to the gym for two days and I am missing it. I will definitely be back in tomorrow morning!

2009-09-26T20:17:00.000+01:00

Not a lot to report at the moment. I wish I had the sort of life that gave me things to write more often but I don’t. I’m still going to the gym lots. I signed up for something called “Bodyfirst” where you get three sessions with a personal trainer for £35 along with three books to help you get in shape and fit. If you attend your three sessions and go to the gym a further 8 times within a month of registering for it you get your money back. I had my last PT session yesterday and really enjoyed it so I’ve decided to sign up for a block booking of 10 sessions with him. I’m determined I’m going to reach my first target!! At the moment I’m really motivated but I know there will be days when I can’t be bothered and this will keep me going. Yesterday I was so tired that I ended up going to bed for a sleep for an hour before I went to the gym. If I hadn’t had that appointment I wouldn’t have gone. He pushes me further than I would push myself which I hate at the time but afterwards I am glad about it.

The two youngest boys both have coughs and colds at the moment. The rest of the children are all well though. They all seem to have settled back into school really well although Jack is scared of the toilets for some reason and won’t use them, choosing to wet himself instead. We’re not sure what it is about them, he says he doesn’t like the noise because it hurts his ears. I’m wondering if they have an automatic flush in the boys toilets and it’s scared him. I’ll have to ask on Monday and if it is see if he could use the girls instead.

We now have pear wine on the go along with the elderberry (did I already say that?). It smells very strong already. I had a taste of it the other day when we siphoned it into a new demijohn to get rid of some of the sediment at the bottom and it tastes pretty strong as well. We have a box of apples soaking in sugar and water at the moment too. I think we’ll be putting that into a demijohn tomorrow.

Hope you’re having a good weekend, whatever you’re up to.

Ps. I've decided to give up on trying to think up titles to my posts.

2009-09-16T20:35:00.001+01:00

For a long time I have wanted to get myself back into shape and fit again. About 8 years ago I joined a gym back in Trowbridge and really got into it. By the time I stopped going (when I was pregnant with Sophie) I was in there 4 or 5 days a week and doing a class or two and then a session in the gym each time. I loved it. I loved being slim and fit and I enjoyed the social aspect of it as I made several friends there - often after we’d finished at the gym we’d go downstairs to the Wetherspoon’s for a coffee or two.

I’ve always wanted to get back into going to a gym again and desperately want to get rid of the weight I put on while pregnant with Amos (and if I’m honest, since then too). Two years ago I was in size 8 jeans, now, well, let’s just say, they’re rather larger.

So, I’ve joined the gym. I joined a few years ago but was very depressed at the time and only went for about 3 weeks which turned out to be a very expensive 3 weeks as I had signed up for a 12 month contract. I’ve been a bit wary about it since just in case I did the same thing but I have bitten the bullet and signed up yesterday. I’m so determined I am going to stick with it this time that I had my first session last night with a personal trainer and am seeing him again tomorrow for session two and he’ll give me my programme.

My initial goal is to lose 2 stone by Christmas which is do-able as it’s 14 weeks away. Long term is to lose however much weight I need to to get back into those size 8’s. And, I have committed myself to another longer term goal - to enter race for life next year, not to walk it, but to run it. All the way. This is a big one for me, I have no stamina, even at my fittest 8 years ago I couldn’t have run 5k (I think it’s 5k anyway), so from January I will be working on that one. I don’t know when the Race for Life is on here next year, they haven’t put next year on the website yet (or not that I could see anyway) so I don’t know how long I will have to get ready for it.

To lose weight successfully I think you need that switch in your head to go on otherwise the motivation only lasts a short while and you get fed up with it. I am certain that it’s switched on for me now, I hate the way I look, I looked awful last night in my gym gear, and was quite embarrassed about it, but it’s motivation for me now rather than making me want to hide away. I am soooo determined to do it. Sooo determined to get back into that frame of mind where I loved being at the gym beyond this initial novelty of it.

I did take a photo last night of myself which I am not going to share with you right now. I’m going to take a photo every month between now and those size 8 jeans and when I reach my target I’ll put them on here.

A bit motivator for me is an online friend, Hannah. She has lost an amazing 7 stone since January and has got the gym buzz going on. She looks absolutely fantastic and is a real inspiration for me. I want some of what she has but it’s not going to turn up on my doorstep. I’ve got to get out there and work for it. So, off I go. I can’t wait!!!

Today is my birthday. I’m 36. 36!!! I don’t feel that old, I still feel like I’m in my early 20s. I’m always being told that I look a lot younger than I am, and too young to have 8 children which is lovely.

I think that’s about all that’s happening here. Life has gone back to the usual term time routine which is nice. I’ve finally been catching up with friends that I didn’t see over the summer which is also nice. While I love being at home with the children I do like the weekly routine we have as well. Toddler groups etc.

Since the children have been back at school I’ve got myself into the habit of going to bed earlier (most nights I manage to get to bed early - I was going to bed anytime after midnight so anything before 11 is early but my goal is 10pm. I try and go to bed for 9.30 and read for half an hour then sleep. I’ve managed to be up at 7.30am by doing this. Now, you’re probably reading this thinking “well, I get up earlier than that, what’s the big deal??” but I have always had a problem getting up in the mornings, and never manage to be up in time to actually be ready to go out on the school run. If I got up then it would be in time to do the girls hair before they went out.

I had been soo tired for a long time, and had no energy to do anything, often needing to go to bed in the afternoon which was worrying me especially as it turned out there was nothing wrong with my thyroid. However, this change in bedtimes and getting up and out early has made a massive difference. I’ve got my energy back and I feel so much better. I think the less you do and sometimes the more sleep you get the more lethargic you feel. I slept in one day at the weekend and was so tired for the rest of the day that I didn’t have enough energy to do anything. You can get too much sleep!!

So, it’s been another change for me and one I like. Hopefully I can keep it up. Sometimes it’s hard to get to bed on time, but I have to be strict with myself and remind myself of the benefits.

Right, I’ve waffled on enough for now. Hope you’re having a good week and aren’t too cold (I was very tempted to put the heating on tonight but we’re going to try and hold off until next month).

2009-09-12T21:04:00.001+01:00

Arrggghhhh!!!!! Everytime I add photos I either end up with the text down the side of the photo or else massive gaps between the two. Does anyone have any tips for getting the photos in the text with nice spaces between????

2009-09-12T20:51:00.006+01:00

Every year we say we’re going to grow veg and every year we just don’t get round to it. This is partly because we’re too lazy to do the work and partly because this is what will happen….

Sadly, the culprit had run off before I could get a photo of her in the pot digging through it but here is one of the destructive foursome…..

They refuse to stay in their pen, they just fly over the fence and wander round the garden so they would just decimate a veg patch. Maybe when they’ve gone off to the big hen house in the sky we’ll do the veg patch thing.

One thing we have been doing this week is this:

Elderberry wine. Most of the berries were collected from the local country park but we didn’t have quite enough so the rest came from our own tree. It’s our first attempt at wine so we have no idea how it will turn out.

We’re hoping to bring in some of the pears this week, they seem to be virtually ready now. There’s still a lot of apples on the tree but all too high to reach. I think we’re going to have to get a ladder for them. The plums are pretty much finished now.

It’s been lovely getting our own fruit in. It’s the first year we have but won’t be the last. Sadly the cooking apples at the front of the house are a bit horrible looking, they seem to have been pecked by the birds and are full of holes and just generally dodgy looking so we won’t be picking those.

We’re thinking of getting some blackberry brambles to create a hedge at the back of the garden but are wondering if it’s such a good idea - would they grow too rapidly? Can you even buy them??

The children have now been back at school for over a week. In some ways it’s nice to be back into toddler groups etc and seeing friends again, but I was a bit sad that the holidays are over.

I’m pretty sure I said the same thing last year but I love September. Not just for the obvious reason (my birthday) but also because the days are becoming autumnal. I have noticed this year that the September smell hasn’t started yet - am I the only person who has noticed that smell in the air in September?? I can’t describe it, but I always notice it (and no, it’s not a man-made thing, it’s a natural aroma!!) a bit like that smell you get after it’s rained.

I love those slightly chilly mornings, that crispness, the leaves starting to turn, and the promise of days cold enough to light the fire (mind you, we’ve had a few of those over the summer). Autumn is definitely my favourite month of the year.

2009-09-09T21:15:00.001+01:00

For the past 6 or so years I have subscribed to an amazing magazine called The Mother They really need new subscribers in order to keep on publishing, please consider it.

2009-09-08T17:16:00.001+01:00

Yesterday I had another induction day at the college. We met out tutor (the really lovely lady I met when I went in last week for the open day), met the other students in our tutor groups, had a tour, got lots more info and got our timetables.

Today we all had to go in for a maths and English test to see if we need any help with either. Except I went to see the course co-ordinator instead and told her I’m pulling out (surprise surprise!!!) Since Friday I have been constantly thinking about the course and whether I should do it or not. When I was there yesterday that voice in my head was going “I don’t want to be here”. So, I’m not going this year.

Alfie starts school next year so this is the last year I will have with him at home, and I feel so bad that we’re going to miss out on that. He’s such a lovely little boy to be with and I enjoy taking him out to places. Amos is still only 7 months and at a really lovely stage, rolling, getting his first teeth (two days ago!!!), just being lovely.

I will never ever get this time with my babies back, I can go to college any time I like in the future. So, I’m going to do the course when Amos starts school. Yes, it’s 4 years away but it’s only a short time in the grand scheme of things. I would rather regret not doing the course than regret missing these next few years.

2009-09-06T09:25:00.000+01:00

On Friday I had my enrollment day at college. I was really nervous about going, but reminded myself that everyone else there would be feeling exactly the same. The morning was spent listening to different people talking about their roles in the college and how they could help us if we needed it, then we filled in the enrollments forms.

Before lunch we had to choose two taster sessions of lessons we might want to choose - I went to Sociology and English Lit, both options I’m going for as well as History. Because I have grades C and above in Maths and English I don’t have to do those modules as part of the Access course.

I’m one of very few of the 200 or so people who were there who has to pay for the course because I did a BTEC First Diploma nearly 20 years ago. If I hadn’t declared it and kept quiet about it I’d have got the course free, sometimes honesty doesn’t pay (unfortunately I’m one of those people who is too honest and can’t lie about anything). They did tell me I could pay in instalments which was fine, until they said that the first instalment is due next week and the second one on the 2nd October. Eeek! I thought they meant instalments over the course of the next 10 months.

The afternoon was spent queuing up to enrol. A voice in my head kept telling me it wasn’t too late, I could turn round and walk out but I did sign up and I’m now officially a student.

Do you get the feeling I’m not quite as excited by it as I should be?? Part of me is saying don’t do it this year, wait until Alfie is at school and Amos is that little bit older. Alfie starts next September. This new school year is the last one I will have with him at home. By next year Amos will be 18 months old.

But, it’s only 15 hours a week for the next 9 months. It’s not huge amount of time. I don’t get the timetable until tomorrow so I don’t know what days and times I will be expected to be in. And I’ll be doing the homework after they’ve gone to bed at night. Oh hell, what do I do??

I’ve always been at home for my other children, I’ve always thought it’s important, so I feel guilty that I won’t be there for the youngest two.

I suspect you’ll be reading a post from me in a few days saying that I pulled out of the course and I’ll be doing it next September instead. Or maybe never. If I do carry on this year I won’t be starting my degree next year, I’m going to defer that for a year or two.

No other news really. We (ok, Craig and Robbie) picked loads of the apples and plums yesterday. The pears still aren’t quite ready but I think they will be in a week or so. Hopefully we’ll get out to go blackberry picking today - if there’ any left, we’ve left it a bit late this year. We need to pick some of the bramleys at the front as well.

2009-09-03T21:09:00.001+01:00

After a couple of days frantically doing those last minute end of holiday jobs the children are back at school. We got shoes in three stages - B and R got theirs from the Next Catalogue which was nice and easy, M, S and E got theirs from one trip to town and J and A got theirs sorted on another trip - J didn’t need new shoes, the ones he got at Easter are still fine so that was good.

E and R went back yesterday much to their disgust (I think I have managed to convince them that they will get another day off later in the year when the rest of their siblings will be at school). E seemed to enjoy it, she came out smiling anyway and couldn’t wait to tell us all about it. As a treat we gave her money to buy her lunch from the canteen - she’d been desperate to do this and we thought it would take her mind off any worries she had. What lovely healthy lunch did she buy?? Two cakes, garlic bread and a drink. Ah well, it’s a one off.

The rest went back today but we had such a busy day that we didn’t really notice the peace and quiet. After I dropped them off I went on to the Drs to get my blood test results. My thyroid is absolutely fine and I’m not anaemic. In fact I’m the opposite, I have too much blood, too much iron and too many red blood cells or something along those lines. I have to go back in a month or so to get it rechecked to make sure the levels aren’t rising as that could indicate a problem. I wasn’t too worried as the Dr didn’t seem bothered. Until I googled it. It could be a sign of congenital heart disease (I’m quite sure it’s not) or it could simply be that I make too much blood and iron and I will need to have blood taken regularly to counter it (I think I’ll just put up with it). I have stopped taking the kelp and iron supplements I started after I had the blood test done in case it’s making things worse.

C went to the hospital about his back and to cut a long story short he’s got to go in for an op to have the cyst removed, probably in a couple of months time.

After all that I then went to the open day at the local college to see if they had any places left on the access to higher education course - I went in a few weeks ago and they thought it might be full but advised me to go today to find out. Well, to cut another story short, they do have places and I start the three day induction tomorrow!!!

I am really excited but scared at the same time. Is it too soon after having Amos? It’s only 15 hours a week so I wont be away too long and it will be good for me to finally do something else. Having a third child start secondary education makes me realise how old I am getting (mind you, I was asked a couple of times if I was over 25 today and they expressed surprise when I said yes so that was nice).

I’ve always told the children that they can go out and be whatever they want to, there is nothing stopping them from achieving their ambitions, yet I’ve always told myself that I couldn’t possibly do the things I’ve thought “I’d love to do that”. I finally stopped and asked myself why. Why can’t I do whatever it is I want to do? What is stopping me from going to university? Surely all I need to do is what I tell the children - find out what subjects I need, go for it and work hard. So that is what I’m doing.

Teresa - if you’re reading this, please can you email me about the stocking. I have tried emailing you but I don’t know if I still have the right email address for you.

Cybele - yes please to the pear recipe. It sounds gorgeous and our pears are rock hard and not ripening.

2009-08-29T15:49:00.001+01:00

Yesterday we went to visit Craig’s brother and his wife down in Norfolk. Now, if you know me fairly well then you’ll probably know that G and S are the only members of Craig’s immediate family that we speak to. We haven’t had any contact with the rest of them for about 15 years and they haven’t seen 7 of the children (I don’t know if they even know we have had another seven since we had Beth), I don’t know if they are aware we changed our name several years ago or where we are living. It’s a long story which I won’t bore you with and the situation isn’t likely to change as Craig is only interested in speaking to them if they pay him back the £50,000 they owe him.

Anyway, we have stayed in touch with G and S and see them on a fairly irregular basis but we email as well. They moved house a couple of years ago so off we went to see it (and them of course). The children had a great time running round their garden but it’s a very small house so it did get a bit claustrophobic when it was raining.

S has been making wine which we had a small taste of and inspired us to give it a go ourselves. Craig has gone off to find the equipment we’ll need. It also inspired me to give jam and chutney making a go as well which I’ve never tried before but it will be good use of the fruit in our garden.

We’ve got apple, pear and plum trees out there but this is the first year that we’ve actually picked any of it. Usually it all falls and gets left to rot because we’re never sure when it’s ready. We’ve got through loads and loads of the plums though, they’re gorgeous. The children aren’t too keen on the apples, simply because they don’t look as perfect as they do in the shops. There’s nothing wrong with them, the skin is just a bit blemished. The pears are rock hard though so we’re not entirely sure whether to pick them to ripen indoors or just leave them on the tree until they soften up.

We’re going to pick the elderberries as well and use them for wine. I nearly picked the blossom for cordial but didn’t so I would like to use them for something. And there’s a fantastic place for blackberries nearby so we’ll go there and pick some of those too - although we never seem to make it home with enough to do much with as the children usually scoff them all on the way back.

Next year we are definitely going to get the veg patch going. I think we’re going to dig up the grass at the back of the house for it as long as we can find a way to keep the chickens off it. You watch, we’ll dig it, get it planted up and then decide to move house, lol

Also this week, Jack had his first ever ride on a train. He was so excited about it and we got some lovely photos that I will have to get off Craig’s laptop to post here. They went from Boston to Skegness, walked down to the seafront for an ice-cream and a paddle at Fairy Dell then got the train back. He’s already asked if he can do it again one day. He is obsessed with level crossings and was very excited going over all the ones on the journey.

2009-08-27T15:21:00.003+01:00

Two posts in one day - what a treat, lol

Today we joined many families around the country in the trip to collect GCSE results. I'm very pleased to say Beth did really really well. I am so proud of her. She's very relieved as she thought she'd failed them.

So it's off to start her A levels next week.

I have to admit to feeling a bit tearful as I sat in the car waiting for her to come out - it doesnt seem like 16 years ago that she was a teeny tiny baby, and now I look at her and just feel proud. I was 19 when I had her and it's funny to see her with her baby brother, she's like a second mother to him.

A chance to be nosey!

2009-08-27T15:19:00.000+01:00

Over the years we’ve moved house quite a lot. The house we live in now is the one that we’ve lived in for the longest - 6 years. We went through a phase of moving every 9-12 months for a while so this is the 9th house we’ve lived in.

I regularly check on Right Move to see if any of our old places are up for sale - the last house we lived in resold a couple of years ago. But I was on there last night and was quite pleased to see this one. It’s the one we lived in for the shortest time, less than two months, but it’s the one where Ellie was born.

It’s changed a lot since then, the master bedroom didn’t have the patio doors and the bed was against the wall adjacent to the window. The current owners have added the balcony and patio doors. The en-suite bathroom was an awful burgundy colour and the kitchen was dark brown but was huge. Admittedly there is a lot of sadness associated with the house for me. I was very depressed at the time, Craig was working in Amsterdam (I went into labour with Ellie an hour after the last plane left Schipol so he missed her birth) and it was the time that I decided to cut off contact with my mother. It was February so my memories are of dark, damp days, feeling very lonely, and as I didn’t drive I was dependent on public transport.

That’s why we lived there for such a short time, because it was so awful. The fact the landlords would come round and look into the windows didn’t help, and the house was filthy, our feet would be black just from walking on the carpets.

The details mention a raised lawn - actually it was on a steep hill. The field in photo number 16 was actually almost level with the top floor windows!! The house looks so much nicer now, I can’t believe how much it is up for sale for though.

The room they use as a front sitting room was the dining room, their dining room was a games room complete with snooker table (not nearly as grand as it sounds!) and the office was another sitting room but because they were on the bottom floor we never used them and they had a kind of damp, isolated feeling to them.

I also found another couple of houses on there that were interesting to me - one is next door to one of the other houses we lived in (you can just see it on the photos) and the other one is next door to my Aunt’s old house where I spent a lot of my childhood.

Is it just me that keeps an eye out for their previous homes???

2009-08-24T21:24:00.002+01:00

This morning I had an appointment to have some blood taken to see if we can find out what is wrong with me. I think it’s my thyroid, I fit a lot of the symptoms so I’m hoping that’s all it is and with medication I’ll be feeling better soon (and hopefully lose some weight instead of gaining it no matter how hard I try).

The man who does the blood tests at my surgery asked what I was doing afterwards - I am certain he was just chatting to relax me rather than trying it on with me, lol I said we didn’t know where to take the children and he suggested somewhere called Hubbard’s Hills in Louth. As we didn’t have any better ideas that’s where we decided to go.

One thing I often get asked is how we all get around - we take two cars! Our family car is an 8 seater which we’ve obviously now outgrown so we have to take my car as well. It does mean that if we have a lot of stuff to take, especially if we’re going away, we can fold up the rear seats in the Previa and it gives us loads of storage room.

So, off we went in our mini convoy through the Lincolnshire Wolds - a beautiful part of the country, full of little villages and old churches. About 5 minutes down the road we had our first “wee stop”.

Hubbard’s Hills is lovely, a nice easy walk along a brook that you can paddle in. We weren’t expecting this so the children were all wearing long trousers and well, lets just say, they got a bit wet!! There were a lot of wasps as well which wasn’t much fun but otherwise it was a lovely afternoon. Next time we will take swimming costumes and a picnic (and something to kill the wasps!!)

On the way home we stopped off at Pizza Hut in Skegness for dinner which we really enjoyed. The children were beautifully behaved which always makes outings a far more pleasant experience.

This is the last week of the school holidays and once again the time has flown by. We’re almost ready for when they go back. All the uniform is bought and named (it took me two and a half hours to iron all the tapes on) and we just need to get shoes for everyone and three new school bags. I think we’ll do that next week.

We’re not sure what we’re going to do for the rest of the week - Craig’s got a week off so we’re hoping to do something every day. He’s promised to take Jack for a train ride one day, hopefully he’ll get round to it, or we might even take them to one of those vintage railway places (we’ll be bored out of our heads but the boys will probably love it).

Hope your week is a good one!

Judgemental?

2009-08-23T20:11:00.003+01:00

What’s your reaction when you see a mother giving her baby one of these?

Do you sit and give her looks as you think to yourself how awful it is that she obviously can’t be bothered to breastfeed? Do you feel sad for that poor baby being deprived of his mother’s milk? Do you look at her and think to yourself that she looks like the sort who would bottle feed? I bet she didn’t even try when her baby was born did she?

Do you stop to ask yourself why she might be bottle feeding? Does it occur to you that she might even be a peer supporter for the local Sure Start? That she might sit on various breastfeeding promotion panels for the local hospital and health authority? That breastfeeding might actually be really important to her. That she’s breastfed other babies successfully before. But, for some reason breastfeeding just didn’t work out for her and her eighth baby? Just sayin’.

Happy half birthday

2009-08-11T20:18:00.001+01:00

Happy half birthday!!

Yes, he’s 6 months old already. Where did the time go? And now he’s sitting in his high chair eating real food. Yes, that’s chocolate sponge cake he’s eating - if you can’t have cake on your birthday when can you have it??

Now he’s 16lb and 66.5cm long.

Here’s to the next 6 months little man. We all love you so much.

New name, new start

2009-07-31T23:38:00.006+01:00

I started writing another blog entry about 2 weeks ago which obviously didn’t get finished or posted. Now it seems too out of date to post as it was about the end of term and sports day etc. I had some nice photos as well. Oh well.

I’ve decided to change the name of the blog. Now, I’m not sure if changing the name will mean that anyone who try’s to look at my old blog name will still be able to find it. If you’re reading this via the old blog name then you obviously can and phew!! Otherwise I’m talking to myself. As usual!!

So, it’s the school holidays. If your children go to school then I hope you’re enjoying the holidays. If your children are home educated then you’re probably cursing the fact that everywhere you normally go in term time that’s usually quiet is now full of kids.

We haven’t done a great deal. We never do. I suspect if you go back 12 months I was probably saying the same thing this time last year. We used to plan to do various things then be annoyed with ourselves when the holidays finished and we hadn’t done any of them. So now we don’t bother. Our only plan is to go out and buy all the new school uniforms we need. And shoes. That’s a fun day out!!

One day I decided it would be a good idea to make play dough so cooked some up. J loved it. He spent hours and hours playing with it so the next day I decided to make some more in a different colour. He said he wanted multicoloured play dough so I made green, pink and yellow for him to go with the blue from the previous day. I didn’t have any yellow food colouring so used turmeric instead. It was a lovely shade of yellow but smelt horrible so I added some orange essential oil to it. It still smelt horrible but orangey.

Unfortunately I didn’t realise quite what J meant when he said he wanted multi-coloured play dough. Now if you have children and you’ve given them more than one colour play dough at the same time you’ll know exactly where I’m going here. J added the four colours together in one lump which looked really nice for about 5 minutes and then, yep, it turned that horrible shade of brown that play dough goes when mixed together. Why did I bother?? They played with it for quite a few more hours and now it’s back in the cupboard (drying out no doubt!!) And on the carpets, the rug, the throw I crocheted, their clothes….

I’ve also been on a cleaning and tidying frenzy which is a school holiday tradition in this house. However, something in me has changed. I don’t know how, I wasn’t looking for a change, I’d given up wishing that I could be the kind of person to keep the place tidy, to wash up, keep the kitchen clean etc etc but something has clicked in me. I don’t do washing up. I don’t clean up after myself when I’m cooking. I leave it to C to do that. Well, not any more. Other things that I have wanted to change in the past seem to have suddenly happened as well. I know it’s early days and in a few weeks time I could be posting to say how fed up I am that I’ve gone back to my old ways but for now I am enjoying being the new me.

Most of the house is clean and tidy. I still need to do the lounge but it’s one of those jobs that needs the boys out of the way and by the time they’ve gone to bed we can’t be bothered.

We’ve even sorted out the garden which is one of those things we never get round to doing. We’re not gardeners. We’re not really outdoor types. And when you’re trying to keep on top of things in the house (and usually failing!!) plus have lots of children it’s just not a priority. But we spent two afternoons out the back and tidied it up, got rid of some stuff, pressure washed the patio and concrete areas and mowed the grass. The patio slabs are in fact white. Something which surprised J and A so much they thought it had snowed overnight and wanted to go and play in it.

I should have taken before and after photos. I never do thinking that there won’t be enough of a difference but there always is and then I kick myself. We also had a lovely surprise when we dismantled what was supposed to have been a raised bed last year. We’d planted potatoes in it but they didn’t perform and we had about 4 spuds from it which weren’t even enough for us all to have half of one each. So we moved the bricks to the side of the garage and pulled out whatever it was that was growing in it. That “whatever” turned out to be potatoes. Enough for dinner!!! Who knew they were so simple to grow??? Not us anyway.

We’ve also been unwell this last few weeks. Not all of us at the same time. Craig’s been ill for the whole time, and the rest of us for a couple of days at a time. I have no idea what it is. It’s not the dreaded swine flu, far too mild for that, but as I say, no idea what. I’m hoping that whatever it is has now passed us by and we’ll be well enough to enjoy the rest of the holidays.

I finished the changing mat for the bag I made and am quite pleased with it. The mat is a layer of Amy Butler, two layers of Killington and a layer of BKT. It took me back to my nappy making days - I’d forgotten just how much I love Killington and BKT, so lovely and thick and soft. I may have to make myself a pair of Pjs from the killy.

I started a pair of Lucy Neatby socks with an interesting twist pattern on them. I’m having problems with motivation on them though so they may take a while to finish. I've got as far as the heel on the first one.

I’m also still crocheting the blanket with Noro Kureyon. I have about 8 more balls to go to finish it off so I’m aiming for one a day in the hope I can get it finished in the next fortnight.

I’d really like to make a quilt with a jelly roll I got from one of the co-ops I’m on (not buying anymore, I promise. I’m just waiting for some stuff to arrive from when I was naughty and then that’s it. Honest!!)

Anyway, that’s it for now. Hope the weather where you are is better than it has been here and that you’re enjoying the summer.

2009-07-13T21:41:00.003+01:00

I’ve been having another one of my clearouts. Quite a serious one by all accounts. I love getting rid of stuff, unfortunately I also seem to love accumulating it. I’m really hoping that I am managing to change my way of thinking and will stop buying so much stuff. A lot of things I buy because I like them. I don’t think about where it will go, if I really need it or if it will really get used. I like it so I buy it. It’s stupid and I’m really hoping I can break the habit. I quite like the feeling of seeing something that I like and want to buy and not buying it, stepping away from it. Rather tellingly I can’t remember what I have done that with. Just goes to show how much I really wanted it doesn’t it???

I’m also one of those people who can’t choose between things. If I see several things I like rather than choosing one I’ll go for all of them. Which fabric design shall I buy? All of them. Which of the three shades of lipstick? All of them. Again, it’s got to stop.

I’m hoping to clear a lot more stuff out of the house over the summer. Hopefully as stuff goes I will enjoy the space it’s creating and want to rehome more. Already I have started getting rid of the storage I’ve had to buy for all this stuff and the feeling of space it’s creating is lovely.

I’m crocheting a blanket at the moment and I know I need four more balls of wool for it. Normally I would just buy them, but instead I had the bright idea of asking on ravelry if anyone had the shade I needed and if they’d be willing to swap for some other wool I have. Lo and behold, yes there was someone happy to do that so my 4 balls of shade 159 are currently on their way to Australia and hopefully my 102 are on their way over here - it’s cheaper to send them to Australia than to buy more.

I have finished the changing bag. I’m really pleased with it. I did have to undo a few bits because they weren’t quite right and I knew it would annoy me too much not to go back and do them properly. I added a magnetic snap onto it to keep it closed as well. My only complaint about the pattern is that if you put the bottle pockets in where it says to put them you’re sewing them onto four of the main pockets in such a way that they are useless, so I didn’t put mine in. I did sew them together though to make another little bag to go inside it.

I haven’t made the changing pad/bag yet. I’ve cut them out and am using BKT and killington. I’d forgotten how much I love both fabrics, cutting them out took me back to my nappy sewing days. I’m very tempted to make a bed set out of the killington for the winter because it would be soooo lovely and cosy. Or maybe I’ll just make myself some Pjs.

We’re now into our final week of school for this academic year. I am really looking forward to Friday. It will be so nice to be able to put away the uniforms and lunch boxes for 6 weeks and just relax.

In other news, Barney is sleeping through the night!! He goes from about 8pm to 7am and it is lovely. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel!! I am still sitting with him in the evenings as the baby monitor doesn’t work, although Beth sometimes sits with him instead.

A busy week ahead for us. Hope yours is a good one!

2009-07-07T19:30:00.001+01:00

I’m writing this sat on my bed listening to the rain pouring down outside - a sound I love. My night-time routine has turned into one where I put the baby down in his cradle next to my bed and sit with him as he goes off to sleep. The plan tonight is to leave him once he is sleeping but for the last four nights I’ve just sat and done my online stuff next to him.

I’m sure some of you reading are probably horrified that I’m no longer co-sleeping but you know what, I have to do what’s best for my family and co-sleeping isn’t it. Now both Craig and I can relax and sleep properly without the natural fear of rolling onto him and because we’re not so tired that we’re constantly in a bad mood the other children aren’t being shouted at so much. Admittedly, the fact I have insomnia at the moment doesn’t help me, but hopefully that will pass soon. Barney sleeps so much better as he’d not being disturbed by us and he is so close to me he can still touch me.

We’ve actually done some things since I last posted. Ellie had her prom on Saturday. The invitation said ball gowns were welcome but not compulsory - I was quite happy with Ellie’s choice of dress, it was just a nice smart sundress, nothing fancy, but then on Saturday morning I started worrying about what if she was the only one not in fancy clothes?? It turned out she wasn’t the only one. I didn’t see all the girls, but the ones I did see were wearing party clothes. Phew!! I’m so pleased, they’re only 11 for goodness sake, but I guess Lincolnshire is still behind the times when it comes to proms!

My plans to get her hair done went slightly awry when Robbie decided to stand on a rusty drain cover with no shoes on in the chicken pen and fell into it cutting hit foot open. Off we went to A&E where he had stitches in it and a nice bandage. On the way out it started bleeding again so we went back in and they couldn’t see where the bleeding was coming from so they dressed it again and it was fine.

I ended up with 20 minutes to do her hair (and a bit of - very subtle! - make up) and get her there. Luckily she wasn’t the last to arrive and her date (her best friend for the past few years) had some flowers for her - his mum’s idea. Aww, how sweet.

Craft wise I haven’t done much at all. I finished cutting out the pieces for the changing bag and started on the sewing but I could really do with an hour or so of peace and quiet to really get on with it. I also have a crochet blanket on the go which is my car project that I take with me to do the school pick up. I can’t remember if I’ve already mentioned I go 10 minutes earlier than I need to just so I can sit and crochet (or knit depending on what I’m doing) for a while in the peace and quiet.

I’ve just finished reading a book I borrowed from my friend Pippa called “Raising a vaccine free child” by Wendy Lydall. If you’ve ever been unsure as to whether or not to have your child vaccinated then I recommend it (as well as a book called something like “The Truth About Vaccines” by Dr Richard Halvorsen), it’s also a good one to read if you’ve decided not to vaccinate and need reassurance that you’ve made the right decision.

I’ve also recently read a book called “The Thirteenth Tale” by Diane Setterfield (I think), it was a really good read. I’ve started a lot of books recently that I’ve had to dump before I finished them because I just didn’t like them but this one was one of those you don’t want to get to the end of. I don’t believe in finishing a book if you’re not enjoying it, life is too short to waste reading something that you don’t like, there are too many good books out there you might miss out on. I also loved “The book thief” - can’t remember the author of that one - that was one of those ones you can’t put down and feel sad that you’re almost at the end of it.

We’ve got quite a busy time until the end of next week and then it’s the school holidays. My calendar is empty from next Friday and it’s great!!!

2009-06-30T23:07:00.001+01:00

The weather here has been really lovely recently. I have to admit not liking it when it’s too hot outside but fortunately our living room is usually fairly cool in the summer. I don’t know if this has anything to do with it being an old house?

Today the temperature display on my car read 33 degrees at one point! Even my air conditioning was struggling to keep us cool. One of the feeds I subscribe to is for the met office weather warnings and for he last two weeks or so I’ve been getting a daily warning of heavy rain but so far it still hasn’t happened and the forecast is really good until the end of the week when we will apparently get some rain.

One of our chickens has gone broody again - she does it every year and it usually lasts several weeks. Normally it doesn’t bother the other hens but for some reason this year it does seem to have put them off laying in the nesting box. They must be laying somewhere but we have no idea where - one disadvantage of having birds that like to get out of the pen and wander freely. It’s probably down in the dyke between our house and next door but we don’t fancy getting down there to look so we’ll never know. It’s a bit of a nuisance though as I have a bit of a thing going with a couple of friends where I give them eggs and they give us lovely fresh veg from their gardens. Last week we had some gorgeous strawberries, cabbage, broccoli and lettuce. I’m looking forward to seeing what I’m going to get tomorrow for my half dozen eggs (should have been a dozen but as I say, I have no idea where the others are).

Tomorrow is a big day for Ellie - she’s spending the day at her new school. I think she’s quite excited about it. I still can’t quite believe that’s another one of my children going up to big school. As they like to say on that awful programme “Me too” - where did the time go???

And talking of Me Too - does anyone else think that Tina looks like a man in drag??

I know the cute/funny things your child says are never as cute/funny to anyone else but I’m going to share this one with you - Sophie was telling me the other day that she is “only going to have 5 children”. It made me laugh that to her 5 isn’t many whereas to most people it’s loads.

No photo again today I’m afraid. I will try and post one next time.

2009-06-29T22:44:00.000+01:00

I’ve done it again - gone a while without posting.

Not a great deal has happened mind you. My memory is so bad I can’t actually remember what I did last week. The weekend was a quiet one with a rather disastrous walk that ended prematurely due to our stupidity in allowing the children to take various ride-ons/bikes. Note to self - next time we go out the children must leave everything at home!!

On Sunday C took 5 of the children to the beach which they all seemed to enjoy, especially as they found a stretch of beach where they could park the car on the edge of the sand and there was no one around apart from the odd dog walker.

I finished a pair of socks that I have been knitting for a couple of weeks. I’m really disappointed with them as they are waaaayyyy too big for me so fall off as I walk. As they were knitted on two needles this wasn’t obvious until I had finished plus they needed sewing up which is an advantage of knitting with DPNs.

I was telling Millie they were too big and she said she didn’t think daddy would want them (they are pink) so I told her I would have to find someone with bigger feet than me to give them to. “They might fit you when you’re grown up” she pointed out. Maybe I’m not as old as I feel after all!!

I’ve been having a bit more of a declutter. I’m not usually sentimental about things, especially books but there are a couple I just can’t bring myself to get rid of - one is a 14 year old copy of Miriam Stoppards pregnancy book. Even way back then when I bought it the photos were old, but I’ve referred to the baby development info every time I’ve been pregnant. The other is “breast is best” by the Stanways. I bought it when I had just had Eleanor, my first successfully breastfed baby and referred to it lots. I’m not planning any more babies so I’m not likely to need either book again but I can’t get rid of them.

I’ve a few things to get rid of though and thought I’d mention them here in case any of my readers would be interested. One is a seasonal festivity stand. You can see it at www.toyspectrum.com in the celebrations section. Mine is the natural one but if you look at the white one it gives you an idea of what you can do with it. It has holes to hang decorations from as well as larger holes for candles and the decorations from the birthday rings. As you can see it is almost £50. Mine has mainly sat on the shelf gathering dust so I’d like £30 for it.

Also 17 balls of Twilleys Freedom 100% wool in Moorland which is a heathery shade of greens and purples (I made the felted slippers a few pages back from it). A couple of the balls have been knitted so will need to be frogged. Plus a pattern book. £25.

And the following books:
Books from AIMS -
Am I allowed?
Choosing a home birth (Pat Thomas).
Safety in childbirth (Marjorie Tew),
Delivering your placenta, the third stage.
What’s right for me?
Birthing your baby, the second stage.

Also - not from AIMS - MMR understand your choices (Sussman)
All of them £2.50 each plus postage.

Your birth rights by Pat Thomas. Unread but one of my children knocked a glass of water over near it so some of the pages are watermarked. £5.00
The breastfeeding answer book by Jack Newman - £25
Why vegan - £3.00
A-Z of animal ingredients - £3.00
School is not compulsory - £3.00
Mothering your nursing toddler - £3.00
Three in a bed - £3.00
Do not disturb - £4.50

Email me at foreverj2 at aol dot com rather than leaving a response here if interested.

Photos

2009-06-24T00:01:00.005+01:00

I uploaded some photos to go with my last post but they got lost somewhere so here they are. Alfie on his birthday and Barney wearing an outfit I made. I quite like it and as it was so easy I might make him another one.

Birthday boy

2009-06-23T21:33:00.001+01:00

I can’t believe it’s been so long since I last posted!! I’m not sure what happened - the first week I just didn’t feel like posting anything anywhere, was just feeling too negative, and then I just didn’t get round to it.

Since last time we’ve had Alfie’s birthday. He was 3 - where did the time go??? I think he had a lovely day. He liked his presents - a wooden bus, an Ostheimer duck family and 3 books. I didn’t get round to making him a pond for them. He also had the cake he desperately wanted - In the Night Garden. He was so pleased with it that it was worth the £8. We haven’t had a good track record with birthday cakes in the past. I don’t make them, I prefer to buy them, but we’ve always had trouble finding the one the birthday child wanted. One year we were going to get Ellie a Blue’s Clues cake and the week before her birthday we saw one in the local supermarket but decided to buy it closer to the big day. Of course we went in the following week and couldn’t see one on the shelf. When we asked we were told “oh, we stopped selling them last week”

Last week I went to Peterborough with a friend. If you read her blog then you’ll already know we had a bit of an adventure trying to get back to the car which included me getting locked out of the car park while she was shut inside with the babies. If not here is the story (and it’s a lovely blog too).

I bought some Amy Butler fabric in John Lewis to make a changing bag but I haven’t got round to starting it yet - have been trying to finish the things I cut out several weeks ago. Just got a pair of trousers to go and then I can get cutting. I am slightly nervous as it wasn’t cheap fabric but it should hopefully be nice. I also bought some packs of interfacing and wonderweb only to discover I obviously thought I needed to stock up last time I was in there as I already had a couple pf packs of each in my box. I really must check what I actually need before I go in future!!!!!

What else? I can’t remember now. I’m sure I had loads of things to post in my head but they’ve gone now.

The children are all well. Barney/Amos/whatever we’re going to call him is having a really miserable time right now. I have no idea what is wrong with him. Part of me wonders if it’s teeth, or tummy ache, or just that he is one of those miserable babies. He has slept in his cot for the last few nights and has managed to go for fairly long stretches of sleep (4 or 5 hours) so we’re obviously disturbing him when he’s in our bed.

Oh, and talking of beds, we put Alfie’s new bed up in Jack’s room. Jack had been adamant he didn’t want Alfie in his room or this other bed in there but given the chance to help daddy he was very enthusiastic. Alfie hadn’t been keen on the idea of a big boys bed either but again, when he saw it he changed his mind.

The plan was that we would assemble the bed now to give Jack chance to get used to it and then try Alfie in there over the summer holidays but of course he wanted to sleep in there that night. They were still messing around at midnight and when they eventually did go to sleep they were both in the same bed - which was very cute! We’re not trying it again until the school holidays!!

Poor little Jack is seeing a speech therapist again because he’s developed a really severe stammer. It started before his birthday last year and would go in phases of being bad for a couple of weeks and then disappear for a few more weeks, then come back again. Now it’s all the time. Some days are better than others and it’s only the odd thing he stumbles over but other days are so bad he can’t say anything without struggling. He’s starting to become really aware of it now as well and sometimes starts to say something and just gives up. Sophie says the children at school copy the way he speaks which is horrible and I’ve had a word with the teacher although she was very surprised when I said he has a stammer as she’s never noticed it….

It breaks my heart to hear him struggling to speak, especially knowing how cruel other people can be and knowing he will almost certainly be teased or even bullied over it. Some days I just want to cry for him. I really hope that speech therapy can help him or that he is one of those children that grows out it.

Bethany has now finished her exams and is bumming around at home. We’re hoping she will get herself a job so she can earn herself some money and give her something to do - mind you, she has been very good at keeping Alfie occupied as he loves her so much.

That’s it for now. Until next time, enjoy the sun!

2009-06-01T22:19:00.005+01:00

Well, we didn’t get anymore felting done yesterday (here's the promised photos though). Instead we cleaned the cars and tidied up the front of the house a bit.

My car was desperately in need of a clean. I can’t remember the last time it was done and where

we live the roads are often muddy because of the farm traffic around so when the roads are wet as well your car is sprayed with liquid mud. Too often have I gone through the carwash only to have a dirty car again by the time I’ve got home. I had clean bits on the door sills where your leg touches it when getting in and out (and filthy patches on my trouser legs!!) So it was a big job. But, we got it clean and I even have a cleaning tip for you. The front of the car was covered in dead insects and they wouldn’t come off until I tried one of those foam cleaning blocks you can buy quite cheaply on them. This block was so good that it even got all the black stuff off my hub-caps so they are gleaming now too. I don’t want to go out in it and spoil it now, lol

Today is book sharing Monday and I’m not going to share a book with you but a whole series of books. You know when you get one of those thoughts that pop into your head for no apparent reason? Well, last week I suddenly thought “I wonder if you can still get those Garden Gang books?” Remember those? They were written by a 9 year old, but I loved them. I didn’t have all of them as a child, but, thanks to eBay, my children now have almost the whole set (well, we’re waiting for three of them to arrive but you know what I mean).

There are 14 books in the set and here’s a photo of 9 of them. My children have really been enjoying them this last week as they’ve arrived.

I have several emails in my inbox that I need to reply to - if you’re still waiting to hear from me I will get round to it soon, I promise!

Finally, here’s a sunset photo. It doesn’t quite pick up the beautiful colours out there, the sky was blue, pink and yellow striped. One of the lovely things about where we live is the amazing sunsets we can see, and the way the dining room is often lit by the pink light as the sun sets.

Felting

2009-05-30T23:09:00.003+01:00

A few days ago I promised Millie we could make some felted balls for the baby. Of course, I didn’t quite get round to it and she kept asking me. So, today I got the kit out and we sat down to make them. Beth and Robbie joined in (Ellie was out with daddy and Barney doing the shopping, Sophie was asleep on the sofa, the boys playing in the dining room) and off we went.
I followed the instructions on how to make them but when it came to felting them it all went a bit pear shaped. Ok, very pear shaped. It just didn’t work. As soon as they were put into the water as per the instructions they just fell apart and didn’t felt. Luckily I’d only put mine in to demonstrate how to do it so we abandoned wet felting them and needle felted instead. We also abandoned our original designs and make other things. Beth did attempt to wet felt her but gave up after a while as it didn’t quite work which is a shame.

I made a bumble bee, Robbie made Mario, Millie made a ladybird.

Millie really got bitten by the felting bug and made lots of things once the main session was over, and Ellie joined her and made several things too when she got back from Tesco.

I did come close to losing my temper a few times while we were crafting, but I managed not to - I have no patience at all so find it very hard to teach my children things - which I’m really pleased about.

We all enjoyed it so much that tomorrow we’re going to have another attempt at wet felting, this time something flat. One thing we’re going to make is a duck pond for Alfie for his birthday - he’s getting some Ostheimer ducks for his birthday and I thought a pond might be a really nice idea. I’ve seen a felted farmyard in a magazine and am wondering about having a go at making something like that for him for all the wooden animals we have, but that will probably have to be for Christmas.

While we were working away I was listening to the children chatting and Ellie and Millie were talking about how when they are mums they are going to make their children’s toys themselves which I thought was a lovely idea. I’m so glad that they have the same ideals as I have. And I hope they have the same love of crafts.

It was quite hard to let them use my wool. I had to really bite my tongue to stop myself from telling them not to use too much or not to waste it. But if they did use it all would it really matter? Surely it’s better for them to remember making lovely things from lovely materials than to remember that mummy had a massive stash of craft materials they weren’t allowed to touch and that never got used - can you imagine if they were clearing out the house after I have died and it’s all still there, unused, when they could have spent hours having fun with it as children?

So I am feeling like a really good mummy tonight! J

Oh, and not all the photos could be uploaded so I'll post some more tomorrow.

2009-05-29T19:41:00.001+01:00

So much for me getting into the habit of posting every day. Mind you, it wasn’t my fault - I’ve had a nasty virus on my laptop and couldn’t use it for a few days. But I’m back. Not that I have much to say.

It’s been a quiet week here - spoke too soon, Ellie has just come to me with a really bad nosebleed. Right, crisis averted, where was I? Oh yes, it’s been a quiet week, we haven’t done very much at all. The girls rooms had a bit of a tidy. We didn’t quite get there with them, but they are much better. We’re considering a bit of a radical idea (which almost certainly wont happen knowing us) where all the girls sleep in one room, all the boys sleep in another, then we have a room for the older children’s games etc and a room for the younger ones toys. And the younger children have to stay out of the older ones room.

I really need to have a sort out of the children’s clothes this weekend if possible. I quite enjoy sorting their clothes, getting rid of the stuff that’s in too much of a state to be passed down to the next child, seeing what they have that still fits them. They have far too many clothes though so I’m not going to buy anything unless they actually need it, and if possible make things for them instead of buying. Luckily my children are happy to wear things I make (well, apart from the younger boys who refuse to wear the things I knit for them).

Before I forget I must tell you about my new favourite thing. I love nutella chocolate spread and have treated myself to a jar for those moments when only a spoonful or two of lovely nutty chocolatey-ness will do. Well, Craig made some scones and I decided to try them with nutella instead of jam, with a blob of cream on top. Really really delicious. I highly recommend you try it sometime.

And here’s another confession for you - I love the idea of baking but don’t particularly enjoy the process so Craig and my older children do the baking in our house instead as they do enjoy it (and they even clear up after themselves so it can’t be bad!!) So, no, I’m not one of those Domestic Goddesses who rustle up cakes etc every week.

Does anyone else have children that won’t play outside? I’ve been trying to get my lot outdoors today but within 10 minutes they’re back inside on the computers or Dss. Tomorrow if the weather is nice then I am banning all indoor pursuits until after dinner. They’ve got plenty to do outdoors so they can’t claim to be bored. Anyone got any ideas that I can pass on to them for things to do? Just something to start them off. Hey, who knows, I might even go out there with them! I could go and sit in my Cath Kidston tent and read or something.

Talking of tents - does anyone want an unused 12 person tent? It’s never been out of the bag it came in. I bought it last year to go to Faery Fest but didn’t go in the end as I was so ill with morning sickness and petrol prices were really really high. We’ll never use it, camping just isn’t our thing. Let me know if you’re interested.

Right, that’s it for tonight. Hope you have a good weekend and that the weather is lovely wherever you are.

2009-05-25T23:12:00.003+01:00

First photo taken by Jack.

Today the weather wasn’t quite as warm as yesterday but I did get some washing out. I’m a bit lazy when it comes to drying washing. When the weather gets nice I’ll put the washing out for about a week but then the novelty wears off, and I often forget to bring it in and it spends a week out there before I finally get round to getting it off the line and back into the washing machine (if it’s been rained on in that time). The dryer has been on a few times as well as there just isn’t the room outside for all the washing I do.

I have something else to rehome in my declutter attempts - this scrap booking kit. I’d like £25 ono for it including postage (which is going to be a lot more than the QVC postage as it is so heavy). Contact me at lucie@craigandlucie.com (or my other email address if you have that) if you’d like it. I also have some sewing patterns as well if anyone is interested in those? Contact me as before. They are mainly baby and little girl patterns. And a request - does anyone have any issues of The Knitter magazine they don’t want anymore? I have 3 and 4 but would like the others.

Two of our chickens have died in the last 24 hours. No idea why, they seemed fine, one of them was about 4 years old so not too surprising but the other one was one of our newer ones, although still about 2 years ago. I’m not too bothered about it, I don’t get attached to animals or get sentimental about them, it’s life isn’t it?

Ellie wondered if we could have a pony if all the chickens died - she was most disappointed when I told her that the chicken pen, big as it is, just isn’t big enough for a pony. Not even a Shetland. Not even a sheep (mind you, I’d be happy to rehome one of the sheep from down the road, lol)

Several people whose blogs I read do something called “Book Sharing Monday”. Well, I can’t promise that I will participate every week but here’s my contribution this week. “Ten Tiny Tadpoles” by Debbie Tarbett. Jack and Alfie love this book. It won’t win any literary prizes, the concept it simple counting down from 10 to 1 as one by one the tadpoles are left behind only to be reunited at the end as frogs. I would love to show a photo of the lovely pop up ending, however ours was ripped out a long time ago but the boys still love reading the book over and over again. It’s only of those ones you find you can read to them while doing something else if necessary as it doesn’t take long to learn each one of the rhymes.

Sunny Sunday

2009-05-24T22:19:00.000+01:00

Today was a lovely day, one of those “throw all the windows and doors open” days where it was nice to let the house air properly for the first time this year. I love having all the doors and windows open and the house definitely feels like it’s had a chance to breathe a little.

I’ve been really fed up with the state of the lounge recently so decided we would all spend 15 minutes tidying it. After 15 minutes it was almost done so we spent another 5 minutes finishing it off. As the weather was so nice the children spent the rest of the afternoon/early evening in the garden so it stayed tidy as well which was great! I even cleaned the windows so we can see out again (just need our window cleaner to finally come back and do the outsides).

I cleaned and tidied our bedroom as well which hasn’t quite been finished the last few attempts. I even cleared the clothes out of Barney’s cradle so he could in theory now sleep in it. Yeah right!! Last time I tried he screamed and then obviously didn’t trust me not to put him back in it because he wouldn’t settle to sleep properly for the rest of the night. I really ought to put it away as he isn’t going to use it. I should really get rid of it as Alfie and Jack didn’t sleep in it either but I have this stupid attachment to it and can’t bring myself to pass it on. I can’t even bring myself to put it away even though it takes up room in our bedroom and is a nuisance.

We had a barbecue for dinner which was lovely. It’s out third attempt this year - the other times we bought the food and it started raining as soon as we had paid for it! The children helped me make vegetable kebabs and enjoyed eating them - Alfie even ate two “babs”.

I’ve won a prize. I’m not sure exactly what it is but I’m really pleased with myself as I never win anything. So, to celebrate, and also to assist me in my declutter, I’d like to offer something to you my readers. I have a box full of rubber stamps that I never use so I’d like to pass some of them on. Email me with your details at lucie@craigandlucie.com and I’ll send some to the first two people to contact me.

Saturday with Sophie

2009-05-23T21:17:00.003+01:00

Had a lovely day today. I wanted to go into town to see if the cheap magazine stall on the market had any issues of The Knitter magazine. Sophie wanted to come with me so we had an afternoon out together which was lovely.

On the way from the car Sophie spotted some toys in the window of a charity shop so I promised we could have a look on the way back again. She didn’t forget and in we went - she got a game and a little jewellery box and I found a nice yellow jug.

We got back to the car to find there was no way we were going to get home any time soon - I was blocked in by two police cars, a fire engine and an ambulance. Sadly somebody had been hit by a car - I really hope they are ok. We dropped the shopping off and went back into town. Now, I’m not a regular charity shop patron, I hardly ever go in them. But I always see other peoples purchases on their blogs and think how lucky they are to find nice things but I will admit to being a snob when it comes to second hand clothes, I just can’t bring myself to buy them. I don’t mind books etc though, so off we went on a trawl of the towns charity shops. Only one other had anything we wanted and Sophie came out with another game while I found two little ceramic pots with lids for 99p each. So now I’m wanting to go on a charity shop tour of Lincolnshire to see what else I can find.

And we had to go into Costa for a drink and cake because the baby needed feeding - what a shame!!

After we got home I did a bit of sewing. I made a couple of pairs of Pjs from the pile I cut out several weeks ago. Hopefully I’ll get the chance to do some more tomorrow.

And in other exciting news, one of my girls has been asked on her first date!! She’s been best friends with the boy for a few years now so it was almost inevitable it would happen sooner or later. They're going to go to the cinema and then to McDonalds apparently...

Oh, and no, the stall didn’t have the magazine.

Sheepish surprise

2009-05-22T22:37:00.003+01:00

Sometimes I see things others don’t notice, sometimes I don’t notice things that are really obvious.

When we do the school run we can go two ways onto the main road. Neither gets us to school any quicker than the other, but one takes us down a narrow road that often has big lorries and tractors coming in the opposite direction and also has a blind bend so I’m not that keen on going that way. Of course, it’s Millie’s favourite way to go and if she remembers in time will ask if we can go that way instead of the usual way.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago we came home the back way and much to my surprise one of the normally open fields had been fenced off and was full of these:

I couldn’t believe there was a field of one of my favourite things so close to our house. What was worse was the fact you can actually see them from our front door but I hadn’t noticed. Admittedly it is a fair way off so it’s not like they’re very obvious but if I actually opened my eyes I’d have seen them. I suppose you get so used to your surroundings you stop noticing them don’t you? So now that’s my favourite way home and we drive past the sheep every day to see how they’re doing. In the evenings all the lambs run round in a little group together which is really really sweet. There’s usually a mummy sheep telling them off for something as well.

My lack of observation doesn’t end there this week. Can you believe I have got to the age of 35 without realising that horse chestnut trees have blossom on them?? I had never noticed before, but now I’ve realised I’m seeing it everywhere. And in another example of synchronicity a blog I read this week mentioned it. I had hoped to get a photo of one of the many trees round here but haven’t yet.

Another thank you to everyone who has ever left a comment on my blog. I read all your blogs too and apologise if I haven’t ever left a comment. Often I can’t think of anything until later and then never quite get round to it. One day I will get round to updating my blog list at the side and add more of the blogs I read. And if you read without having left a comment, thank you to you for reading. J

Coincidences

2009-05-21T20:20:00.001+01:00

I love stories like this that Andy posted on his blog yesterday.

So it was nice to have my own story happen today - my health visitor runs a short course of baby classes about things like weaning, first aid and baby massage which I have been to after the babies I’ve had at this house were born. Today was the first one of the newest course and we all had to say our name, our baby’s name and where we live. As it happened the lady next to me lives in the same village and of course we both asked which road the other one lived on. Later we were chatting and it turned out we both have daughters in the same year at the same school and then she asked which house we lived in. I described where it is (all the houses on our road have names, not numbers) and asked “do you know which one I mean?” You know what’s coming don’t you? Not only did she know which one I live in, she used to live here when she was a little girl!!!! She couldn’t remember much about it but enough to give me a small insight into what it was like.

When she was here it was a tied cottage to the farm her father worked on and was quite different to how it is now. What is our front door is a newer addition and takes you through what was their back door. The first room was the kitchen (our infamous dumping ground) and the old front door has since been bricked up. The breakfast room and the kitchen must be around 30-35 years old as it wasn’t like that when she was here.

She’s going to ask her parents if they have any photos of the house when they were here and also ask more about what it was like. I would love to have her and her parents round to tell me how it was when they lived here.

Not only was that a lovely coincidence, it also tied in with me lying in bed last night wishing I knew more about the house and the people who have lived here before. A friend lent me a book about tracing the history of your home which I managed to look at last night but a lot of info needs you to go out to record offices etc and I’m not sure my house would have any historic records anyway being just a farm cottage.

The internet has made me so lazy!! If I can’t look it up online I can’t be bothered! I have found the census returns for the house from several of the census years which is interesting - what is also interesting is the way the same surnames keep occurring not only in the returns but also in real life. I think one of the families that lived here is related to one of the ladies that worked at Jack’s playschool for example.

I did ask the lady today if she knew anyone in the forces who might have dropped the badges but she doesn’t. Maybe her parents would? It would be really nice to reunite them with their rightful owner.

Also today I went to my knitting group and watched an alpaca being sheared. It was really interesting but typically I didn’t have my camera so can’t post photos. I will try and remember to take it next week though. It was Ronaldo who had his hair cut today (it reminded me a bit of when I shave the males in this house hair, only with less spitting, lol)

I really must start carrying my camera around with me as I keep seeing things I want to take photos of to share on my blog - or at least to make it a bit more interesting.

And finally, as if two links aren’t enough for you here’s another one. Look at the photo!!

Bad news, good news

2009-05-20T22:07:00.001+01:00

First of all, thank you for the comments on my last post (both on here and via email).

Laura - yep, you’re right, the jumper is Noro. Silk Garden shade 86 I think. The blanket under it is also Noro, this time Kureyon. I can’t remember which shades it is though (I used two different ones).

I do the same as Pippa, spend days cleaning my house before anyone comes round - in fact, until Pippa and her lovely children came to visit us recently I hadn’t had anyone round for over a year because I just couldn’t face the tidying up beforehand. I have a policy of having a clean tidy house for the first time someone comes round and after that you take me as you find me, lol

A couple of weeks ago I decided to move the furniture round in the living room - the rugs still haven’t been put back because I haven’t got round to finishing the hoovering for them to go back. I nearly did it today though, but got distracted by sorting my books out, lol

It’s great to know so many people are as good at housework as me!!! ;-)

I discovered something terrible yesterday. Regular readers will know about my Time Team obsession. Since I was bitten by the bug in February I have seen 102 of the 170 episodes made to date (not including the specials). As I’m no longer up for the 4.30am showing I tape them, and last night was setting the recorder for the next weeks worth only to discover that from Monday they are showing Scrapheap Challenge instead. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How could they???? Who on earth wants to watch Scrapheap Challenge at that time of the morning??? Ok, some of you are probably thinking “who on earth wants to watch Time Team full stop????”

All I can say is thank goodness for channel 4 on demand. Although they don’t appear to have the earliest episodes on there. I don’t suppose anyone has them on DVD I could borrow do they???

Did you see this? Lovely story

Musings

2009-05-19T19:05:00.002+01:00

One thing I have noticed people online say is how they wish their lives could be like the ones in the blogs they read. How come the bloggers seem to have these wonderfully idyllic lives with no stresses and no losing their temper with their children etc etc? Or how do these mums have the time to knit, sew, bake, garden or whatever while bringing up their family?

I think the answer is probably that all you get to read is the positive stuff and not the negative. I try not to write about the bad days, the losing my temper, the state of my house, getting frustrated with my children in my blog as I don’t expect my readers to want to read all that stuff. But I do hope that no one reads my blog and feels inadequate - how on earth does she knit, sew etc AND bring up 8 children?? Is she supermum?

I can tell you without any doubt I am NOT supermum. I find the time to do my knitting or whatever when the children are at school/asleep/being looked after by my husband. Craig works from home so he helps out an awful lot and often takes the littlest ones out to give me time to get on with something else. My house is a mess. Seriously. Not the kind of mess that some people apologise for (“oh my house is such a state, please ignore it”) when actually it’s spotless, but a general untidiness. It’s not spotlessly clean but it’s not bad either. I don’t think Kim and Aggie would feel it was bad enough for their show. I have to admit to thinking “I really must hoover the floor” a couple of weeks ago and a week later it still needed doing!

I’d just much rather do things I enjoy than spend my life cleaning. My house can be clean and tidy when the children have left home. I don’t get as much time to do my hobbies as it is.

I am feeling a bit negative this week though. Something that happened a while ago is really playing on my mind and causing me to have very negative feelings towards the people concerned and I'm not sure how to move on from it. And I just feel like withdrawing more from some of my online groups. One group I am definately not going back to, and another one I havent posted on for a while and don't really miss it. So I'm probably going to step back from that too. I won't be posting any "I'm leaving" posts - flouncing only makes you look like you are attention seeking and of course if you change your mind you then look stupid when you come back. At least if you just withdraw for a while you can go back and say you needed a little break.

Craftwise I have finished a jumper this week. It’s from a Cornelia Tuttle Hamilton book and I’m quite pleased with it. I have started my next thing which is a cardigan for Barney.

2009-05-17T15:33:00.003+01:00

If you’ve read the earliest posts on this blog you’ll know it was set up to document us getting Millie diagnosed with Aspergers. Well, we saw the psychologist on Monday and she gave us a letter she has written to be sent on to the school and our GP stating that she doesn’t believe Millie does have Aspergers and discharged us. She thinks Millie is just immature but doesn’t know why and we need to work on her confidence with things such as her writing and the fact she doesn’t always know the correct words for things even though she knows what they are (I’m like that, often I know stuff in my head but I can’t actually put it into words and explain it to other people). She also said she could see a marked difference in Millie since we moved her to the smaller school.

So, we’re not completely happy with this but she’s the professional and the expert so we have to accept this. Right?

Today we had to go to school to pick Jack up early and the head asked Craig if she could have a quick word. She is also one of Millie’s class teachers (she has two, they job share) so knows her fairly well. She received the letter today and disagrees with it. She is convinced that Millie actually does have Aspergers and if the psychologist had seen Millie at school she would see a lot of evidence for this. Would it be ok if she referred her to the educational psychiatrist?

Apparently Millie has her little routines at school - for example at lunch time she opens her lunch box and sorts her lunch out before she can eat it, and then she makes animals out of the foil.

So, we’re back on the path to getting her diagnosed. If anyone with a child with Aspergers is reading this - did this happen to you as well??

Since I last posted I’ve been to Ikea and Yarn in Notts with a lovely friend of mine. We had a lovely day. Hope we can have another day out soon. I also went to Sheffield to meet up with some of the mums from my Babyworld ante-natal club which was nice as well. The photo isn’t very clear but there are 14 babies there. We had several passers by stop to look when the photo was taken and some even took photos themselves - I wonder what they thought we were all doing??? Barney is third from the left.

I’ve been doing a bit of knitting - I’m making a jumper for Barney which is very simple, but the hood was a bit of a nightmare. And working out how to do twisted rib took me about a week. It doesn’t sound simple does it?? But it is. Hardly any shaping and because it’s so small it’s quick.

Despite spending a weekend cutting out loads of clothes for the children I still haven’t started sewing them. I must try and do some this weekend as the children are getting a bit desperate for Pjs!!!

Yesterday I caught Alfie messing about with my pots of dye. The photo shows what happened when he started crying after I shrieked at him and rushed him into the kitchen to wash his hands - he rubbed his face and turned green, lol

Barney has started “talking” a lot now which is sooooo sweet. He’s such a happy chappy a lot of the time. And nights are getting better. He is still waking every couple of hours but only for about 10 minutes and he’ll go straight back down again. He’s also started sticking his tongue out all the time which is very sweet as well.

I actually started writing this about 2 days ago but life got in the way and I didn’t get back to it. Hey ho!

Anyway, other news is that Beth has started her exams. She had two last week and has three or four this week. It’s scary in some ways that my own daughter is old enough to be doing her exams and leave school. She’s going to 6th form in September and wants to be a games designer. I really hope she succeeds as I think she would be very good at it.

I’m very proud of how she is turning out. She’s very mature in some ways and so good with her younger siblings. I can’t imagine she is going to be in any hurry to have children of her own mind you - she has seen for herself just how hard it is looking after a baby. Today she has been helping Jack and Alfie make cakes (and eat them too!!!)

Yesterday we had a pleasant trip into town so Millie and Ellie could spend their birthday money. Ellie has been slowly spending hers since February but Millie spent all of hers in one shot (ok, admittedly she spent a little more than she actually had, don’t tell Craig!) We went into Waterstones to look at the books and she refused to leave until she had put all their Beast Quest books into the right order. Now you may laugh, but the fact they were out of order irritated me. Not quite enough to sort them out, I have that under control now, but it does make me wonder if I don’t notice a lot of Millie’s “funny ways” because I have them too and so to me they’re not unusual.

On the way home the radio signal went funny and it was making a horrible noise. Millie started having a fit over it because she couldn’t stand it - again, it was irritating me and I was having to try very hard not to shout at Craig to turn it off as well. Is it normal? Or are we just a bit odd???

This afternoon I was meant to be sewing but the dining room is in too much of a mess so I am going to post this and then try and get the sleeve of Barney’s jumper finished so I can start on his cardigan.

There was more I wanted to write but I can’t remember it right now. Hopefully I wont leave it as long till next time!!

PS. Hurray! I have finally worked out how to put photos where I want them in the blog and not just at the top!

2009-04-29T20:13:00.000+01:00

At last the weather has improved again. After a lovely weekend we had a couple of miserable days but the sun is back. I have to admit I’m not one of those people who like to sit in the garden. I wish I was. I often think about how nice it would be to sit in the sun but I just can’t do it. Or how nice it would be to sit and have breakfast on the patio outside our bedroom. I have to admit to hating it when I go to other people’s houses in the summer and them insisting we sit outdoors - mind you, I do have a good excuse this year as I have now been formally diagnosed with the hay fever and asthma which is triggered off by tree pollen, timothy grass etc.

I do like being outdoors though - I love being in the countryside and have this urge to go camping despite our previous attempt being such a disaster. Maybe it’s like childbirth - you forget how awful it was until you’re there again and wishing you’d remembered.

I’m going to work on it this year though, and force myself to sit outside. I might even do a bit of back garden camping too - and if it’s a nightmare I can always run in to my nice comfy bed!!!

I decided to try a new toddler group today - the one I usually go to on a Wednesday is the one I was running. I have to admit I was starting to get a bit fed up with the same few people to talk to every week - lovely as they are, I just get this urge to meet new people every now and then. Maybe It’s a subconscious thing from our days of moving to a new place frequently? I find I *need* to get to know new people (not dump the ones I already know, I just want to add new people to my life).

Anyway, off I went, sat myself down and the first person who walked past me said “hello!! How are you??” You know that awful moment where you’re thinking “I’m sure I know you but where from????” but I couldn’t place her at all. Was she just being friendly? She stopped to talk to me again on her way back from wherever she had been and fortunately she’d had the same “I know you etc etc” moment. It turned out I know her from the knitting group I used to go to. Well, that was just the start of it. I seemed to know half the people there from various other places. So much for me meeting some new people! I couldn’t really say “please don’t talk to me, I only want to speak to people I’ve never met before” could I?

On the flip side though - it was nice to realise just how many people I do know around the area.

I’m finding my online time changing too. I’m moving away from forums I used to frequent a lot. One I haven’t been on for weeks now and I have to admit I haven’t missed it. I found when it changed servers and design the atmosphere changed and I just didn’t feel comfortable there any longer. I’m sure no one has even noticed my absence anyway (and if anyone from said forum is reading this, no that’s not an attempt to get people saying “oh we have missed you, please come back”).

I don’t know what’s wrong with me at the moment, I’m feeling down but no idea why. I can’t complain about sleep - well, I could, but considering how bad it was I’m not going to. Barney is still sleeping in our bed at night and waking every 2-3 hours for a feed. Actually, he’s not really waking, he just stirs a bit so I sit up and feed him. He’d probably just settle back to sleep if I left him. I’ve got that feeling that things are changing again - I like change though, so I’m not worried.

Jack is still enjoying school - he comes running out with a big grin on his face. I’m so pleased he’s settled in so well. And that I’ve got Sophie to report back on what he’s been up to!!

Right, that will do for now. If you’re on Twitter and would like to follow me I’m memesmama and Barney, clever baby that he is Tweets under the username baby_barney

Two birthdays

2009-04-24T20:46:00.000+01:00

Blimey, it’s been over a week since I updated.

So far our nights have been great. Barney settles down to sleep between midnight and 1am and then wakes for a feed every 2 - 3 hours. Ok, it’s not as good as an unbroken nights sleep but I’m happy. I’m actually getting some sleep at night and am able to get up as a proper time and stay up until bedtime. Hurray!! Keep it up son!

On Monday I had a friend round with her children. There were 13 children in the house but it was very civilised and they all got on really well. My lot really enjoyed having some other children to play, and it was lovely that the visitors were all so beautifully behaved and polite. They’re welcome back any time.

Tuesday was back to school, although we discovered that actually Robbie should have gone back the previous day. Whoops!! I can’t keep up with 4 different schools!

It was a big day for Jack - his first day at big school. Before the holidays he was adamant he wasn’t going to a new school but as we bought his uniform, shoes and lunch box he got more and more excited. Before they went he said, “Soph’s [his nickname for Sophie] we’re going to big school today!” Sadly I didn’t get a photo of him in his uniform as he wasn’t having any of that, but he does look so cute.

He had a great time, absolutely loved it and we’ve had no problems with him going all week. Sophie looks after him as he’s in her class and of course she reports back to us what he’s up to.

Tuesday was also Bethany’s 16th birthday which is a bit of a milestone isn’t it? I’ve been a parent for 16 years. That’s nearly half my life. And it makes me feel really old. I think she had a nice day.

Today is Millie’s birthday. She’s 9 now. It doesn’t seem like that long since she was born and we had all that stress over her being so ill. I have photos from then that I want to scrapbook one day but I find it hard to look at them at the moment. She got some lovely presents which she’s very pleased with.

So we’ve had two parties this week - we don’t need to invite other children round as we’ve got enough to have a little party ourselves, lol - and of course two cakes which have been very tempting but I am being strong as I am determined to lose my weight.

Also today I went to meet a friend at Starbucks for a coffee which was lovely. Sadly I could only stay an hour as I had to get back for one of the school pick-ups.
But, while I was there I was chatting to the bloke that works there about archaeology (he’s an archaeologist) and mentioned my Time Team obsession and told him I wanted to dig up my garden. I thought he was joking when he said he could get a team together to come and dig it up for me, but it turned out he wasn’t so they’re coming to dig some test pits next week. I am really excited about it - I just hope they do find something though. It will be embarrassing if they don’t! And maybe they can tell me some more about those badges - I found another one the day after I posted my last entry.

I think that’s it for now. Not made anything this week, but hopefully I will get some knitting or sewing done this weekend.

Until next time, take care.

Doh!

2009-04-15T17:06:00.002+01:00

In my enthusiasm and hurry to post yesterday I forgot to give this link. http://www.oliverands.com/patterns/Oliver+SLazyDaysSkirt.pdf

It's a free pattern for a skirt which looks really easy to make.

And in other news (and I know my already shaky membership to the AP club is going to get cancelled when you read this but hey!) - Barney slept for 3 hours last night. On his own. In his cradle!!!!! Ohh, it was lovely. He woke up at 4.30am for a feed and then came into bed with us for the rest of the night - until 9am!!!!!!

So now all we need to do is get him to start going to bed earlier and maybe I will get a decent nights sleep again at last. I don't mind feeding him 2 or 3 times during the night, as long as he goes down again (whether it's in his cradle or our bed).

It was quite cute that to give him something to look at we put my Julius the Monkey PJs over the cot sides for him as he loves looking at the monkey faces and he grabbed hold of them and held on to them. I m going to have to make him something to hold with the bit of fabric I have leftover.

Cross your fingers and toes for another good night please!! :-)

2009-04-14T22:58:00.001+01:00

I got some very nice post today. A few weeks ago I ordered some patterns from Oliver and S and was getting a bit worried that they hadn’t arrived. A card came through the door saying I have a packet that owed £21 in Customs charges on it - ouch!!! Well, it was my patterns which the PO have had since Tuesday of last week! How did it take so long for them to bring the card round??? And what is worse, of the £21 charge, £8 was Royal Mail’s handling fee!!! I am now worrying the other parcel I have coming from the US is going to get caught as well.

Anyway, despite being stung, I am very pleased with the patterns and can’t wait to make something with them. They also come with a little paper doll to cut out and play with but I think they might be too nice for that.

Easter weekend went ok. The usual quiet time as we don’t celebrate Easter in any way other than getting the children an Easter egg each. Oh, ok, I had one too.

Yesterday was the start of my diet - I am fed up of my maternity trousers, nice as they are. I want to get back into my old clothes again. I’m not telling you how much I weighed but it was too much. I enjoy this diet most of the time (I did it two years ago and lost 4 stone) although I am finding it a little bit hard at the moment as I am so used to eating chocolate and other junk all the time so it’s getting out of that habit that is going to be tricky.

Otherwise things are quiet here. I am currently reading a book on vaccinations a friend has lent me. Hmm, it’s got me even more confused than I was. I haven’t had S, J and A immunised and am fairly confident in my decision but at the moment I’m wavering. It all started last week when I took Barney for his 8 week check and the Dr assumed I’d be having him “done”. I didn’t say I wasn’t as I was so tired and couldn’t face a discussion about it, but then he went off to see if the nurse was ready for us - thankfully she wasn’t and I escaped. But for some reason it set me off thinking about it. The book isn’t really changing my mind on it, apart from for the diphtheria vax, but then you are never going to get anything that is impartial are you? It’s hard. I’m sure I’m doing the right thing, but you can’t help but wonder can you?

I managed to do some sewing the other day as well - I made Pjs for Alfie which he wasn’t too keen on at first. I like them but for some reason the sleeves are too short. No photos, and they’ve been wrecked with chocolate cereal milk down the front already. Hey ho! Also made another hat for Barney with some of the offcuts. So that’s another metre of fabric de-stashed!!

I’m thinking of changing the blog’s name - it doesn’t really reflect what I tend to write about because the original intention was for it to be about Millie and her being diagnosed with Aspergers. But she isn’t going to be and I talk about other stuff instead. However, I don’t know if it will still appear in subscriber’s feeds if I do change the name. Does anyone know? I’d hate to change it and no one be able to find it again.

Talking of Aspergers though - I am more and more convinced I have Aspergers. Everything I read about it makes me go “hey, I do that” or “that’s just like me”. I’m not going to go down the route of official diagnosis, there’s no point, but it is quite nice to know why I am the way I am.

Anyway, that is it for now. Barney will be back any time now - he’s gone to Asda with his dad and Robbie - so that will be my peace and quiet time up.

Whoops!

2009-04-11T21:51:00.000+01:00

Just realised the photos didnt load up for the medal thingy. Here they are.

Edited to add - I have had an email telling me that it is a cap badge and would have been worn on the berets of the service personnel.

2009-04-11T21:46:00.000+01:00

On Wednesday night I decided that as Barney (did I mention we’ve decided to call him Barney?) had slept for a couple of hours on the sofa the previous two nights I’d try him in his cradle once he had gone off to sleep. So, at 3.30am off we went, I lay him down and went to get my Pjs on. When I got into bed his eyes were awake and within 5 minutes it was obvious he wasn’t going to sleep there at all so off we went back to the lounge. Ah well, it was worth a try.

I had looked up the sunrise times and according to the website I found the sun rises here at about 6ish which would mean leaving here about 5.15 to make sure I was in place to watch on the morning I go. However, I happened to walk through the kitchen at about 5.20 and as the blind was open I noticed the sky was fairly light and I could see the sun just coming up so I’m guessing I’ll need to leave about 4.15. If I ever go. I might be lazy and go and watch out of Jack’s bedroom window (it’s probably safer than driving up to the coast now that I’ve announced to the world I’m going to do it one morning, lol)

Have you noticed I never seem to mention doing anything much during the day? I just never go out, I never feel like it once I’m up. But yesterday (Friday - it’s currently 2.30am Saturday) I forced myself out of bed after 4 hours sleep and went over to see a friend. I have to admit before I left I was sat feeding Barney and wishing I hadn’t organised it, I was so tired, but I am so glad I did. It was a lovely afternoon which I enjoyed so much I lost track of time and was most shocked when we discovered it was almost 6pm!! I took the three younger girls and they had a great time too.

We live in an old house (well, half of it is 200 years old, the other half is relatively new at about 25 years) and I’ve often wondered who used to live here so the other night I spent a bit of time on ancestry.co.uk looking through the census records and I think I now know. Unfortunately they didn’t put house names on the returns although I’m not sure the house would have had it’s name then. I’m pretty sure there were only two or three houses on this road until the early 1900s so I’m fairly sure I’ve got the right people. It also seems the road had a different name at one point as well.

It was interesting looking through the names of the families that lived in the village. There are several surnames that I’ve noticed I hear a lot round here anyway and they cropped up in the census. If I’m right then our house was lived in my one of the ancestors of one of Jack’s playgroup ladies.

I still really want to dig around outside and see if there’s anything buried in the garden - and one of these days I will take a photo of the military “things” I found in the garden to see if anyone who reads this can tell me what they are and how old they are. I think they are some kind of button or other kind of decoration for a uniform but I have no idea otherwise and it’s hard to read the inscription on one of them. They turned up in the gravelled part of the garden so I suppose they could have been in the gravel load rather than dropped by someone here. If they are from here there could be more - I think the chickens may have scratched them up. I should go and have another scout round in case anymore have turned up.

Having written all that, I’ve decided to photo them now - of course, I can only find one of them. They’re funny things - they disappear and reappear regularly. We put them “somewhere safe” and they’ve gone when we want them, and then they reappear somewhere really strange days, weeks or months later. Anyway, the one I have photographed is the one that looks like it slides onto a strap or something. It says “HONI SOIT QUI MAL Y PENSE” and “ROYAL ARMY SERVICE CORPS” In the centre it looks like GR VI

Having Googled it, I’ve got some info about it - it’s from George VI’s reign so could be as much as 70 years old. Anyway, if anyone knows anymore I’d love to know. The photos aren’t great though, sorry.

I did start writing this last night but then Barney needed me to pick him up so it’s now Saturday night. Another day has been wasted really with us sleeping. However, I did do a bit of sewing - made some Pjs for Alfie and a hat for Barney from the off cuts. Does anyone else have to try and sew with two toddlers climbing all over them and trying to touch the machine? Jack was trying to turn the wheels on my over locker - it took me ages to get the settings right after the last time someone messed about with them so I wasn’t impressed!!

Barney has found his voice today which is sooo cute. He’s lying on his playmat at the moment talking to his toys. I keep forgetting he is 2 months old now and is probably wanting to look at toys and things. Now he’s smiling as well it’s lovely. It’s a good job he’s so cute isn’t it??

Right, that looks like my typing time is up for now, Have a good Easter Sunday whatever you’re doing. Don’t be sick if you’re lucky enough to get lots of chocolate!!! ;-)