When I moved out of the marital home we were really surprised at how well Millie had taken it all. I’d expected her to react badly to the changes but she seemed to be absolutely fine. And when she went back to school all seemed well too.

Of course, it didn’t last! Her behaviour has got worse and worse. Her meltdowns became more frequent and I was seeing a lot more of her “behaviours” at home. Meltdowns are starting first thing in the morning and she is spending a lot of time out of the classroom because she can’t cope with being in there. It’s awful to see her the way she’s gone. School are fantastic, she has a one to one who spends a lot of time with her and they have a table set up in the corridor outside the classroom for her with colouring, pens, plasticine etc for her. But it’s getting to the point where they can’t cope either and she’s coming home at lunchtime when her one to one goes home.

I took her to the doctors to ask them to refer her again to try and get a diagnosis. The school wrote a letter to back up the request as well. We have an appointment on 1st December and the one to one is going to come with us as well to explain what happens at school which I obviously don’t see.

She’s also got the ed psych going into school to see her to give his opinion. Someone from Autism Outreach saw her at school - she had said that she wasn’t able to offer any help until Millie had a diagnosis but then Millie had one of her meltdowns and she said that she would unofficially help out because it was obvious she had autism.

So, at the moment things are looking positive. Hopefully this time we will get a diagnosis. We’re also going to look at a potential secondary school for her next week - its smaller than the one she would normally go to (where my others go) and has a SEN unit that will hopefully be good for her as she wouldn’t cope in a normal sized secondary school.

In other news, I had a very minor car accident the other day. Not my fault, the other driver was in front of me and moved over to the other side of the road so I went to pass him and he suddenly started reversing and hit the side of me wrecking the side of my car. As it happened on the road I used to live I got C to drive me back home and as we were on our way we passed the man again and he did exactly the same thing - pulled over then suddenly reversed. He obviously doesn’t bother to look. Fortunately he missed us - can you imagine ringing the insurance company to tell them that the same bloke had hit me in exactly the same way just in a different car!!

The insurance company has provided me with a replacement until mine is fixed - a top of the range Landrover Discovery. Oh. My. God. It is amazing!!!! I love it and don’t want to give it back. I’ve had compliments on it wherever I’ve been. The kids love it too. I decided to have a look online to see how much one would be second hand. Now, I knew it would be out of my price range but I was totally shocked when I discovered it would be nearly £50k!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope my car takes months to get sorted out!

I’m sorry, I’m terrible at keeping this blog thing up to date aren’t I? I wish I was more disciplined and could write more often. It’s not as if I don’t often think of things to post but never get round to writing them.

So, what’s been happening since I last wrote? We’ve settled in to the new house really well. There are things I still have to buy. I was hoping to get beds for the children who need them this month (some of them are sleeping on airbeds at the moment) but once again they’ve had to go on hold as I’m going to have to buy oil for the heating instead, next month the car needs MOT-ing and taxing, then it’s Christmas…. This budgeting lark isn’t easy. I’m determined not to use any credit for anything so things have to wait, and it’s quite hard. Yes, I’m finally learning to live in the real world!!

It’s not easy this single parenthood lark. Some days it all gets a bit overwhelming, being totally responsible for everything and everyone. It would be so nice to be able to delegate some of it to someone else. To be able to pass some of the weight of it all over to someone else. I have a couple of very good friends that I can talk to, one who has been through a very similar situation and the other is just a very good friend who is always full of good advice and ready with a hug when I need one.

Most of the time though I love it, I love the independence and the possibilities that my life now has ahead of me. I don’t ever regret my decision - sometimes I think maybe I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known how hard it was when I’m having a bad day and feeling the pressure, but then I really don’t want my old life back either so I‘m glad I didn’t know. I don’t want to go back to constantly feeling the way I always did, or being married to someone who looks like a tramp and takes absolutely no care in how he looks (which I always felt was disrespectful).

I enjoy being single, and all the fun that comes from going out and enjoying myself. In some ways I’ve been given the chance to have the youth that I missed out on back as I was only 19 when I had my first child.

In other news - Millie is at the forefront of my mind at the moment. I’m trying again to get a diagnosis for her so we can access the help that’s available out there for her. I have had to apply for her secondary school place and it’s not been an easy decision like it was with the others. Her current school don’t think she will cope well in a mainstream secondary school (and I certainly don’t think she will) so I’m applying to a smaller school that has a SEN unit that I hope she will be able to achieve her potential. No, home education isn’t an option. End of.

I’m still going to the gym lots and still really enjoying it. I train with my personal trainer twice a week and am hoping to reach my target of being a size 8 before Christmas. I lost my focus with the diet when I moved and it’s taken me until last week to get it back but I am so determined I am going to do it that I will hopefully be posting here very soon that I reached my goal.

A blog I love

I used to read lots of blogs but over time I've stopped reading many of them. This is one of my favourites though: http://andyinamsterdam.com/?p=778 I love the way he writes, he almost always makes me laugh (except when he is being serious), I would love to meet him for an evening of knitting. If I ever go back to Amsterdam I am definately going to find out which knitting group he goes to and go along. And if you're reading this Andy, I promise I'm not a crazy mad stalker!! :-)

For a while now I have alluded to something going on in my life that I couldn’t really talk about then. But now I can.

I’ve said before about blogs only showing the side of the writers life that they want you to see and that while the reader may be imagining a wonderfully rosy life where everything is perfect (and wishing theirs was so) I’m sure that often it isn’t as shiny as it seems.

I have no idea what kind of image my blog portrays of my life, it’s hard to know when you’re the one writing, but if any of you readers has thought my life is wonderful and perfect with all my lovely children then you’re mistaken.

In February I split up with my husband. Yes, after 17 years of marriage I couldn’t live as unhappily as I was any longer and I told him it was over. We lived in the same house until about 3 weeks ago when I moved out into my own place. I am loving the new pad, I love being able to relax, to live life the way I want to and not have to worry about anyone else (apart from the children of course).

The children love the new house too. We have a huge garden for them to run round in and there are horses in the field behind the house which has delighted the girls no end. They keep asking me to make friends with the owners in the hopes they will be allowed to stroke them.

It’s not all been easy. There has been an awful lot for me to sort out all by myself which was a daunting task at first but as I have done each thing I have felt a mounting sense of pride and achievement (who knew that sorting out house insurance all by yourself could be so exciting???) Sometimes it has felt that it would be so much easier not to move, to just let things carry on the way they were, but with the encouragement and help of a special friend I have done it and am so glad I have.

So, I am now a single mother of 8 and looking forward to the next chapter of my life.

And in case you’re wondering, things are pretty amicable between me and the ex. Yes, we have our flare ups but on the whole things are good and I hope they stay that way, for the sake of the children if nothing else. I hope we can remain friends as it will make life so much more pleasant.

As part of the clear out I have back issues of The Mother magazine from issue 2 to the present for sale. I would prefer to sell them as one lot. Please email me if you’re interested (or leave a comment on here if you don’t have my email address and I’ll contact you). Also back issues of Juno magazine from issue 1 onwards.

My last posting was about shoes, it made me laugh because today I bought another gorgeous pair of shoes. I don’t think I will be able to walk far in them. While I was trying them on a voice said “they’re not going to be much use in the gym!” I looked up to see one of the receptionists next to me and I joked about wearing them on the treadmill. Then she said “are you going to save them for the bedroom??” A bit of a loaded question really all things considered.

Killer heels or what? I’m wondering if another rather rude term would apply to them too? If you are a Sex and The City fan you will probably know which one I mean!!


I love them and they were a bargain - should have been £89 but in the sale they were only £29. I really need cheering up at the moment. A lot is going on in my life and not good. Things are getting to a point where I cannot see a way out of my situation and it is very hard, but if a pair of shoes can make me feel a little bit better then it was £29 well worth spending.


I am hoping that my next post will have some good news in it and that I will then be able to share with you what is going on at the moment. Please cross everything.


I kept promising a fabric/sewing stuff/craft stuff clear out didn’t I? Well, I finally listed some of the stuff. There is still loads to go but I got to the point where I was losing the will to live with it all. Unlisted is Killington flannel, burley knit terry, loads of flannels in different colours and prints, loads of PRR, just generally loads of fabrics so if there is something you are particularly after please email me at foreverj2@yahoo.co.uk I also have loads of craft stuff - mostly scrap booking, again if there is anything you’re after let me know and I will see if I have it. I do intend to get it listed at some point but it may be a few weeks. I also have a dressmakers dummy still for sale, £30. Again, let me know if you’d like it. The link to what did get listed is here:


http://www.flickr.com/photos/31415256@N00/


Please email me about anything you want - please don’t leave comments on the photos. I haven’t got the time to keep checking through them. Sorry to be blunt. I will also only take paypal and payment must be within 24 hours, again, sorry to be blunt but I desperately need the money asap (it will become clear why soon, when I feel I can post about it). Don’t waste my time by asking for stuff, a postage price (I have to gather it all together, pack it then weigh it) and then change your mind. Again I don’t have the time to be messing around.

Sometimes a girl just has to treat herself to a new pair of shoes and these arrived today. They are a lot higher than they look but really comfortable (from the 5 minutes I had them on for when they arrived. I may wish to retract that comment after 4 hours on the dance floor!!) I can’t wait to have an excuse to wear them!!!