Sunday, 24 October 2010

I’m sorry, I’m terrible at keeping this blog thing up to date aren’t I? I wish I was more disciplined and could write more often. It’s not as if I don’t often think of things to post but never get round to writing them.

So, what’s been happening since I last wrote? We’ve settled in to the new house really well. There are things I still have to buy. I was hoping to get beds for the children who need them this month (some of them are sleeping on airbeds at the moment) but once again they’ve had to go on hold as I’m going to have to buy oil for the heating instead, next month the car needs MOT-ing and taxing, then it’s Christmas…. This budgeting lark isn’t easy. I’m determined not to use any credit for anything so things have to wait, and it’s quite hard. Yes, I’m finally learning to live in the real world!!

It’s not easy this single parenthood lark. Some days it all gets a bit overwhelming, being totally responsible for everything and everyone. It would be so nice to be able to delegate some of it to someone else. To be able to pass some of the weight of it all over to someone else. I have a couple of very good friends that I can talk to, one who has been through a very similar situation and the other is just a very good friend who is always full of good advice and ready with a hug when I need one.

Most of the time though I love it, I love the independence and the possibilities that my life now has ahead of me. I don’t ever regret my decision - sometimes I think maybe I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known how hard it was when I’m having a bad day and feeling the pressure, but then I really don’t want my old life back either so I‘m glad I didn’t know. I don’t want to go back to constantly feeling the way I always did, or being married to someone who looks like a tramp and takes absolutely no care in how he looks (which I always felt was disrespectful).

I enjoy being single, and all the fun that comes from going out and enjoying myself. In some ways I’ve been given the chance to have the youth that I missed out on back as I was only 19 when I had my first child.

In other news - Millie is at the forefront of my mind at the moment. I’m trying again to get a diagnosis for her so we can access the help that’s available out there for her. I have had to apply for her secondary school place and it’s not been an easy decision like it was with the others. Her current school don’t think she will cope well in a mainstream secondary school (and I certainly don’t think she will) so I’m applying to a smaller school that has a SEN unit that I hope she will be able to achieve her potential. No, home education isn’t an option. End of.

I’m still going to the gym lots and still really enjoying it. I train with my personal trainer twice a week and am hoping to reach my target of being a size 8 before Christmas. I lost my focus with the diet when I moved and it’s taken me until last week to get it back but I am so determined I am going to do it that I will hopefully be posting here very soon that I reached my goal.