Once again it's my favourite time of year, September and the beginning of Autumn. And once again it's been months since I last wrote anything.

I do have a good excuse this time though, honest!! Back in June one of the children knocked a glass of water over on the coffee table on which was sitting my laptop. No prizes for guessing what happened next!! Fortunately I'm covered on my house insurance for accidental damage so my laptop went off to be looked at, was declared to be FUBAR and for the cost of my excess I have got a new laptop. Eventually. I was told it would arrive within 7-10 days but 4 weeks later I still hadn't received it. Turned out the courier had lost it so another one was despatched and it finally arrived on Thursday.

I used to spend an inordinate amount of time on my laptop, checking facebook, reading the many blogs I followed, on eBay etc etc but nearly 3 months without has meant I've kind of done cold turkey and I have hardly touched the new one. I can't remember the names of most of the blogs I followed either. I also have a bit of a problem typing. I've got so used to using the keypad on my BlackBerry (and the way it auto corrects my words and adds commas and full stops for me automatically) I'm struggling slightly to get used to proper typing again, lol

I'm still loving my "new" car. Every time I look out of the window at it I feel a real sense of pride about it.

I've been in the house for over a year now. I still love it here, although I kind of wish I owned it so I could decorate it and make a few changes to it.

I've taken up a new hobby as well. As a child I always wanted to learn to horse ride and to have my own horse. About 13 years ago I finally started having riding lessons and really enjoyed it until one day the horse I was on was spooked by something and took off down the sand school at a gallop with me hanging on for dear life. I was still trying to master canter at that stage so galloping was a bit too fast. I had one more lesson after that but hated it so much I never went back.

Ellie has always had a love of horses (she was a few months old when I had those lessons back then) and always wanted to learn to ride. She'd had a couple of lessons on holiday at Center Parcs and had done an "own a pony" day at a local riding school but her dream of having regular lessons didn't come true until last year when her school started up a riding club on a Monday night at a local equestrian centre. She's loved it and got several rosettes and a certificate for being the most improved rider in the club.

I've been a bit jealous, wishing I could have some lessons again too. Back in April or May I promised her and Sophie riding lessons in the summer holidays. A couple of weeks ago I realised that the holidays were nearly over and I couldn't break my promise so I got them booked in. Ellie said she was scared about having a lesson all by herself so I said I'd do it with her....

I've had two lessons and absolutely loved it!! It was so good to be back on a horse again after all that time. I wasn't at all nervous about it either. So we're going to have regular lessons. Sadly because of the cost they wont be as regular as we would like but anything is better than nothing. Sophie had never been on a horse before but was declared a natural and has spoken about nothing else since. So that's three of us that are now horse mad!!

One of our neighbours has some stables being built on part of their land behind my house and I asked if they would be renting any of them out when they are finished. She said they may do.... To get to the stables you have to go through our garden so it wouldn't be far to go. At the moment it's just a dream but one that could possibly come true.

I've also got something very exciting happening in November. I start an OU course in History! I really can't wait, I want to get started right now. It's given me a boost to start reading again which is good as I do miss reading. To further help this I've joined a local book club as well - it's a good way of meeting new people and getting me out of the house.

Another bit of news, and good news at that, is that we finally, after so many years of fighting, have got a diagnosis for Millie. It's not autism or aspergers which in some ways is a relief, it's attachment disorder. Are you asking yourself "what's attachment disorder?" That is possibly going to be a problem when it comes to getting her further help at school. The psychologist said that Millie needs to be statemented asap and she needs to have a one to one assistant with her all day at school. I just hope we don't have to fight too hard to get it for her (I know, I know, with budgets the way they are it's unlikely it's going to be easy or even possible). Attachment disorder doesn't sound very serious does it? But when you have to live with it you realise it actually is.

So, that's my quick update.

Another long gap between postings. So, what’s the latest?

I have got a new car. When I moved out because my Picasso wasn’t big enough for all the children C and I shared cars. Whichever one of us had the children had his Previa and the one without the children had my Picasso. Neither of us liked this arrangement, it was a real nuisance but until I could get mine sold and buy a new one we didn’t have a lot of choice.

Well, a couple of weeks ago I found a potential candidate on eBay, got in touch with the dealer, went to see it, came to an agreement over part exchange etc and I drove away with a very nice Ford Galaxy Zetec. So far I love it. Yes, it’s a bit scratched (but what difference does that make to how a car runs?) and it smelt of cigarette smoke (which an air freshener has sorted out) but it’s mine, all mine. I don’t have to share it, I can get the children in it and it’s given me a big boost to my confidence knowing that I sorted it all out by myself.

Being independent has been something that I have gotten used to now and I am loving it. To the extent that I really hate it when people offer to do things for me. Even if it’s something I’m really struggling with. It took me nearly a week to work out how to put Amos’s toddler bed together. For some reason I just couldn’t get the screws to go in and I couldn’t for the life of me work out why. Eventually I managed it but there was no way I was taking up the offer of help with it. I’ve built bunk beds, wardrobes, drawers and double beds all by myself so there was no way a simple toddler bed was going to defeat me!!

I’m also loving the time on my own when the children aren’t here. It’s so nice to be able to relax in the evening with a DVD or whatever I feel like doing. I’m kind of seeing someone, it’s a very casual thing, but it really suits me. We see each other maybe once or twice a week and go away together from time to time but the rest of the time is my own. I really couldn’t be doing with someone wanting to be with me all the time. I like my own company too much now - not that I get to spend much time on my own. I tend to be out and about all day and into the evening. I can see myself being single forever.

In a couple of weeks I’m going to be a witness at my best friends wedding. I can’t wait. I think I’m nearly as excited as the bride herself. I’ve been involved in the planning right from the start so I really feel part of it. I was so chuffed when she asked me to be her witness. I’m thinking more of a Pippa Middleton role though!! When we went to the shop so she could try dresses on back in January I couldn’t resist trying one myself. It was absolutely gorgeous!!

Last week for her hen night we went for a fish pedicure. Oh my goodness!! It was really weird at first and I didn’t like it. We were booked in for 15 minutes each but I ended up having half an hour because I ended up enjoying it so much. Definitely going again for another one!!

I haven’t written anything for absolutely ages again. Not that there has been a great amount to tell really.

There has been progress with getting a diagnosis for Millie. She’s being statemented and is going to be re-assessed later in the year. She’s going to the school we hoped she would get into which is smaller than the other option and has a very good SEN provision. So things are positive on that front.

All the other children are fine. Amos is now 2 - it’s gone by so quickly. He’s such a sweet little thing most of the time (yes, he has his moments!!) and is getting really chatty. He loves In The Night Garden, and would sit and watch it all day if he could. He loves his books as well which is really cute.

Jack (6) was assessed recently and has a reading age of an 11.5 year old. Alfie and Sophie are both ahead of where they should be too which is fantastic.

We’ve really settled into the “new” house now as well which is nice. At the moment I’m thinking we’re going to be here for a good few years.

Last week I went up to Manchester for a few days which was a nice break. I stayed in a really nice apartment just off Deansgate so nice and close to the centre of the city. I met up with my best friend from school. We havent seen each other for 17 years, and fell out back then over something or other. We got back in touch a couple of years ago through Friends Reunited and finally met up again last week.

I met her in a Starbucks and when she walked in neither of us spoke, we just gave each other a massive hug and burst into tears. Most of the day was spent with us hugging, crying and saying “I can’t believe it”. It was lovely, and we have vowed that it won’t be another 17 years before we get together again. It didn’t feel like 17 years, we sat and just chatted easily as if it had only been last week that we’d last seen each other.

Well, what a year!!

I’ve just read the postings for January 2010, before everything changed, and I really had no idea just what a massive year it was going to be for my life.

It’s been amazing. It’s been tough at times too, but I don’t regret my decision. I’m looking forward to 2011 and hope it’s going to be even better.

Christmas was good - C came over for the day and it was a lovely day for everyone I hope. No fighting or arguing, just a really nice family day.

I hope your 2011 is a good one and I will try and blog at least semi-regularly!!

Dressember

There's a group of us taking part in a challenge called Dressember. The idea is to wear a dress (or skirt) every day in December. If you'd like to find out more, or better still join us, have a look here: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dressember/125734977487362


I've set up another blog to chart my progress in the challenge as well as to post about other clothes, shoes etc (basically girly stuff) in the future. You can find it here: http://tuesdayshoesday.blogspot.com/

When I moved out of the marital home we were really surprised at how well Millie had taken it all. I’d expected her to react badly to the changes but she seemed to be absolutely fine. And when she went back to school all seemed well too.

Of course, it didn’t last! Her behaviour has got worse and worse. Her meltdowns became more frequent and I was seeing a lot more of her “behaviours” at home. Meltdowns are starting first thing in the morning and she is spending a lot of time out of the classroom because she can’t cope with being in there. It’s awful to see her the way she’s gone. School are fantastic, she has a one to one who spends a lot of time with her and they have a table set up in the corridor outside the classroom for her with colouring, pens, plasticine etc for her. But it’s getting to the point where they can’t cope either and she’s coming home at lunchtime when her one to one goes home.

I took her to the doctors to ask them to refer her again to try and get a diagnosis. The school wrote a letter to back up the request as well. We have an appointment on 1st December and the one to one is going to come with us as well to explain what happens at school which I obviously don’t see.

She’s also got the ed psych going into school to see her to give his opinion. Someone from Autism Outreach saw her at school - she had said that she wasn’t able to offer any help until Millie had a diagnosis but then Millie had one of her meltdowns and she said that she would unofficially help out because it was obvious she had autism.

So, at the moment things are looking positive. Hopefully this time we will get a diagnosis. We’re also going to look at a potential secondary school for her next week - its smaller than the one she would normally go to (where my others go) and has a SEN unit that will hopefully be good for her as she wouldn’t cope in a normal sized secondary school.

In other news, I had a very minor car accident the other day. Not my fault, the other driver was in front of me and moved over to the other side of the road so I went to pass him and he suddenly started reversing and hit the side of me wrecking the side of my car. As it happened on the road I used to live I got C to drive me back home and as we were on our way we passed the man again and he did exactly the same thing - pulled over then suddenly reversed. He obviously doesn’t bother to look. Fortunately he missed us - can you imagine ringing the insurance company to tell them that the same bloke had hit me in exactly the same way just in a different car!!

The insurance company has provided me with a replacement until mine is fixed - a top of the range Landrover Discovery. Oh. My. God. It is amazing!!!! I love it and don’t want to give it back. I’ve had compliments on it wherever I’ve been. The kids love it too. I decided to have a look online to see how much one would be second hand. Now, I knew it would be out of my price range but I was totally shocked when I discovered it would be nearly £50k!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope my car takes months to get sorted out!

I’m sorry, I’m terrible at keeping this blog thing up to date aren’t I? I wish I was more disciplined and could write more often. It’s not as if I don’t often think of things to post but never get round to writing them.

So, what’s been happening since I last wrote? We’ve settled in to the new house really well. There are things I still have to buy. I was hoping to get beds for the children who need them this month (some of them are sleeping on airbeds at the moment) but once again they’ve had to go on hold as I’m going to have to buy oil for the heating instead, next month the car needs MOT-ing and taxing, then it’s Christmas…. This budgeting lark isn’t easy. I’m determined not to use any credit for anything so things have to wait, and it’s quite hard. Yes, I’m finally learning to live in the real world!!

It’s not easy this single parenthood lark. Some days it all gets a bit overwhelming, being totally responsible for everything and everyone. It would be so nice to be able to delegate some of it to someone else. To be able to pass some of the weight of it all over to someone else. I have a couple of very good friends that I can talk to, one who has been through a very similar situation and the other is just a very good friend who is always full of good advice and ready with a hug when I need one.

Most of the time though I love it, I love the independence and the possibilities that my life now has ahead of me. I don’t ever regret my decision - sometimes I think maybe I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known how hard it was when I’m having a bad day and feeling the pressure, but then I really don’t want my old life back either so I‘m glad I didn’t know. I don’t want to go back to constantly feeling the way I always did, or being married to someone who looks like a tramp and takes absolutely no care in how he looks (which I always felt was disrespectful).

I enjoy being single, and all the fun that comes from going out and enjoying myself. In some ways I’ve been given the chance to have the youth that I missed out on back as I was only 19 when I had my first child.

In other news - Millie is at the forefront of my mind at the moment. I’m trying again to get a diagnosis for her so we can access the help that’s available out there for her. I have had to apply for her secondary school place and it’s not been an easy decision like it was with the others. Her current school don’t think she will cope well in a mainstream secondary school (and I certainly don’t think she will) so I’m applying to a smaller school that has a SEN unit that I hope she will be able to achieve her potential. No, home education isn’t an option. End of.

I’m still going to the gym lots and still really enjoying it. I train with my personal trainer twice a week and am hoping to reach my target of being a size 8 before Christmas. I lost my focus with the diet when I moved and it’s taken me until last week to get it back but I am so determined I am going to do it that I will hopefully be posting here very soon that I reached my goal.