For a while now I have alluded to something going on in my life that I couldn’t really talk about then. But now I can.

I’ve said before about blogs only showing the side of the writers life that they want you to see and that while the reader may be imagining a wonderfully rosy life where everything is perfect (and wishing theirs was so) I’m sure that often it isn’t as shiny as it seems.

I have no idea what kind of image my blog portrays of my life, it’s hard to know when you’re the one writing, but if any of you readers has thought my life is wonderful and perfect with all my lovely children then you’re mistaken.

In February I split up with my husband. Yes, after 17 years of marriage I couldn’t live as unhappily as I was any longer and I told him it was over. We lived in the same house until about 3 weeks ago when I moved out into my own place. I am loving the new pad, I love being able to relax, to live life the way I want to and not have to worry about anyone else (apart from the children of course).

The children love the new house too. We have a huge garden for them to run round in and there are horses in the field behind the house which has delighted the girls no end. They keep asking me to make friends with the owners in the hopes they will be allowed to stroke them.

It’s not all been easy. There has been an awful lot for me to sort out all by myself which was a daunting task at first but as I have done each thing I have felt a mounting sense of pride and achievement (who knew that sorting out house insurance all by yourself could be so exciting???) Sometimes it has felt that it would be so much easier not to move, to just let things carry on the way they were, but with the encouragement and help of a special friend I have done it and am so glad I have.

So, I am now a single mother of 8 and looking forward to the next chapter of my life.

And in case you’re wondering, things are pretty amicable between me and the ex. Yes, we have our flare ups but on the whole things are good and I hope they stay that way, for the sake of the children if nothing else. I hope we can remain friends as it will make life so much more pleasant.

As part of the clear out I have back issues of The Mother magazine from issue 2 to the present for sale. I would prefer to sell them as one lot. Please email me if you’re interested (or leave a comment on here if you don’t have my email address and I’ll contact you). Also back issues of Juno magazine from issue 1 onwards.

My last posting was about shoes, it made me laugh because today I bought another gorgeous pair of shoes. I don’t think I will be able to walk far in them. While I was trying them on a voice said “they’re not going to be much use in the gym!” I looked up to see one of the receptionists next to me and I joked about wearing them on the treadmill. Then she said “are you going to save them for the bedroom??” A bit of a loaded question really all things considered.

Killer heels or what? I’m wondering if another rather rude term would apply to them too? If you are a Sex and The City fan you will probably know which one I mean!!


I love them and they were a bargain - should have been £89 but in the sale they were only £29. I really need cheering up at the moment. A lot is going on in my life and not good. Things are getting to a point where I cannot see a way out of my situation and it is very hard, but if a pair of shoes can make me feel a little bit better then it was £29 well worth spending.


I am hoping that my next post will have some good news in it and that I will then be able to share with you what is going on at the moment. Please cross everything.


I kept promising a fabric/sewing stuff/craft stuff clear out didn’t I? Well, I finally listed some of the stuff. There is still loads to go but I got to the point where I was losing the will to live with it all. Unlisted is Killington flannel, burley knit terry, loads of flannels in different colours and prints, loads of PRR, just generally loads of fabrics so if there is something you are particularly after please email me at foreverj2@yahoo.co.uk I also have loads of craft stuff - mostly scrap booking, again if there is anything you’re after let me know and I will see if I have it. I do intend to get it listed at some point but it may be a few weeks. I also have a dressmakers dummy still for sale, £30. Again, let me know if you’d like it. The link to what did get listed is here:


http://www.flickr.com/photos/31415256@N00/


Please email me about anything you want - please don’t leave comments on the photos. I haven’t got the time to keep checking through them. Sorry to be blunt. I will also only take paypal and payment must be within 24 hours, again, sorry to be blunt but I desperately need the money asap (it will become clear why soon, when I feel I can post about it). Don’t waste my time by asking for stuff, a postage price (I have to gather it all together, pack it then weigh it) and then change your mind. Again I don’t have the time to be messing around.

Sometimes a girl just has to treat herself to a new pair of shoes and these arrived today. They are a lot higher than they look but really comfortable (from the 5 minutes I had them on for when they arrived. I may wish to retract that comment after 4 hours on the dance floor!!) I can’t wait to have an excuse to wear them!!!

Argh!!!!!!! I normally write my blog posts in a word document and then cut and paste it here to avoid losing my work as happened with my first ever blog posting. Typically last night I sat and wrote a longish post straight into Blogger and what happened? Yep, my laptop crashed and I lost it all.

I can't be arsed writing it all again, partly through sheer laziness and partly through feeling slightly worse for wear after a very good night out last night - it was one of those nights out where you really don't want to go but you drag yourself out anyway and then have a fantastic time. We were meant to be going to the cinema but ended up gatecrashing a BBQ (it was my friend's uncles BBQ and she had been there all day but we decided to go back there instead of seeing the film) and then we ended up going back to her cousins house for more drinks.

Anyway, the post was about how I have been a Pet Shop Boys fan since I was a teenager and how they always had a song that could have been written just for me. The soundtrack of my life would be mainly PSB songs. Even those days sat in my bedroom feeling depressed had a song that described my life to a T.

I recently got a new iPod and have put all the PSB albums on it and was amazed to find there was even a song for something that is going on in my life right now. I'm not going to share it here, as one of the lines says, "the world won't understand" but if you're that interested feel free to email me and I'll tell you.

If my laptop crashes before I post this I am going to cry. I wonder if they have a song about that????

I’ve recently started going out on a Saturday night with a friend. I really enjoy these (drunken!!) nights out, it’s great to get out and have a dance and just enjoy myself. My friend knows everyone it seems so we can’t go anywhere without her being stopped by someone - it’s like being out with a celeb!!

I went out on Saturday with her and was surprised to see the sky starting to get light behind us as we drove home (or rather, were driven home, I don’t drink and drive!!!) and it’s rekindled my thing about wanting to watch the sun rise again (if you’re a long time reader of this blog you may remember I had a thing about wanting to drive to Skegness to watch the sun rise over the sea). One day I will do it - maybe next time I’m out I’ll just not go home until after it’s risen.

If you know me then you’ll be most surprised to learn I sat out in the garden yesterday. I hate sitting in the garden, it’s really not my thing. I hate it when I go to friends houses and they want to sit outside. But, there I was, sunbathing, and getting a bit of colour. Ok, a bit too much colour…. I wont share any pics with you but just imagine a lobster wearing a white vest and you’ll get the idea!!!

But I actually enjoyed it and plan to do it more often. So much so that I bought a bikini today. Now, you will never ever see me in a bikini. As much weight as I have lost my legs and bottom are horrible and I will never let anyone see them. Hopefully they will tone up a bit more but the cellulite is pretty horrendous so I will keep it hidden in public!! I would like to sit in the garden in them and get a bit of a tan - and yes, I will be using sun cream from now on too. Bought a huge bottle of it today (and a bit bottle of after sun for my currently sore bits!!!)

We even sat outside and had dinner which was nice - we have bats living somewhere near us so it was lovely to watch them flitting about and listening to the birds getting ready to settle down for the night.

Five years ago we split our back garden in half so we could keep chickens. We didn’t mind too much losing the space as we have another garden down the side of the house for the children but as the chickens don’t actually need so much room (we only have three now) and because they don’t even stay in their pen anyway, they roam free, we decided to pull up the fencing and give them a much smaller pen and reclaim the lawn. It’s made the garden seem three times the size and it’s lovely to have it all back again. The children’s playhouse has gone on the concrete slab the chicken house was on (that’s moved into the far corner of the garden) and we have the whole patio back.

Hopefully this year I’ll spend more time out there and hopefully I’ll be a lovely shade of brown and not milk bottle white (or lobster red!!!!!)

I’ve got a tough week at the gym this week - my personal trainer is away so I have no one to motivate or push me (or sit and have a coffee and chat with either but I probably shouldn’t admit that bit, lol) I really enjoy my training sessions (I’m sure I’ve said it before). No matter how tough the workout is I still laugh most of the way through it. Hopefully I wont gain any weight this week as I’m changing my diet again. I was doing high protein/no carbs but I was getting to the point where I knew I was becoming scared of eating carbs ever again, they are too evil, so I’ve decided to reintroduce them and just watch the calories.

Did I mention last year we made our own wine? I finally tried some the other day - the pear one. Oh my goodness! It was gorgeous but very very strong. There will definitely be another dozen or so bottles made of that one again this year!!!

This week looked to be another normal quiet week on Monday. Amos had been coughing over the weekend but I didn’t think too much of it. I’m not one of those mothers who takes her kids to the docs at the first sniffle. My lot have to be really poorly before I’ll take them up there however by about 9pm I was really worried about his breathing as he seemed to be struggling so I decided to take him up to A&E. I thought he might have a chest infection or maybe asthma as he sounded like I did when I ended up in hospital when I was pregnant with him. Several hours in A&E and an x-ray later it was decided he just had croup and we were admitted to the children’s ward at 2am so they could keep an eye on him.

He was discharged in the morning and we were given some steroids to take home in case it happened again - we did need to give him a dose as he got bad again, but now he seems fine. He still has a nasty cough but he’s breathing ok. I am wondering if it’s asthma related as it happens at night more than during the day but that could also be because the phlegm is collecting in his chest because he’s lying down.

So that was our bit of excitement this week.

Not a lot else has been happening really. I know my last few posts have been really down, but I am so much happier this week. I woke up on Saturday morning feeling so much more positive about everything and the mood has lasted almost the whole time since (apart from when I was really tired after hardly any sleep on Monday night). Stuff is still going on here, things are still confusing, but I’m not as down about it all as I was.

Because I’ve lost so much weight I’ve bought myself some new gym gear - it’s really nice to go from wearing big baggy trousers and t-shirts to close fitting clothes and not feel like I look totally horrendous in them. I’m still not quite where I want to be but I’m getting there with the help of my personal trainer. I really enjoy the sessions training with him (although today I was begging him not to make me do any more and to let me spend the rest of the session recovering on the sofa. He said no.) and the results I’m getting are well worth the pain. No matter how much I’m hating the exercises I still find myself laughing all the way through it so I leave feeling positive (if knackered!!). It’s been great on those days where I’ve felt really stressed and miserable - I don’t have time to brood over whatever is going on so by the time I’ve finished I feel really relaxed and distressed.

I will post those photos one day. And I will get round to sorting out the craft stuff and fabric etc as well (I probably shouldn’t have posted anything about it until I’d actually done it should I????)