Sunday, 6 September 2009

On Friday I had my enrollment day at college. I was really nervous about going, but reminded myself that everyone else there would be feeling exactly the same. The morning was spent listening to different people talking about their roles in the college and how they could help us if we needed it, then we filled in the enrollments forms.

Before lunch we had to choose two taster sessions of lessons we might want to choose - I went to Sociology and English Lit, both options I’m going for as well as History. Because I have grades C and above in Maths and English I don’t have to do those modules as part of the Access course.

I’m one of very few of the 200 or so people who were there who has to pay for the course because I did a BTEC First Diploma nearly 20 years ago. If I hadn’t declared it and kept quiet about it I’d have got the course free, sometimes honesty doesn’t pay (unfortunately I’m one of those people who is too honest and can’t lie about anything). They did tell me I could pay in instalments which was fine, until they said that the first instalment is due next week and the second one on the 2nd October. Eeek! I thought they meant instalments over the course of the next 10 months.

The afternoon was spent queuing up to enrol. A voice in my head kept telling me it wasn’t too late, I could turn round and walk out but I did sign up and I’m now officially a student.

Do you get the feeling I’m not quite as excited by it as I should be?? Part of me is saying don’t do it this year, wait until Alfie is at school and Amos is that little bit older. Alfie starts next September. This new school year is the last one I will have with him at home. By next year Amos will be 18 months old.

But, it’s only 15 hours a week for the next 9 months. It’s not huge amount of time. I don’t get the timetable until tomorrow so I don’t know what days and times I will be expected to be in. And I’ll be doing the homework after they’ve gone to bed at night. Oh hell, what do I do??

I’ve always been at home for my other children, I’ve always thought it’s important, so I feel guilty that I won’t be there for the youngest two.

I suspect you’ll be reading a post from me in a few days saying that I pulled out of the course and I’ll be doing it next September instead. Or maybe never. If I do carry on this year I won’t be starting my degree next year, I’m going to defer that for a year or two.

No other news really. We (ok, Craig and Robbie) picked loads of the apples and plums yesterday. The pears still aren’t quite ready but I think they will be in a week or so. Hopefully we’ll get out to go blackberry picking today - if there’ any left, we’ve left it a bit late this year. We need to pick some of the bramleys at the front as well.

3 comments:

Beth said...

Well done for enrolling!
I'm sure you will be fine.
It's daunting for anyone. I'm starting a course with OU in Jan. By that point I'll have a 2 month old (if Dot arrives on time).
(HUGS)
B

Cybèle said...

Why not give it a few months to see how you get on with it? I went back to work parttime when I. was three months old, and despite reservations it worked out fine. If you try it for a few months and it doesn't work out, then at least you've tried it - if you pull out now, you may forever be wondering 'would I have managed?' To me it sounds really exciting and you've got me browsing the OU website!

Pippa said...

Aw, I really feel for you. I know how difficult it is to get your head out of 'mum-mode' and think seriously about something that might give you a lot of enjoyment.

My advice I think would be to go for it, because I think it would do you good, change of scenery etc and if it's only for 9 months over 15 hours a week, I doubt it will hurt anybody. I know you said you were at home for your other babies, but you'll hardly be away much for this course and they'll be at home with their dad. I know it's really hard, but sit down and be really honest with yourself about why you would like to do this course and what is making you feel uneasy. You deserve to be happy as well you know and your younger children will be fine.