Argh!!!!!!! I normally write my blog posts in a word document and then cut and paste it here to avoid losing my work as happened with my first ever blog posting. Typically last night I sat and wrote a longish post straight into Blogger and what happened? Yep, my laptop crashed and I lost it all.

I can't be arsed writing it all again, partly through sheer laziness and partly through feeling slightly worse for wear after a very good night out last night - it was one of those nights out where you really don't want to go but you drag yourself out anyway and then have a fantastic time. We were meant to be going to the cinema but ended up gatecrashing a BBQ (it was my friend's uncles BBQ and she had been there all day but we decided to go back there instead of seeing the film) and then we ended up going back to her cousins house for more drinks.

Anyway, the post was about how I have been a Pet Shop Boys fan since I was a teenager and how they always had a song that could have been written just for me. The soundtrack of my life would be mainly PSB songs. Even those days sat in my bedroom feeling depressed had a song that described my life to a T.

I recently got a new iPod and have put all the PSB albums on it and was amazed to find there was even a song for something that is going on in my life right now. I'm not going to share it here, as one of the lines says, "the world won't understand" but if you're that interested feel free to email me and I'll tell you.

If my laptop crashes before I post this I am going to cry. I wonder if they have a song about that????

I’ve recently started going out on a Saturday night with a friend. I really enjoy these (drunken!!) nights out, it’s great to get out and have a dance and just enjoy myself. My friend knows everyone it seems so we can’t go anywhere without her being stopped by someone - it’s like being out with a celeb!!

I went out on Saturday with her and was surprised to see the sky starting to get light behind us as we drove home (or rather, were driven home, I don’t drink and drive!!!) and it’s rekindled my thing about wanting to watch the sun rise again (if you’re a long time reader of this blog you may remember I had a thing about wanting to drive to Skegness to watch the sun rise over the sea). One day I will do it - maybe next time I’m out I’ll just not go home until after it’s risen.

If you know me then you’ll be most surprised to learn I sat out in the garden yesterday. I hate sitting in the garden, it’s really not my thing. I hate it when I go to friends houses and they want to sit outside. But, there I was, sunbathing, and getting a bit of colour. Ok, a bit too much colour…. I wont share any pics with you but just imagine a lobster wearing a white vest and you’ll get the idea!!!

But I actually enjoyed it and plan to do it more often. So much so that I bought a bikini today. Now, you will never ever see me in a bikini. As much weight as I have lost my legs and bottom are horrible and I will never let anyone see them. Hopefully they will tone up a bit more but the cellulite is pretty horrendous so I will keep it hidden in public!! I would like to sit in the garden in them and get a bit of a tan - and yes, I will be using sun cream from now on too. Bought a huge bottle of it today (and a bit bottle of after sun for my currently sore bits!!!)

We even sat outside and had dinner which was nice - we have bats living somewhere near us so it was lovely to watch them flitting about and listening to the birds getting ready to settle down for the night.

Five years ago we split our back garden in half so we could keep chickens. We didn’t mind too much losing the space as we have another garden down the side of the house for the children but as the chickens don’t actually need so much room (we only have three now) and because they don’t even stay in their pen anyway, they roam free, we decided to pull up the fencing and give them a much smaller pen and reclaim the lawn. It’s made the garden seem three times the size and it’s lovely to have it all back again. The children’s playhouse has gone on the concrete slab the chicken house was on (that’s moved into the far corner of the garden) and we have the whole patio back.

Hopefully this year I’ll spend more time out there and hopefully I’ll be a lovely shade of brown and not milk bottle white (or lobster red!!!!!)

I’ve got a tough week at the gym this week - my personal trainer is away so I have no one to motivate or push me (or sit and have a coffee and chat with either but I probably shouldn’t admit that bit, lol) I really enjoy my training sessions (I’m sure I’ve said it before). No matter how tough the workout is I still laugh most of the way through it. Hopefully I wont gain any weight this week as I’m changing my diet again. I was doing high protein/no carbs but I was getting to the point where I knew I was becoming scared of eating carbs ever again, they are too evil, so I’ve decided to reintroduce them and just watch the calories.

Did I mention last year we made our own wine? I finally tried some the other day - the pear one. Oh my goodness! It was gorgeous but very very strong. There will definitely be another dozen or so bottles made of that one again this year!!!

This week looked to be another normal quiet week on Monday. Amos had been coughing over the weekend but I didn’t think too much of it. I’m not one of those mothers who takes her kids to the docs at the first sniffle. My lot have to be really poorly before I’ll take them up there however by about 9pm I was really worried about his breathing as he seemed to be struggling so I decided to take him up to A&E. I thought he might have a chest infection or maybe asthma as he sounded like I did when I ended up in hospital when I was pregnant with him. Several hours in A&E and an x-ray later it was decided he just had croup and we were admitted to the children’s ward at 2am so they could keep an eye on him.

He was discharged in the morning and we were given some steroids to take home in case it happened again - we did need to give him a dose as he got bad again, but now he seems fine. He still has a nasty cough but he’s breathing ok. I am wondering if it’s asthma related as it happens at night more than during the day but that could also be because the phlegm is collecting in his chest because he’s lying down.

So that was our bit of excitement this week.

Not a lot else has been happening really. I know my last few posts have been really down, but I am so much happier this week. I woke up on Saturday morning feeling so much more positive about everything and the mood has lasted almost the whole time since (apart from when I was really tired after hardly any sleep on Monday night). Stuff is still going on here, things are still confusing, but I’m not as down about it all as I was.

Because I’ve lost so much weight I’ve bought myself some new gym gear - it’s really nice to go from wearing big baggy trousers and t-shirts to close fitting clothes and not feel like I look totally horrendous in them. I’m still not quite where I want to be but I’m getting there with the help of my personal trainer. I really enjoy the sessions training with him (although today I was begging him not to make me do any more and to let me spend the rest of the session recovering on the sofa. He said no.) and the results I’m getting are well worth the pain. No matter how much I’m hating the exercises I still find myself laughing all the way through it so I leave feeling positive (if knackered!!). It’s been great on those days where I’ve felt really stressed and miserable - I don’t have time to brood over whatever is going on so by the time I’ve finished I feel really relaxed and distressed.

I will post those photos one day. And I will get round to sorting out the craft stuff and fabric etc as well (I probably shouldn’t have posted anything about it until I’d actually done it should I????)

My last post said I was going to be listing all my fabrics etc soon didn’t it? I know, I just haven’t got round to it. Partly because there is so much I can’t face it. If you’re waiting for me to list stuff and you have an idea of what you want then please contact me at foreverj2 at aoldotcom (I’m sure you can work out what you need to put in the address box!?)

I have flannels, knits, velour, fleece, linen, loads of stuff. Also the dressmakers dummy is in need of a new home. As far as I can tell it has never been used and I never got round to using it but now it’s too big for me as I have lost a lot of weight this last few weeks through stress and the high protein diet. Also, snap press, snaps (hundreds of snaps!!), threads, zips, etc etc The sewing machine and over locker will be listed when I get round to it too.

I’m also selling my craft stuff and I have so much of that again I just can’t face it. I have a bind-it-all and loads of accessories that I would like to sell as a set, a dreamkuts, a Big Shot as well as a couple of alphabets and other dies for it, most of it is hardly used. Lots of other bits and pieces as well, lots of K&Co stuff so if you’re after anything from that range let me know and I’ll see if I have it.

One day I might be able to face up to getting it all out and photographing it but not at the moment. If there is anything you’re looking for just ask and I might have it.

I can’t believe I didn’t post all of last month. I had an entry half written that I kept going back to and not being able to finish. I deleted it and am starting again.

My new job is going well. I can’t remember if I mentioned it in my last post? It’s in a lovely coffee shop and deli in town. It’s only 12 hours a week but that’s just what I want, not too much so I can spend more time with the children.

I’m still going to the gym and losing weight. I’ve still got about another stone to go and then maybe I will post my before, during and after pictures - or maybe not. The first one is really embarrassing, I can’t believe I looked so awful.

I know I’ve said before about blogs often only showing the nice side of peoples lives and not the not so nice side. Maybe the reason I haven’t posted is because of what’s been going on at home, its been hard to be positive and smiley.

I’m not going to publicly announce it at the moment. I have no idea who is reading this. But I suspect this maybe one of my last posts on this blog for sometime now.

Remember the dressmakers dummy I bought a while ago? It’s now too big for me because I’ve lost so much weight. Would anyone like to buy it? £30 plus postage if you need it sent to you (would probably be around £10.50 via parcel force). I could really do with the space.

As I said before, I am having a massive clearout soon. I still haven’t got round to listing everything yet. I need the money and I need to get rid of almost everything I own for personal reasons. Please help me when I finally get round to listing it by taking it off my hands.