I thought I'd post a nice update with some photos tonight. As I mentioned in a previous entry me and the girls have been having riding lessons and are loving it. I ride a horse called Morris and I love him. So much so I even find myself feeling jealous when I take Sophie up there for her lessons and see someone else on him.

Sophie loves riding Misty and Ellie loves Mini Murphy.

Our dream now is to own our own pony which at the moment isn't something that I can afford to do so I'm looking into loaning a pony. Finger crossed......

I suppose blogs are the modern day equivalent of paper diaries, the main difference being that by putting it online you know other people will read it. However, just like the “secret diaries” of old, if you go reading someone else’s and you see something about yourself that you don’t like then it serves you right for being nosey (unless the writer specifically asked you to read it).

Blogs and diaries are a place for the writer to vent if they need to. I will write whatever I like about whoever I like. If I want to vent about someone or something then I will. There are only a handful of people who were invited to read my blog, and there are a few friends who have come to the blog in other ways and you are all welcome. Maybe you’ve found the blog by accident? Then you’re welcome here too. But maybe you are one of the few who have found the blog and read it simply to find out what I am saying, and to find out if I’m writing about them. You (and you know exactly who you are) are not welcome here. Just like listening in to a private conversation you might hear things you don’t like and if you do, well, you shouldn’t have been earwigging so you have no right to go running back to anyone crying that “Lucie said this about me, boo hoo, isn’t she horrible???”

Nor do you have any right to go bringing up things from my blog from the past that have nothing to do with you.

Now, if you’re reading this and wondering what the hell I’m on about then you can be safe in the knowledge I’m not talking about you. If you’re reading this and you do know exactly what I’m talking about then you read on at your peril.

I split up with my ex nearly 2 years ago. Things hadn’t been going well for a long time and we were both unhappy long before I told him it was over. Things were very unpleasant at first. Despite the effort to be civil to each other for the sake of the children the tension and nastiness didn’t always stay under the surface and we both said stuff to hurt and upset the other. And we both said stuff to other people about the other that wasn’t nice. He told some really awful lies about me in emails etc to the various women he was in contact with last year such as that I had had affairs and wasn’t to be trusted to look after my own children. All total and utter rubbish but he said them because he wanted to hurt me.

However things have improved massively and I think we can both now say we are genuinely friends with the other. The nastiness is behind us. We’ve closed the door on it and moved on as we are both adults. It’s nothing to do with anyone else and it’s not something that either of us are going to bring up and most certainly not use it as ammunition in an argument which would be incredibly childish of us wouldn’t it? And it would be incredibly childish and totally inappropriate of someone else to bring it up wouldn’t it?????

Both of us have moved on in our lives. We’ve both had other relationships. He has been seeing someone for about a year now and I have never had a problem with that. There have been a number of things that I could have kicked up a fuss about but I never have because I haven’t wanted to cause trouble.

Despite the fact that we are no longer together the biggest thing that we both agree on and are both adamant about is that the children are our number one priority. They come first. They come before anything or anyone else. New partners included!! And as part of that, to ensure they are happy and to help them accept the situation, he and I are determined to stay on the best terms we can. That means we are friends. We’ll chat, we’re there for each other if one of us is ill or needs help or whatever. We went for a meal for my birthday the other week.

We were together for 18 years, you can’t be together for that long and not care about each other. Not in any way other than as friends. You care about your friends don’t you? It doesn’t mean you want to sleep with them does it? It means nothing other than you care about them.

Unfortunately a certain person doesn’t like this. She doesn’t like me and C being friends. She doesn’t care about our children’s feelings or their welfare. She doesn’t care that the best thing for them is that their parents are friends. She doesn’t like that they come first to their father. If she didn’t have a child of her own you could maybe understand her not being able to see that children are the priority but she does have a child herself - although from what I can gather she spends very little time with him and is quite happy to dump him off on other people so she can do her own thing - so maybe doesn’t have that maternal instinct that most other women have.

C added me as a friend on facebook. Now I may be wrong but surely he has the right to be friends with whoever he likes on there including his ex? Obviously not, judging by the fuss that kicked off which got even worse when C and I became neighbours in the Sims game on there. Now I have to admit I’m not really into games so wouldn’t normally have started playing something on Facebook but the children were desperate for me to play something with them and I couldn’t work out how to play Horse Academy so The Sims it was. I’m going to assume that you know the game and that you go and visit your neighbours and become friends with them and send them items they need etc etc all as part of the game.

So, I’m playing it and all is quiet until C tells me there has been an almighty row over me sending him a request in the game. Apparently it means I want to get back together with him. Does the fact I am “dating” my 8 year old daughter in the game mean I want an incestuous relationship with her??? No!! Of course it doesn’t. and I sent the same request to my 15 year old son. Again does it mean anything more than just being part of a facebook game??? No.

Notice I keep mentioning the word “game” over and again. This person obviously spends so much time on her computer that she cannot tell the difference between a game (which isn’t real) and the big wide world outside her bedroom which is real. She’s obviously very immature mentally because she spends so much time playing games and she is in her 40’s (I’m not sure exactly how old but judging from what I have seen of her I would say mid to late 40s). Most women have more important things to do than playing computer games don’t they? Real life means there is washing and housework, shopping and cooking etc to do. Mind you, she still lives with her parents which is quite worrying as well at that age. C hasn't said much to me about it but from what he has said I think she has some serious mental issues which make me concerned about the safety of my children.

So, for a quiet life C leaves the game and unfriends me again. How ridiculous is that? That he can’t be friends with who he likes or play a game he wants to play because of her immaturity and jealousy. And yet she claimed that she doesn’t have a problem with him being friends or talking to whoever he likes….. Er, yeah, whatever love.

Now surely that should have been the end of it? Ohhh no. She then decides to slag me off on her facebook account which I would probably have been totally oblivious to had it not been for the fact she was friends with my children on facebook and one of them had left the computer logged into her facebook account and it was there in the middle of the screen in her news feed.

Now, by all means slag me off on facebook but NOT where my children can see it. What kind of a person does something like that??? She has already upset them loads with stuff she has posted on there. I've had enough of seeing them upset by her. Whatever problem you have with someone you keep it away from their children. Again, it shows how immature and insensitive she is.

All this time I’ve kept quiet. I’d told C how ridiculous I thought she was being over the game, but seeing her post on FB was the final straw so I put something on my FB that she would only see if she was snooping around looking at my profile as it was set to private until that point and I made this particular post public. And yes, she was of course snooping around. What did I say at the start of this post about being nosey?? You’ll likely hear or see something about yourself that you don’t like. And off she goes, kicking off again.

So C has a go at her about it, tells her not to go looking at my profile and to stop trying to cause trouble. He has got health issues at the moment and asked her to keep things calm for him at the moment because the last thing he needs is her having a go at him over pathetic things.

Many years ago he had a big fall out with his parents which resulted in him not speaking to them or having any contact with him. I’d always said that if he decided he did want to get back in touch then he should do and I would be 100% behind him but he never wanted to. He changed his mind last year and has seen them a few times and recently decided he wanted to introduce the children to them. I said I would like to go along as well as it would be nice to see them again and also because it would be a major thing for the children to meet their grandparents for the first time as they didn’t know they even existed.

Guess who didn’t like this??? Yep. For some reason she seems to think she had some right to be there instead. I really cannot see why she should. They’re not her children, and they’re not her in-laws.

So, off we went on Saturday to see them. It was a lovely day. It was really nice to see my in-laws again after all these years and it was nice to see the children meeting them for the first time as well. During the day I posted on FB something along the lines of “having a lovely day with C, the children and their grandparents in Scarborough”. When we got back my mother-in-law and I became friends on FB and the following day she posted a load of photos from the day, some of which I commented on.

You know what’s coming next don’t you???? Yep. Madam goes ballistic. Apparently I posted that update on FB to wind her up. Erm, I posted it on MY wall, for MY friends to read. YOU’VE been told NOT to look at my profile so why are you doing it again?????? Apparently I’m playing games and she accused me of playing happy families….

Ok, lets spell this one out. C is my husband as we are still legally married. So we are still family. The children will always be my children and C’s children. We ARE a family. His parents are my in-law’s and because of the children I will always be part of their family through the children. It WAS a family day out. And it was a happy day out. There was no “playing happy families”. She is nothing to C’s parents and she is nothing to the children. She can’t claim to be part of C’s family in any legal or blood way at all. So why should she have been there???? I’m part of the family. She is not.

She didn’t like the photos that were posted because they had me in them and of course I only commented on them saying I liked them to cause trouble. Oh grow up you silly cow.

By now I have had enough of this. I’ve had enough of her going running to C telling tales and whining like a 5 year old. He doesn’t need the stress of it anyway, especially not at the moment. I cannot believe that a woman of her age is acting like this. She’s older than me yet she’s behaving like a child. Even my children say she’s childish and pathetic for making such a fuss about me being friends with C on facebook and about us being friends.

So I insisted on speaking to her about it. She started coming out with a load of crap about how she made an effort with me. Erm? Yeah, right. Who was it that completely snubbed my invitiation to one of the girl’s birthday party?? Not only did she not bother to turn up she didn’t even have the courtesy to decline the invitation. She could have asked C to make an excuse for her if she didn’t want to come but she didn’t even have the basic manners to do that.

Then she had the nerve to bring up stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with her from the past. Don’t the experts always say you should never bring up stuff from the past in an argument? That’s bad enough but when you bring up something from someone else’s past that is none of your business that is way out of order.

I’d had enough of the total crap and bollocks she was spouting so I told her what I think of her. I don’t take back what I said. She IS fat. She IS ugly. And she IS a bitch. Then she hung up on me and threw the phone at C.

As I said earlier, I have never had a problem with C having a relationship with her. I have never tried to cause trouble between them and I have never tried to split them up. I’ve always just let them get on with it.

I understand her feeling threatened by me. I look after myself. I like to make sure I look nice, I wear nice clothes and shoes (ok, not every single day, some days I like to wear jeans and my converse and not bother with my contact lenses), I wear make-up, I’ve lost loads of weight and am determined to maintain it, I have my hair and nails done. I make an effort over my appearance. Maybe if she put as much effort into how she looks as she has done in trying to cause trouble between me and C then she’d feel better about herself. If she lost some weight, did something about her hair, wore a bit of make-up and wore better clothes she might feel more confident. I know she’s heading for her 50s but she doesn’t have to dress and look like she’s already there.

She accuses me of trying to split them up but I have never done anything to try that. And the way she is behaving she is doing an excellent job of causing it to happen herself. We’ve both moved on.

However, she has pissed me off enough now to find out just what happens when you piss off and annoy the ex. The phone call. This post. Had she just acted like an adult and kept her big mouth shut (not easy when it’s even bigger than your arse, especially when you’re hiding behind a computer screen I accept) then all would have been fine and quiet. Those who know me know that I’m a lovely person but deep inside there is a bitch who will come out when necessary to protect my family. You’ve now seen her.

Madam now needs to take several steps back, stop giving C grief, leave him alone on the subject of me, leave me alone and accept that if she wants a future with him then that involves me being in his life and she has to stop rocking the boat. She has to accept that his children come over and above her and always will do. The highest she will ever be in his eyes is number 9. And she is going to have to stop looking through his facebook messages, phone logs etc because she might just find something she doesn’t want to see.

I know this isn’t the end of it all. I don’t need to have psychic powers to know that she is bound to kick off again over Christmas. Neither C or I want to spend Christmas without the children and neither of us will. She claims Christmas is a time for family yet she kicked off last year because he spent the day with his children. Surely if family are so important to her then she could have no problem with that??? Oh no. She and her family were pissed off he didn’t spend the day with them. Once again the hypocrite comes out….. Her family are not his family so why would he spend the day with them and not his own children who ARE his family????

As long as peace reigns these are my final words on the matter. If she stirs up the shit again then I won’t stay quiet. Just sayin’.

The children went back to school last week. The holidays were a bit strange this year as the children stayed with their dad for a week, then with me for a week and back to their dad's etc etc. It was really hard going for a whole week without them so I am really glad that things have gone back to normal. It didn't feel like 6 weeks but then it never does.

Millie has so far settled really well into her new school. The school has decided not to get her statemented, not to supply her with a one-to-one carer and to disregard the advice her previous school supplied them with for dealing with her when she has her meltdowns. I suspect she'll only need to have 2 or 3 before they change their mind!!!!

The school run has become interesting now though. I used to drop off at the secondary school on the way to the primary school and we'd leave the house at half eight. Now I have to leave at eight, and the secondary and primary school children get dropped off for breakfast club at their schools so I can get Millie to school in the opposite direction on time. This involves almost driving back past the house on the way to M's school. Sometimes home education seems very appealing!!!!!!!!!!

I was thinking of putting Amos into pre-school after Christmas when he's almost 3 but the one I would want him to go to is in yet another village. Unless I can find one in the village M goes to school in....

Back in July I did something I'd always wanted to do but hadn't been brave enough - I had my belly button pierced. It's not something I'll be putting on show - 8 babies and fluctuating weight over the years has not been kind to my stomach so I won't be offending the eyes of the world by putting it on display - but I like it and it's nice having a little secret (a bit like knowing you're wearing really nice underwear, lol)

Hopefully I'll soon be able to start posting photos again. Sorry my posts are a bit boring - I always like looking at photos on other people's blogs.

Being September and a new year in a way - new school year anyway - I often find myself thinking about new starts, things I'd like to achieve and sometimes even about the past.

As part of the journey through life you make friends and then often you outgrow the friendship and move on. Maybe that's what has happened here in the case I'm about to talk about.

I became friends with a really lovely lady I met online on a parenting forum. She lived closeish to me and we used to email a lot and met up a few times (but not often enough). I'm not going to mention names but if she still reads my blog then she will know who I mean when I say she is due to have her 6th baby very soon and last year moved much closer to where I live and her husband is involved with horses.

I don't know what happened. I don't know if I did or said something to upset or offend her but she stopped replying to my emails. If you are reading this and I did upset or offend you then I am truly sorry. I think about you often and wonder how you all are. And I miss you. I hope everything goes well with the new baby and if there is anything I can do, well, you know how to contact me. Please do. :-)

Maybe it was just time for her to move on from our friendship. That's fine. If you recognise who I am talking about and you're in contact with her please let her know I am thinking of her.

Once again it's my favourite time of year, September and the beginning of Autumn. And once again it's been months since I last wrote anything.

I do have a good excuse this time though, honest!! Back in June one of the children knocked a glass of water over on the coffee table on which was sitting my laptop. No prizes for guessing what happened next!! Fortunately I'm covered on my house insurance for accidental damage so my laptop went off to be looked at, was declared to be FUBAR and for the cost of my excess I have got a new laptop. Eventually. I was told it would arrive within 7-10 days but 4 weeks later I still hadn't received it. Turned out the courier had lost it so another one was despatched and it finally arrived on Thursday.

I used to spend an inordinate amount of time on my laptop, checking facebook, reading the many blogs I followed, on eBay etc etc but nearly 3 months without has meant I've kind of done cold turkey and I have hardly touched the new one. I can't remember the names of most of the blogs I followed either. I also have a bit of a problem typing. I've got so used to using the keypad on my BlackBerry (and the way it auto corrects my words and adds commas and full stops for me automatically) I'm struggling slightly to get used to proper typing again, lol

I'm still loving my "new" car. Every time I look out of the window at it I feel a real sense of pride about it.

I've been in the house for over a year now. I still love it here, although I kind of wish I owned it so I could decorate it and make a few changes to it.

I've taken up a new hobby as well. As a child I always wanted to learn to horse ride and to have my own horse. About 13 years ago I finally started having riding lessons and really enjoyed it until one day the horse I was on was spooked by something and took off down the sand school at a gallop with me hanging on for dear life. I was still trying to master canter at that stage so galloping was a bit too fast. I had one more lesson after that but hated it so much I never went back.

Ellie has always had a love of horses (she was a few months old when I had those lessons back then) and always wanted to learn to ride. She'd had a couple of lessons on holiday at Center Parcs and had done an "own a pony" day at a local riding school but her dream of having regular lessons didn't come true until last year when her school started up a riding club on a Monday night at a local equestrian centre. She's loved it and got several rosettes and a certificate for being the most improved rider in the club.

I've been a bit jealous, wishing I could have some lessons again too. Back in April or May I promised her and Sophie riding lessons in the summer holidays. A couple of weeks ago I realised that the holidays were nearly over and I couldn't break my promise so I got them booked in. Ellie said she was scared about having a lesson all by herself so I said I'd do it with her....

I've had two lessons and absolutely loved it!! It was so good to be back on a horse again after all that time. I wasn't at all nervous about it either. So we're going to have regular lessons. Sadly because of the cost they wont be as regular as we would like but anything is better than nothing. Sophie had never been on a horse before but was declared a natural and has spoken about nothing else since. So that's three of us that are now horse mad!!

One of our neighbours has some stables being built on part of their land behind my house and I asked if they would be renting any of them out when they are finished. She said they may do.... To get to the stables you have to go through our garden so it wouldn't be far to go. At the moment it's just a dream but one that could possibly come true.

I've also got something very exciting happening in November. I start an OU course in History! I really can't wait, I want to get started right now. It's given me a boost to start reading again which is good as I do miss reading. To further help this I've joined a local book club as well - it's a good way of meeting new people and getting me out of the house.

Another bit of news, and good news at that, is that we finally, after so many years of fighting, have got a diagnosis for Millie. It's not autism or aspergers which in some ways is a relief, it's attachment disorder. Are you asking yourself "what's attachment disorder?" That is possibly going to be a problem when it comes to getting her further help at school. The psychologist said that Millie needs to be statemented asap and she needs to have a one to one assistant with her all day at school. I just hope we don't have to fight too hard to get it for her (I know, I know, with budgets the way they are it's unlikely it's going to be easy or even possible). Attachment disorder doesn't sound very serious does it? But when you have to live with it you realise it actually is.

So, that's my quick update.

Another long gap between postings. So, what’s the latest?

I have got a new car. When I moved out because my Picasso wasn’t big enough for all the children C and I shared cars. Whichever one of us had the children had his Previa and the one without the children had my Picasso. Neither of us liked this arrangement, it was a real nuisance but until I could get mine sold and buy a new one we didn’t have a lot of choice.

Well, a couple of weeks ago I found a potential candidate on eBay, got in touch with the dealer, went to see it, came to an agreement over part exchange etc and I drove away with a very nice Ford Galaxy Zetec. So far I love it. Yes, it’s a bit scratched (but what difference does that make to how a car runs?) and it smelt of cigarette smoke (which an air freshener has sorted out) but it’s mine, all mine. I don’t have to share it, I can get the children in it and it’s given me a big boost to my confidence knowing that I sorted it all out by myself.

Being independent has been something that I have gotten used to now and I am loving it. To the extent that I really hate it when people offer to do things for me. Even if it’s something I’m really struggling with. It took me nearly a week to work out how to put Amos’s toddler bed together. For some reason I just couldn’t get the screws to go in and I couldn’t for the life of me work out why. Eventually I managed it but there was no way I was taking up the offer of help with it. I’ve built bunk beds, wardrobes, drawers and double beds all by myself so there was no way a simple toddler bed was going to defeat me!!

I’m also loving the time on my own when the children aren’t here. It’s so nice to be able to relax in the evening with a DVD or whatever I feel like doing. I’m kind of seeing someone, it’s a very casual thing, but it really suits me. We see each other maybe once or twice a week and go away together from time to time but the rest of the time is my own. I really couldn’t be doing with someone wanting to be with me all the time. I like my own company too much now - not that I get to spend much time on my own. I tend to be out and about all day and into the evening. I can see myself being single forever.

In a couple of weeks I’m going to be a witness at my best friends wedding. I can’t wait. I think I’m nearly as excited as the bride herself. I’ve been involved in the planning right from the start so I really feel part of it. I was so chuffed when she asked me to be her witness. I’m thinking more of a Pippa Middleton role though!! When we went to the shop so she could try dresses on back in January I couldn’t resist trying one myself. It was absolutely gorgeous!!

Last week for her hen night we went for a fish pedicure. Oh my goodness!! It was really weird at first and I didn’t like it. We were booked in for 15 minutes each but I ended up having half an hour because I ended up enjoying it so much. Definitely going again for another one!!

I haven’t written anything for absolutely ages again. Not that there has been a great amount to tell really.

There has been progress with getting a diagnosis for Millie. She’s being statemented and is going to be re-assessed later in the year. She’s going to the school we hoped she would get into which is smaller than the other option and has a very good SEN provision. So things are positive on that front.

All the other children are fine. Amos is now 2 - it’s gone by so quickly. He’s such a sweet little thing most of the time (yes, he has his moments!!) and is getting really chatty. He loves In The Night Garden, and would sit and watch it all day if he could. He loves his books as well which is really cute.

Jack (6) was assessed recently and has a reading age of an 11.5 year old. Alfie and Sophie are both ahead of where they should be too which is fantastic.

We’ve really settled into the “new” house now as well which is nice. At the moment I’m thinking we’re going to be here for a good few years.

Last week I went up to Manchester for a few days which was a nice break. I stayed in a really nice apartment just off Deansgate so nice and close to the centre of the city. I met up with my best friend from school. We havent seen each other for 17 years, and fell out back then over something or other. We got back in touch a couple of years ago through Friends Reunited and finally met up again last week.

I met her in a Starbucks and when she walked in neither of us spoke, we just gave each other a massive hug and burst into tears. Most of the day was spent with us hugging, crying and saying “I can’t believe it”. It was lovely, and we have vowed that it won’t be another 17 years before we get together again. It didn’t feel like 17 years, we sat and just chatted easily as if it had only been last week that we’d last seen each other.

Well, what a year!!

I’ve just read the postings for January 2010, before everything changed, and I really had no idea just what a massive year it was going to be for my life.

It’s been amazing. It’s been tough at times too, but I don’t regret my decision. I’m looking forward to 2011 and hope it’s going to be even better.

Christmas was good - C came over for the day and it was a lovely day for everyone I hope. No fighting or arguing, just a really nice family day.

I hope your 2011 is a good one and I will try and blog at least semi-regularly!!